How do I deal with my gf's parents wanting to know more about me, and I don't want to share? (dating, how to)
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Basically in conversations with my gfs parents they will ask me questions about me like what do I do, and things about my past, but really hate talking about myself.
I feel really ashamed of my past and regret a lot of the decisions I made, and I don't really like talking about my job, lack of career, goals, etc.
So when people ask me questions that I don't want to talk about in social situations like that, how do I avoid answering them? I don't mind talking about them perhaps, or at least not as much, I just don't want to talk about myself, if that's possible.
Basically in conversations with my gfs parents they will ask me questions about me like what do I do, and things about my past, but really hate talking about myself.
I feel really ashamed of my past and regret a lot of the decisions I made, and I don't really like talking about my job, lack of career, goals, etc.
So when people ask me questions that I don't want to talk about in social situations like that, how do I avoid answering them? I don't mind talking about them perhaps, or at least not as much, I just don't want to talk about myself, if that's possible.
A very common part of being in a relationship with someone is developing a relationship with that person's loved ones and friends. Surely you understand that they want to be sure their daughter is being cared for by someone who is good for her, and they probably want to just know a little bit about you.
If you love this girl, which is still in doubt, then you owe it to her to share. You don't have to be an open book, but you can come up with a couple of statements about each topic that will enable them to know you more than they do.
You can't be in a relationship and be selfish about yourself. Sharing and trust are part of love.
Okay thanks, but it was very hard for me and I kept trying to change the subject cause they keep asking more and more questions. Like one answer just opens more doors, for them, sort of thing. After I got home I started crying and almost threw up.
Okay thanks, but it was very hard for me and I kept trying to change the subject cause they keep asking more and more questions. Like one answer just opens more doors, for them, sort of thing. After I got home I started crying and almost threw up.
Is this a surprise to you, honestly? Because you are not ready to be in a relationship like this. You have too many personal issues to relate to people at this level.
Well I would still feel very ashamed and embarrassed to talk about it. I just shared things with her for the first time, and told her that I feel I have oversold myself to her possibly as there are things about me I never wanted to talk about before, in the few months of dating.
It's not a surprise to me, I just don't know how to deal with it.
Let me introduce you to two handy friends: Bob and Weave. When they ask you something about yourself, that you don't want to answer - bob and weave. And start questioning them. Examples:
GF's parents: So ironpony, tell us about your career goals.
You: I have career goals, just like anyone else I suppose. What sort of career goals did you have when you were my age?
GF's parents: What kind of relationships did you have before you met our daughter?
You: Well, that's something I consider personal. Would you like to share your own relationship histories with me?
The best defense is offense. I know several people who are masters of this sort of conversation manipulation. The key, it seems to me, is to never allow the person to finish their answer before interjecting with another question. Before you know it, you've completely derailed the conversation and the person is trying to answer your questions accurately without having a chance to formulate and ask questions of you themselves.
Truth be told, I've seen and experienced this often enough to recognize when it's happening. The people who develop this approach usually have something to hide, so they pepper people with incessant personal and probing questions. Effectively, you never get a chance to question theirs. I personally don't like this type of conversation, but this is the best thing I could think of to address your concerns.
Okay thanks, I can try that more. But even the questions being asked to me, really depress me, cause I don't even like hearing them. So that makes me feel really upset as well.
Own yourself. And if you don’t like yourself, change yourself.
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