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I just came out of a divorce after being married for 18 years. One night I was bored and alone, so I set up an online dating profile.
Well the net outcome was that I ended up with some matches and three of them I've been on dates with.
Woman #1 -- Was clear up front that she was not looking for anything serious. But we've gone to out dinner twice. I'm supposed to go golfing with her on Saturday p.m. and she said we should end it with soak in her condo's hot tub. She has also been increasing suggestive and flirty in her texts to me. I'm not convinced she's my type -- she's definitely more into the party scene than me.
Woman #2 -- I went to dinner with once, and she asked me to a movie for the next weekend. I returned the ask for later today. I did tell her directly I'm only interested in expanding my social circle right now.
Woman #3 -- I asked her to dinner last weekend. Then we drove around looking at Christmas lights and ended up spontaneously making out in my car for about a half hour. We are supposed to go out again this Friday.
So the deal is, I have no interested in being a "player". I might have started out a little aggressively, but online dating wasn't much of a thing last time I was dating.
I feel like my personality matches best with Woman #3 and I like her a lot, from just chatting and one date. She was also cheated on and abandoned by her husband. So I totally respect that she might have sensitivity to anything resembling infidelity (I was cheated on too).
Having been out of the game for so long, what is the etiquette? Do I tell #1 and #2 I'm not interested in any more activities with them? I'm perfectly happy remaining friends with the and not sitting home alone on the weekends. It seems sort of silly to cut off contact with them after one date with woman #3.
But at the same time, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I certainly am not going to ghost any of them.
I just came out of a divorce after being married for 18 years. One night I was bored and alone, so I set up an online dating profile.
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Having been out of the game for so long, what is the etiquette?
My advice is the same as it was in the thread you posted just two months ago, although it sounds like you went another route LOL:
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
I would suggest you spend those hours thinking about what you want your life to look like and what kind of person you want to be in your 40s and beyond.
It's not time to think about bringing another person into the mix, unless that person is a therapist.
The only thing that's changed in the "dating scene" enough to note it here is the influence of online dating which, given your history, I don't think you will find satisfying.
Explore stuff you're interested in. Take time to get used to having your time to yourself and thinking about what YOU want to do.
From what you've been through, I think you're crazy to jump into this situation. But if you insist, I would try being VERY clear with yourself about what you want and VERY honest with all women about what you're doing.
I certainly wouldn't consider any interactions you take on now to be long term.
My advice is the same as it was in the thread you posted just two months ago, although it sounds like you went another route LOL:
From what you've been through, I think you're crazy to jump into this situation. But if you insist, I would try being VERY clear with yourself about what you want and VERY honest with all women about what you're doing.
I certainly wouldn't consider any interactions you take on now to be long term.
Lol ... very true. Dark winter nights alone got the better of me. And honestly I am enjoying this more than just staying home.
Lol ... very true. Dark winter nights alone got the better of me. And honestly I am enjoying this more than just staying home.
I get it, but you're verging on using these women just to experiment with ways to avoid loneliness.
I'm not trying to pretend that some of them may not be doing that too, but if you KNOW that's what's up, why not get the help you need FIRST so you don't trample on someone's feelings while you're out there not staying home?
I guess that's idealistic, but you have some serious **** to deal with after your divorce.
I get it, but you're verging on using these women just to experiment with ways to avoid loneliness.
I'm not trying to pretend that some of them may not be doing that too, but if you KNOW that's what's up, why not get the help you need FIRST so you don't trample on someone's feelings while you're out there not staying home?
I guess that's idealistic, but you have some serious **** to deal with after your divorce.
Don't take this the wrong way, because I do appreciate all perspectives. But isn't the purpose of dating to get out and meet new people?
My question is what is the proper etiquette in a situation like this. Each of them knew my situation before we met in person and still wanted to. I absolutely do not want to hurt anyone's feelings and maybe I broke some sort of online dating etiquette by conversing with more than one person at a time.
Anyway, yes 18 months ago I found out my wife was cheating. I spent a year trying to salvage things and then 6 months ago realized it wasn't going to get better. So I'm not sure how long I should just sit around alone before trying to meet new people.
So again, it's more that this style of dating is different from the last time I was dating and I want to make sure I do things ethically.
Don't take this the wrong way, because I do appreciate all perspectives. But isn't the purpose of dating to get out and meet new people?
My question is what is the proper etiquette in a situation like this. Each of them knew my situation before we met in person and still wanted to. I absolutely do not want to hurt anyone's feelings and maybe I broke some sort of online dating etiquette by conversing with more than one person at a time.
Anyway, yes 18 months ago I found out my wife was cheating. I spent a year trying to salvage things and then 6 months ago realized it wasn't going to get better. So I'm not sure how long I should just sit around alone before trying to meet new people.
So again, it's more that this style of dating is different from the last time I was dating and I want to make sure I do things ethically.
To answer your question, the rule of thumb I've heard the most about this kind of situation is that nothing is promised until you talk about being exclusive.
To answer your question, the rule of thumb I've heard the most about this kind of situation is that nothing is promised until you talk about being exclusive.
To answer your question, the rule of thumb I've heard the most about this kind of situation is that nothing is promised until you talk about being exclusive.
To add: You might infer that you are seeing other women, then gauge the reaction. This tells a lot, it’s been pivotal in my own decisions of what I actually feel for someone, too.
To add: You might infer that you are seeing other women, then gauge the reaction. This tells a lot, it’s been pivotal in my own decisions of what I actually feel for someone, too.
Yep.
I would just casually bring it up when you’re talking about what you’ve been doing, like you would with anyone else.
Because you assume anyone else this early in OLD is seeing other too.
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