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Yes, but they don't stay around for more than a few weeks or months, if that. That is the problem and that is why I asked this question, if that wasn't clear from the original post.
Are you having sex with them after a month? Guessing guys your age or a bit older do not want to wait longer in the relationship if there's no regular sex within a certain time frame
Sex on the first date is not what most people do, but does interest equate sex?
If a guy likes you he will want to have sex with you. And that's before you've even entered the restaurant or where ever you are having your date. Ot takes a man less than a second to realize if he wants to have sex with you or not, this doesn't mean he is not interested in more, like a relationship.
A lot of women seem to think one excludes the other, I have never understood why.
Let me be clear: I don't think that a man showing sexual interest means that's all that he wants.
What I'm not on board with are the ones who want it right away, without knowing me, then leave shortly after (not having gotten it). If they were interested in more, wouldn't they stick around for more?
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Also, clarify what you mean with "superficial" because a lot of people use that differently.
My appearance is the primary reason they become interested and stay for the brief time they do (longest is short of 6 months). This is clear by them not showing any interest in me beyond how I look.
E.g., in conversations with the "fun stuff" ex he wouldn't really be listening. Every now and then he'd interrupt with comments like, "I can't wait to show you off at X's wedding", "Your mouth is so perfect-shaped" At first it was sweet but after some time it was obvious he couldn't care less about anything I thought, was interested in, cared about, etc.
Let me be clear: I don't think that a man showing sexual interest means that's all that he wants.
What I'm not on board with are the ones who want it right away, without knowing me, then leave shortly after (not having gotten it). If they were interested in more, wouldn't they stick around for more?
My appearance is the primary reason they become interested and stay for the brief time they do (longest is short of 6 months). This is clear by them not showing any interest in me beyond how I look.
E.g., in conversations with the "fun stuff" ex he wouldn't really be listening. Every now and then he'd interrupt with comments like, "I can't wait to show you off at X's wedding", "Your mouth is so perfect-shaped" At first it was sweet but after some time it was obvious he couldn't care less about anything I thought, was interested in, cared about, etc.
What made it obvious that he couldn't care anything less about what you thought or were intersted it or cared about?
My partner has beautiful blue sparkly eyes and I probably told him that multiple times a day the first months of dating. He has beautiful curly hair and i still tell him how beautiful it is.
I do think a man who wants something serious would wait a month or so for you to be ready to have sex. I also think a man who is serious will not wait half a year unless he has his own moral convictions about abstinence before marriage.
If you are also so beautiful that they are feeling sexually frustrated being around you, I do expect those even with the purest intentions to move on to someone else after some time.
If you find this to be a recurring issue, you will have to communicate your stance and views on sex early on in the dating process.
I'm curious, how long do you feel like you would have to date someone before you feel comfortable having sex with them?
My appearance is the primary reason they become interested and stay for the brief time they do (longest is short of 6 months). This is clear by them not showing any interest in me beyond how I look.
E.g., in conversations with the "fun stuff" ex he wouldn't really be listening. Every now and then he'd interrupt with comments like, "I can't wait to show you off at X's wedding", "Your mouth is so perfect-shaped" At first it was sweet but after some time it was obvious he couldn't care less about anything I thought, was interested in, cared about, etc.
This tells me you are probably hooking up with the wrong guys. Those words are from someone who sees an object in front of them. Show you off and a wedding? WTF??? Are you a trophy or something?
That guy was just telling you what he thought you wanted to hear. He's a bulls****er. I don't care what anybody says on this forum. I'll even admit that 30 years ago I'd do the same thing. Whatever it takes to get the panties off!!! That's what matters, nothing else.
I really think you're expecting way too much from the dating pool you're jumping into.
All I know is I dated a woman this summer I had a crush on for the longest time but she never wanted to do anything or go out and after a several weeks I couldn't take it anymore. I knew she was like that and thought I could deal with it but I couldn't. I thought I could I figured I had my friends to go do stuff with.
It was one Saturday night I was just out riding my bike doing my exercise and I just did not want to go get stuck at her place, I really didn't. It felt like a trap. I keep thinking the OP is her but that's highly unlikely and paranoid.
It was just a major mismatch I guess, I know lots of dudes that just stay home all the time. I was all into new years couldn't wait to have a few drinks and get at that box of fireworks but in the days leading up to it making conversation I asked several dudes if they were pumped about new years what they were going to do and many replied how they were just going to stay home and watch the tube.
My buddy had a New Years party and we had a blast. Lots of them.
Maybe the OP is just attracted to so called 'adventurous' guys and needs to select a different type right from the start.
This is an interesting concept, that they see me as a competitor. I'm not remotely thinking to compete with them but I could see this. So how do I show that I'm a comrade?
I think what you need to do is go find a down too earth average guy who........
1. Is stable and works hard, has multiple skill sets and is capable of making good money consistantly.
2. Does not have ANY issues with alcohol or drugs. None whatsoever. Nada.
3. Who wants to settle down and have a life. He'll be able to plan ahead and be prepared to take advantage of opportunities when they manifest themselves. This man WILL NOT live in the moment.
You'll need to take an interest in his future as much as your own, if YOU are really serious about the future with him it will be about OUR future together, not about your and his futures individually.
I was married to a woman for 16 years. We raised our daughters together. At the end of the day, after 16 years together she started to think using pronouns like I, me and mine. She tossed out the we, us and ours and I was gone so quick the shock waves opened the doors for me.
Having comradery, a true friend in a relationship is a hard thing to do. We're all inately selfish, it's built into us. You need to find a guy and work by the right pronouns. That's the key to instilling a sense of comeradery with a guy. Hopefully you can and then there will be a pack in the future.
You do sound like a great lady btw. And some guy is going to be very lucky someday.
This tells me you are probably hooking up with the wrong guys. Those words are from someone who sees an object in front of them. Show you off and a wedding? WTF??? Are you a trophy or something?
That guy was just telling you what he thought you wanted to hear. He's a bulls****er. I don't care what anybody says on this forum. I'll even admit that 30 years ago I'd do the same thing. Whatever it takes to get the panties off!!! That's what matters, nothing else.
I really think you're expecting way too much from the dating pool you're jumping into.
Agreed with the wedding comment. But I also know guys say stupid things sometimes and if you cross guys off your list because of a stupid comment they made, you will probably go though several guys until you find one who always says the right things. I'm curious to know if this was a one off comment for this guy or a pattern.
All I know is I dated a woman this summer I had a crush on for the longest time but she never wanted to do anything or go out and after a several weeks I couldn't take it anymore. I knew she was like that and thought I could deal with it but I couldn't. I thought I could I figured I had my friends to go do stuff with.
It was one Saturday night I was just out riding my bike doing my exercise and I just did not want to go get stuck at her place, I really didn't. It felt like a trap. I keep thinking the OP is her but that's highly unlikely and paranoid.
It was just a major mismatch I guess, I know lots of dudes that just stay home all the time. I was all into new years couldn't wait to have a few drinks and get at that box of fireworks but in the days leading up to it making conversation I asked several dudes if they were pumped about new years what they were going to do and many replied how they were just going to stay home and watch the tube.
My buddy had a New Years and we had a blast. Lots of them.
Maybe the OP is just attracted to so called 'adventurous' guys and needs to select a different type right from the start.
This an interesting perspective. My daughter, who is fairly active -- likes hiking, running, etc., keep meeting/dating extreme sports types of guys and she wasn't on their level. Based on her experience many guys were looking for a better match for a long-term relationship. Many moons ago, when I was dating, it was a match if you had the same values and religion.
The other aspect is many of these guys are in the dating pool disproportionally because they can't seem to find their match. Also, adventerous guys tend to be more outgoing and confident. I do think you are correct that targeting the right dating pool is better than just general dating and hoping to finding the right match. It may be the OP might need to take a class or join a community activity that will put her into a more compatible pool of guys if she hasn't already done so.
Last edited by Maddie104; 01-06-2019 at 09:48 AM..
I'm curious, how long do you feel like you would have to date someone before you feel comfortable having sex with them?
I don't put a timeline on these things.
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Originally Posted by Levels77
if you cross guys off your list because of a stupid comment they made, you will probably go though several guys until you find one who always says the right things. I'm curious to know if this was a one off comment for this guy or a pattern.
It was a pattern of behavior and he is like the ex before him, only better. As hard as that is to imagine.
Writing his comments would take til tomorrow but it wasn't simply comments but his mindset. He nearly ruined his current relationship by continuing to go after me. After he broke up with me, he tried to get back with me. Not because he changed his mind and decided he liked me after all, but because after he saw me, he didn't think straight.
I'll take the blame for not vetting these two properly.
Show you off and a wedding? WTF??? Are you a trophy or something?
That guy was just telling you what he thought you wanted to hear. He's a bulls****er. I don't care what anybody says on this forum.
I really think you're expecting way too much from the dating pool you're jumping into.
Yes, he saw me as a trophy but what I thought at first was "Awww, he thinks the world of me!" And yes, he was a BSer. He lied about important things that he thought would ruin his chances at a relationship with me. Then told me once we were months in. Like the guy before him.
He and the ex before him were different from the men I am normally around and so tend to date. Different backgrounds, lines of work, interests. But they were unending in their romantic gestures and words and plans of the future with me. Stupid me.
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Originally Posted by SpaceTraveller
I keep thinking the OP is her but that's highly unlikely and paranoid.
I'm not her and you're not him. For example, we didn't meet in the summer and though he was active in other ways, he didn't bike ride.
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