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This has generally been my hesitancy. I'm not conservative (in any way shape or form, seems like such an exhausting waste and often tied to judeo Christian culture/sex is private-bad thiniing), but I found lots of the people in the "community" to be more interested in their kink and having it fulfilled, than they are about connecting with another person. I understand how people can be like that, but its not how I operate.
Gladly, I've met more people over the years that really operate well outside this "I must meet this need" mentality and just go with the flow from the connection. I'm a pretty simple fellow though, thankfully. I would not feel fortunate to have extreme needs in this regard.
I feel the same way. I think people who "must have" a certain kind of sexual act have issues, that's just my opinion. I think they probably place too much emphasis on the sexual aspect of their lives. I can't connect with people like that, and have nothing in common with them.
One would think if you feel you have a “kink” or something outside of what may be considered ordinary to others you would bring it up sooner rather than later to avoid conflict within the relationship.
If your kink is sexual in nature it should be discussed/addressed when your intention are to enter in to a sexual relationship with someone.
It’s just like anything else in relating to one another.
How important is it, to the individual? That's the big question. I think that if there is ANY aspect of your life that is very important to you, then getting it out of the way pretty early is a good call. If you're online, put that info right out there, so people can decide if you're a good fit. Otherwise, I'd say within the first 2 dates or so.
I mean, being "kinky" can mean a variety of things. For me, it's huge because it's not just bedroom activities, I'm involved right up to my eyeballs in my local community, I'm at the club, often volunteering or being manager on duty for parties or facilitating discussion groups, usually at least 2-3 times a week if not more. Most of my friends are kinksters. Anyone trying to date me must be a good fit in that regard, or be shut out of one of the biggest pieces of my world. For some people it might be a cute little bedroom quirk, for others it is a LIFESTYLE... It's as significant as having a job that makes you work lots of overtime or do lots of travel, or having a major health condition that frequently impacts your life. Nevermind the fact that since I have a partner that I've no intention of breaking up with, they'd also have to be down with polyamory... So not disclosing all of this up front would be seriously disingenuous of me.
I realized something the other day that I thought was kind of funny. I'm not hugely invested in my gender. Like I was born female and identify as female but it's mainly because I'm lazy, I just don't really care. Being a womanly woman doesn't matter to me very much. Orientation? Meh, whatever. I could love anybody. Relationship style? I can be happy with monogamy; I can be happy with polyamory. Whatever I've got time for, I guess. *shrug* But for me, kink is non-negotiable and vanilla is NOT an option. EDIT: It's not always about what kind of sex or sex acts I need either, it's more about a mindset.
I personally figure that everybody can work out what matters to them and what doesn't, what is meaningful to their identity and what's not. Anybody that doesn't like it, well, yanno, no one HAS to date me anyhow, not like it's a struggle that holds me back or anything. Which is what I always circle back to in talking about people having whatever dating preferences they've got. Like what you like, you'll know it's a problem if you struggle hard enough to find ANYONE that you are willing to date who will also date you. Then you can adjust yourself or adjust your standards, or just learn to love being single.
I've always thought of myself as somewhat kinky, but compared to many on here I guess I'm not. I have gone to nude beaches with my ex-wife and enjoyed that. Always been pretty open sexually, but I don't have really any fetishes. Definitely not into BDSM. Maybe that makes me the dreaded "normal"? To answer the question, I've never had an in depth conversation about it, just took chances and tried things and didn't get rejected.
Pretty much anything you imagine - there's at least a 100 other human beings into it. Don't sweat it. Like sucking someone's toes? There's others who apparently like that. Wanna dress up as a furry animal for the event? There's others that like that. Really, there's always others on the same wavelength, however whacky.
Way more than 100... thousands at least if not more for just about any kink you can imagine. Even the really weird ones.
What point in a relationship? Hmm. I think a person should just playful find a whip in a store and pick it up and say to your partner, ‘Have you been bad?” Then a playful slap on your hand should allow them to respond.
That’s how I would approach it. Sitting down and discussing it like balancing a check book doesn’t work for me.
I dunno...maybe it is only semantics but it seems that once someone calls something "a kink" then it is incorporated a lot. And once it is then sex starts to feel like it's all all about the kink and not about me as a person. So I guess I don't know how low profile a kink can be and then if it is not met with some frequency they'll go elsewhere for it. I'm sure SSpork will weigh in with something helpful.
I'd want to know as soon as possible. If he thinks kink is more important than getting the relationship off the ground or if it becomes all about the kink, it's not the start of anything good. I'm all for kink if it gets introduced later on as something we decide to do but not because the other person has to have it. If it's a requirement, please tell me now so I can get out.
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