Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson
Personally, I don't think it's possible. Lust, is a mechanism to ensure pregnancy for survival of the species. I don't think it is possible to maintain those feelings for more than a couple of years, at best. Our nature as humans is to diversify the DNA by creating as many combinations in a short time (reproductive years of the female). Monogamy, "mating for life", etc is so contrary to our true nature and has been foisted upon as cultural and religious norms.
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I disagree. I think that any choice is valid, but any possibility is an option that exists and is also valid. Don't want to be monogamous? Cool! Don't agree to a monogamous relationship. We have other options.
But speaking as someone who has been monogamous, who has been poly, who has been free/untethered/fairly promiscuous... The monogamy wasn't the problem. The man I allowed to rope me into it when I wasn't really willing or ready, was the problem. But when I found someone who actually does meet all of my needs very well, I have had no regrets about closing our relationship, transforming my other relationships at the time into close friendships rather than romantic connections, and declaring myself exclusive with one partner. For me, that kind of connection has been hard to find, so putting all of my energy into nurturing it wasn't a big sacrifice.
But I don't like a lot of the talk about "just" lust, or infatuation, limerance, NRE, etc versus this golden standard of "LOVE." To me it seems like, I can be with someone and big feelings can blaze up, or maybe they don't. If they don't, then I don't want to be with them anymore. Continuing to be with them is a mistake. And I usually will know pretty fast. But then if I do feel the feels, and I want more, what if they do not also feel the feels and it ends? Those are the situations where most will tell me that what I felt was "only" lust or infatuation, I was letting it trick me into wanting to be with that person. Really? The validity of my own feelings is dependent upon what the other person feels for me? I don't think so. I think many people make the mistake of lumping unreciprocated love in with "only" lust or infatuation. Like it's not valid to love someone when they don't love you back. Nah. I own my feelings, not them. They were real. I felt them. They were one among many flavors of the emotion I call "love."
Or! Is it that we use "lust" to describe the situation when we feel sexually or romantically drawn to someone who is not a good choice for life partnership? I've certainly met people that I liked on many levels, but because they were immature or not able to self-support at the levels I require of a mate, I chose not to go there. During my free agent phases of life, I might have chosen to have sex with such a person, but I'd have been careful to keep emotional boundaries up. More in terms of not wanting THEM to feel a love bond that would drive them to try and attach to me. I know I am capable of feeling loving feels and not necessarily needing to pursue life entanglement because of it. But I would worry about them trying to.
Maybe it's just me, I feel no desire at all to have sex with someone, if I don't even like them. Perhaps the need to demarcate "lust" is more for the folks who will happily get their groove on with somebody just on the basis of hot looks alone. That's never been me. If I don't want to spend time with someone, talking, joking, adventuring about, enjoying their company...then I sure don't want to have sex with them either. Maybe that's why it's all some kind of "love" in my book.
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