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I've never understood this "pop the question" concept. I'm female and have been married twice- once ended in divorce, the other a very happy union till he died 2 years ago.
Neither marriage involved me waiting for the guy to "pop the question". Why is it the guy's privilege/responsibility to decide when the time is right? Maybe it made sense in the 1950s when the guy had the good job and saved up the down payment for a house and proposed when he felt he could support a family but this isn't the 1950s. Or does it involve some princess-y dream of a proposal in which the diamond ring arrives decorating a slice of flourless chocolate cake borne by a waiter in a fancy restaurant?
In both of my marriages, the idea of getting married was brought up and discussed over time and we set a date when we were ready.
I suppose I should answer the OP's question now that I've finished my rant: it's up to the individual couple to decide what the right timing is for them. Happy marriages and disastrous marriages occur independently of how long the couple knew each other beforehand. To many other variables.
My one marriage, we were together a little over a year before I proposed (we had been living together); it turned out disastrous! We began arguing before we were even married! She was homesick, had deep emotional issues from her previous marriage (her first husband was abusive). I tried to help her - even paid for counseling. She stopped going after 2 or 3 sessions. Needless to say, our marriage ended.
I'm seeing someone now, and we've been together about a year and a half. I don't think I'll ever propose marriage again, and that's fine with her - she's been married and divorced twice; she had a steady guy (after her second divorce) for 12 years (he passed away). So neither of us are even thinking of marriage!
It seems a reasonable length of time to me. Hopefully after four years you know each other well. Much better to take your time than hurry it. Best of luck to both of you.
She was a blind date. In a year of knowing each other, we had maybe a total of 6 weeks together. I was in the military and usually a minimum of 1300 miles away. We took a chance for sure but the longer we were together, the better it got.
We've been married for 4 years and there was no popping of any question. We got married about 2.5 years after we started dating and we'd been living together about 1.5 years at that point. We were/are in our 40s, old enough to be sure of what we each wanted. That being said, it really depends on the two people involved. I think conventional wisdom is you should know each other for a minimum of two years -- at least, that's what Carolyn Hax will tell you. I have a friend in her late 20s who has been with her early 30s boyfriend for over 3 years, and he still seems uncertain. She is attempting to be patient, but I think she is upset that they could be together that long and still have uncertainty linger. I see her point.
We knew after 3 weeks but we didn’t get engaged for 4 years. But we were 19 and 21 when we met.
I think 4 years is a long time to wait if you’re in your mid 30’s or older.
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