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Find two chairs, sit down, say, "Let's talk because I don't want anything to get weird..." and then tell the guy that you're feeling a bit awkward because you think he may be getting the wrong idea from you... and so on.
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Originally Posted by redplum33
Easier said than done.
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Originally Posted by cleasach
Why? What's so difficult about having a conversation?
An uncomfortable conversation about a sensitive subject. Note the thread title "won't admit it".
Do you really think your advice would go over well? Keep in mind that the OP also said he's "quite socially awkward".
For better and worse I have been the recipient of male attention since I was about 12. Stop over thinking it. Be yourself with everyone. You are not responsible for the feelings of others. You don't have to deal with it unless he asks you out. Then you say something along the lines of "I am flattered you are asking me, but I think of you as a friend only." The trick is to think of different scenarios that might come up with unwelcome male attention, not just this particular guy. One option you always have with anyone is to say " I need to think about it."
The persistent, obnoxious sort that ask you if you think they aren't good enough for you can be answered with "you come on so strong you make me uncomfortable." Or, yes I am too good for you, but save it for last.
Don't worry about flirting if it's just stuff in your general personality that you'd do with anyone. You shouldn't have to hold back on being nice or talking to someone out of fear of "leading them on". You've done nothing to indicate that you like him in that way, and you flat out said you didn't. I wouldn't worry about this. As long as he doesn't approach you in any inappropriate way, I'd just treat him like any acquaintance and not worry about it. His feelings are his business. You don't need to take on the guilt over someone being into you and you not feeling the same.
Thanks for the responses everyone. I've tried to sum up in one post..
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Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
Is it possible he's really not into you that way, and you're misreading
things?
What I just read wasn't a slam-dunk case.
It's completely possible, and you're right it's not a 100% thing. That's what makes it difficult. I do feel like 99% sure he at least did like me, and that's because when he said 'it's not true then?', he'd put a few sentences above something like 'you know what people are like assuming things, I know it's not true' - it's like why ask then? He needed confirmation. And he either needed that so he could get over it, or he was concerned it was true. And if it was the latter, I don't think he would have called me good looking or ask how long I've been single for. He also misheard a conversation a few weeks before the breakup, and thought I had broken up with the bf before I had. In this conversation I was talking to a friend about long distance, and how her's was so much harder than mine. I wasn't even complaining about the distance - it's like he heard what he wanted to hear.
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Originally Posted by redplum33
That's not the impression I got. It sounds to me like he's super into her.
She said he's socially awkward, so assume he's not going to be direct about it.
OP, perhaps casually mention you have a new boyfriend.
It's not an option, he's part of a friendship group and I said to a few of the girls last week I wasn't ready to date - it could potentially get back to him. And the thing is I'm not going to be with anyone for a long time, which I did actually tell him when I was first speaking about the break up - I want to be single for a while, I need my independence back.
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Originally Posted by E-Twist
For better and worse I have been the recipient of male attention since I was about 12. Stop over thinking it. Be yourself with everyone. You are not responsible for the feelings of others. You don't have to deal with it unless he asks you out. Then you say something along the lines of "I am flattered you are asking me, but I think of you as a friend only." The trick is to think of different scenarios that might come up with unwelcome male attention, not just this particular guy. One option you always have with anyone is to say " I need to think about it."
The persistent, obnoxious sort that ask you if you think they aren't good enough for you can be answered with "you come on so strong you make me uncomfortable." Or, yes I am too good for you, but save it for last.
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Originally Posted by That_One_Girl
Don't worry about flirting if it's just stuff in your general personality that you'd do with anyone. You shouldn't have to hold back on being nice or talking to someone out of fear of "leading them on". You've done nothing to indicate that you like him in that way, and you flat out said you didn't. I wouldn't worry about this. As long as he doesn't approach you in any inappropriate way, I'd just treat him like any acquaintance and not worry about it. His feelings are his business. You don't need to take on the guilt over someone being into you and you not feeling the same.
Thanks, I have told myself this a lot but because I have been in a similar situation I don't want to treat someone the way I've been treated, hence why I'm so worried.
He's a friend, not an acquaintance - though I can kind of understand why a few of you might have misjudged that. I think we were getting along well, but since the break up Roger's acted differently and I have just felt awkward. It seems he thought I liked him when I had a boyfriend, which would have been like emotional cheating as I see him every week. I guess it's a little frustrating because you go to these things to make friends, not find a date, and he only really started messaging when I broke up with my bf. It kind of feels like our friendship hasn't been about making friends.
I can hardly stop being friends with him either, because he's at things I'm at. Today he messaged me asking if I could keep him updated about an event we're going to this week with the others. Now I'm his source of information. And I'd rather not be - not just cos I worry he's looking for a way to message me, but I don't wanna have to talk in two separate places because he left the group. I'm going to add him back to the group if he continues. It could just be that he gets fed up of the notifications, but he can mute them and look at the messages when he knows an event is coming up.
A lot of the recent signs have been from messaging, and that's hard to judge. Like that conversation where he asked if I liked him, it's so difficult to judge what he meant because you can't see facial reactions. I don't want him to message me about stuff like that, or him to message me at all. I worry about him perceiving my messages the wrong way. He thought I was being defensive over him thinking I liked my mate, but I really did just find it funny. And it's ridiculous anyway considering I've just come out of a relationship. I've messed up a little bit because I realise now I had opportunities to say 'I've just come out of a relationship, why would I date' to that (though I did mention the friend he thinks I like, is very close to me because I'm struggling with the break up, his response was asking if I would get back with him).
I know I'm analysing things waaay too much, but I know he overanalyses things too. Like I'm thinking about all these things he's done, and there's an argument for him liking me and not liking me for most I think. And he probably thinks the same way - all these little signs I've shown could have been signs of me liking him.
I do actually wish he'd come out with it, because that's the only way it can be sorted. Me asking him isn't really an option I don't think - not unless it does get uncomfortable or super awkward, because we do have friends in common. I don't feel good about ignoring him, but I do think he needs space from me. I would never like just completely ignore his messages, or him in person, but I feel like conversing with him a lot does encourage. And ignoring is a sign of someone not being interested. I don't know how else to show someone I'm not interested.
I don't know how else to show someone I'm not interested.
Say and do the things you're putting here.
When he tries to message you about keeping him informed, just say, "It would be better if you just rejoined the group so you don't miss anything." Don't allow yourself to be his go-between. Don't even do it once. That's how he thinks he's making inroads.
Women don't (and shouldn't) need to use an imaginary boyfriend to fend off potential suitors. Just temper your flirtiness around him, respond flatly if he makes jokes that seem to hint about romantic potential, and be direct with him if he asks.
Just be normal until he gives you a reason not to be normal.
You are into yourself as flirty-flirty, so how could this guy not be attracted to you, right. He would have to be.
Unless, of course, this is largely a matter of what's going on in your head. "Unless he properly admits he likes me..." You got such a massive case on yourself you don't need him to "properly" admit anything.
When he tries to message you about keeping him informed, just say, "It would be better if you just rejoined the group so you don't miss anything." Don't allow yourself to be his go-between. Don't even do it once. That's how he thinks he's making inroads.
Women don't (and shouldn't) need to use an imaginary boyfriend to fend off potential suitors. Just temper your flirtiness around him, respond flatly if he makes jokes that seem to hint about romantic potential, and be direct with him if he asks.
Just be normal until he gives you a reason not to be normal.
Thanks, this is really good advice. I'd already agreed to keep him informed before I saw this, but I must not have done a very good job at it as he messaged one of the others asking to rejoin the group the day after the event. Feel like he's got the message a bit, hopefully.
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Originally Posted by Wellstone
Honesty usually works pretty darn well. It’s not mean to tell him you want more space.
I may well do this. I feel so awkward all the time trying to avoid him, so if a situation arises where I can tell him, I will. Issue is most of the time we're around other people, and I'm not telling him over messages. We'll see what happens.
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