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Eh I feel the "car" and "flavor" metaphor doesn't really fit stuff like this.
Cars and flavors can't talk to you, share intimacy with you, support you, take care of you, evolve, or grow with you. It's dehumanizing.....But meh.....
Eh I feel the "car" and "flavor" metaphor doesn't really fit stuff like this.
Cars and flavors can't talk to you, share intimacy with you, support you, take care of you, evolve, or grow with you. But meh.....
Agree.
I also just really believe that there's far too much variance in the human experience to try and write a bunch of pseudo-rules and generalizations and expect them to be a reliable guide in how best to live. Just because statistics say this or that, doesn't mean that it's what you can or should expect.
So some statistics reveal that this or that many prior partners makes one more or less likely to divorce. Statistics also show that most people are heterosexual, but that doesn't invalidate those who are not. That most people get married, and yet one can't sit there like it's just inconceivable for an adult to not be married. There are a million statistically "probable" things that don't necessarily happen, in any given person's life.
We aren't robots or machines, and even as animals our intellect, capacity to remember and act on our learning, a thousand variables and factors play into our choices and outcomes, in defiance of statistics, in defiance of "wiring" or "mating strategies" or any other kind of oversimplified logic that anybody could attempt to apply. There is no way whatsoever to know, if having had other partners prior to his marriage would have been a better or worse thing for the OP. It sure could have been worse in terms of the general risks of sex. He could have knocked up other women he didn't want to be with, or caught a disease that cannot be cured. Those risks can be mitigated to a point, but it's still a dice roll. Obviously it's possible that he could have learned and experienced things that he did not. Any possible experience could have been a positive or negative thing.
I've never traveled to another country. Have I missed out? Many people would say that yes, I definitely did! But I also could have wound up somewhere having my organs or my wallet stolen, I may have dodged disaster or a bad outcome. Who the heck knows? I don't know. But I'm happy with my life as I have lived it. I think we all experience curiosity about what would have happened, had we done this or that differently. Like the parallel universes theory that every time the probability of an uncertain outcome collapses when reality manifests, another world is spawned where the outcome was different...maybe that entire idea is just human "curiosity" at work.
I also just really believe that there's far too much variance in the human experience to try and write a bunch of pseudo-rules and generalizations and expect them to be a reliable guide in how best to live. Just because statistics say this or that, doesn't mean that it's what you can or should expect.
So some statistics reveal that this or that many prior partners makes one more or less likely to divorce. Statistics also show that most people are heterosexual, but that doesn't invalidate those who are not. That most people get married, and yet one can't sit there like it's just inconceivable for an adult to not be married. There are a million statistically "probable" things that don't necessarily happen, in any given person's life.
We aren't robots or machines, and even as animals our intellect, capacity to remember and act on our learning, a thousand variables and factors play into our choices and outcomes, in defiance of statistics, in defiance of "wiring" or "mating strategies" or any other kind of oversimplified logic that anybody could attempt to apply. There is no way whatsoever to know, if having had other partners prior to his marriage would have been a better or worse thing for the OP. It sure could have been worse in terms of the general risks of sex. He could have knocked up other women he didn't want to be with, or caught a disease that cannot be cured. Those risks can be mitigated to a point, but it's still a dice roll. Obviously it's possible that he could have learned and experienced things that he did not. Any possible experience could have been a positive or negative thing.
I've never traveled to another country. Have I missed out? Many people would say that yes, I definitely did! But I also could have wound up somewhere having my organs or my wallet stolen, I may have dodged disaster or a bad outcome. Who the heck knows? I don't know. But I'm happy with my life as I have lived it. I think we all experience curiosity about what would have happened, had we done this or that differently. Like the parallel universes theory that every time the probability of an uncertain outcome collapses when reality manifests, another world is spawned where the outcome was different...maybe that entire idea is just human "curiosity" at work.
Yeah, I have to concur how silly it is to use the "shopping for a car mentality" as the comparison to dating. You can't really make such comparisons. They are also known, in a derogatory demeanor, as "tire kickers".
These types really like to just fool around with multiple partners (sport F-ing), but disguise it as some legitimate form of looking for a legitimate relationship.
god actually doesnt like married couples doing it casually either without planning to get pregnent. some bible verse about wasting seeds.
One man in the Bible [Onan] violated the Leverite marriage law [which requires a man to bed his brother's wife]. There is no Bible passage against 'wasting seed'.
Quote:
... supposedly noah and his wife/moses and his wîfe slept on separate beds...
There is no Bible passage saying this.
Quote:
also, why condoms, birth control are sins.
There is nothing in the Bible to imply birth control is a sin.
In my first marriage, I slept with a couple of my wife's friends, but she was in the bed with us. Not all of us at the same time, of course, but a few months apart. She actually surprised me when she told me to "go ahead if I want to". My wife was my first so she didn't have to tell me twice. I thought it was great! Then one day while I was at work, one of her friends introduced my wife to someone she went to bed with. She told me about it when I got home and it hurt. I told her it hurt.
Then she really set me straight. She told me she said for me to do it with her friends because she loved me and didn't want me to go find sex out somewhere, but it hurt that I went ahead. She had sex with him for 2 reasons. To see what it was like with someone else (we were both virgins) and to let me know how she felt when I did. From then on neither one of us did it with anybody else. It's not worth it.
I told wife #2 about it (no, all that wasn't the cause of the divorce) and she told me I'd better not try it again. She wouldn't be as nice about it. Told her no problem. I got that feeling out of my system for good.
In my first marriage, I slept with a couple of my wife's friends, but she was in the bed with us. Not all of us at the same time, of course, but a few months apart. She actually surprised me when she told me to "go ahead if I want to". My wife was my first so she didn't have to tell me twice. I thought it was great! Then one day while I was at work, one of her friends introduced my wife to someone she went to bed with. She told me about it when I got home and it hurt. I told her it hurt.
I think the OP is referring to having sex prior to marriage with other partners, not after marriage. I didn't get the picture that he wants to cheat on his wife.
Yeah, I have to concur how silly it is to use the "shopping for a car mentality" as the comparison to dating. You can't really make such comparisons. They are also known, in a derogatory demeanor, as "tire kickers".
These types really like to just fool around with multiple partners (sport F-ing), but disguise it as some legitimate form of looking for a legitimate relationship.
This is a pretty strange place for you to go with what I said, or what I replied to.
Are you actually clueless and unaware of the "high mileage" and other disparaging comments that are made about women with sexual experience?
I'm pretty sure that's what was being discussed, not..."tire kickers?"
And frankly, this sounds like just another framing by the Disgruntled Struggle-Bros Club to disparage people who don't go along with the plan or program that THEY think is right. Like if, oh, say, you date a woman, have sex with her, but then she decides you aren't the one to form a long-term bond with, and you're all salty about that so you say she's just messing around kicking tires? Or that she must have lied when she said she wanted a legitimate relationship, since you were willing to do that, and she did not go for it with you? Like maybe she gave you a fair chance to see if she could enjoy being with you, and something about her experiences with you during that time soured it for her, or she decided you're just not the one?
Anybody can decide that at any time.
But in all fairness, your previous goings on about how women should really settle for Mr. Good Enough and so forth, really color my interpretation of your comment here.
Just because two people have had sex, doesn't mean that anybody owes anybody a relationship, a long term commitment. As much as it sucks when you're hoping for one and it doesn't happen.
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