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So I have known this man for 10 years. We go to conventions together (hobby related) I thought he was cute from the first time I saw him but he was married at the time and married men are off limits. He has now divorced and w have met up several times after that for dinner or coffee.
A few months ago I invited him over for coffee to catch up as I had not seen him again for years. We did have some contact through email but that was mostly initiated by me.
So he came to visit and I did tell him that I had a hard time keeping in touch with him because sometimes he wouldn't even email me back and it was always me who had to ask how he was doing. He did apologize and promised to do better. From the get go I got a sense he was flirting with me. Asking questions about if I were seeing someone, which he had never done before. He would be touching me and when I sat next to him to show him this picture on my phone I could have sworn he was trying to rub my arm and elbow and he kept looking at me. So when it was time for him to leave I think he tried kissing me but I was so taken aback that I turned my head. He hugged me several times and kissed me on the cheek a few times and then he left.
The next day I asked what happend the night before and he basically said he wanted to thank me for listening to his problems. I have done that before but was never thanked like that by him.
For years I have been wanting to tell him how I felt because I have nothing to loose. We don't have the same friends so no awkward situations and even it that means loosing a friend, that is fine because we hardly see eachother to begin with so the missing won't be that bad.
I invited him over the week after and ofcourse I totally chickened out but the touching, squeezing and feeling did not stop. And there was no reason to thank me for listening this time.
I ended up emailing him my feelings and I did tell him that I did not expect nor wanted anything from him. And he basically said Oh dear I thought I sensed that. I got very angry and basically told him if it weren't for him acting the way he had, I would not have told him. He then replied that he believed I misinterpreted his words and we should talk about it. And there is my problem.
There is nothing to talk about. I don't get why he wants to talk about it. Is it just to say it will never happen and let's remain friends cause that seems pointless. We aren't that good of friends to begin with so even if we would never see eachother again that would not be a loss. Unless he does want to talk about how we could try to see if this would work. I don't know. But then why after all those years.
After I told him it was hard for me to keep in touch because there was no efford on his part he has changed his ways and he even send me an email twice without me initiating it so he is trying and that is what confuses me. Because at the same time, even meeting up for that conversation seemed to be very difficult. All those mixed signals.
Also at conventions I have noticed a few times that something was up, little things. One time I had to pass him and I put my two hands on his back to push him a side and he turned and looked at me I did feel a spark but that might have been just me. Especially if after that, I don't hear from him for ages, again it makes it all so confusing. I do believe he was still married at the time though. And obviously all the times he would leave after visiting my place, he'd be procrastinating at the door and sort of say bye but not leaving and just standing there all awkward. My friend actually said I should then have been the one to make a move. Well stupid me. I never thought this would even happen.
You're right, this is very confusing. Would you like to be more than friends, or not?
I honestly don't know. I am more prone to say no at the moment because I am not sure what is going on. And if I were to say yes and it turns out nothing will come from this, I'd be the one being disappointed so I my head I am going to stick with no.
Sooooo .... who knows what else he can say after, "Oh dear ..." but put me down for one vote in the "not into you" column.
Yes I agree and that is what is so confusing. Why else would his behavior change like that if he is not into me. Maybe it is a new thing but I don't act like that around people who I am not into.
I honestly don't know. I am more prone to say no at the moment because I am not sure what is going on. And if I were to say yes and it turns out nothing will come from this, I'd be the one being disappointed so I my head I am going to stick with no.
You are very confusing.
The guy was married = unavailable. Just friends and no contact. Understandable.
The guy now is divorced = available. Shows affection toward you by arm rubbing and procrastinating at the door. I assume he wanted you to give him a green light to pin you against the wall with a passionate kiss. Oh no, you blame him for the red light.
If you invite a guy to a personal area such as your place alone then it usually means there is going to be something more intimate then meeting in public.
I think you are the type to hold back your feeling because you are afraid of rejection.
Yeah... that "Oh dear..." was pretty clear and not confusing at all. He likes you as a friend, when you're there, at the conventions, but he is now divorced and most likely seeing/being with someone.
His lack of initiated communication is another hint.
In those 10 years you should have your own relationships. Did you wait for him? He is not the one.
Please don't pursue...
I honestly don't know. I am more prone to say no at the moment because I am not sure what is going on. And if I were to say yes and it turns out nothing will come from this, I'd be the one being disappointed so I my head I am going to stick with no.
Your post used words like “spark”. This indicates to me, the friend that suggested you make the first move, knows how you really feel. You can’t just change your feelings based on what you predict the outcome to be.
The guy was married = unavailable. Just friends and no contact. Understandable.
The guy now is divorced = available. Shows affection toward you by arm rubbing and procrastinating at the door. I assume he wanted you to give him a green light to pin you against the wall with a passionate kiss. Oh no, you blame him for the red light.
If you invite a guy to a personal area such as your place alone then it usually means there is going to be something more intimate then meeting in public.
I think you are the type to hold back your feeling because you are afraid of rejection.
You are absolutely right about that. I am scared of what could happen or what could not happen. I just wish he did make a move so I know where I am standing. Although when we have coffee with a friend normally it is at someone his house. So that is not really that weird. Though both kids being away, we'll yeah.. But for my defense I never thought he would so this type of behavior. He has been over plenty of times before.
Your post used words like “spark”. This indicates to me, the friend that suggested you make the first move, knows how you really feel. You can’t just change your feelings based on what you predict the outcome to be.
Well I was hoping he did not know because after all he has always been married before so you then hide your feelings. aAd this was the first time I saw him after years.
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