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Well, no. Let's not perpetuate the old "if a woman has few men interested in her, she'll be thrilled at attention from anyone!" BS. Please, let's not. Even women who aren't highly-attractive to men, or aren't attractive to men at all, are still allowed to be choosy and ought not to be assumed to be so desperate they'll be overjoyed at whoever is willing to talk to them. (Nor should we perpetuate the idea that these women need any sort of "charity" flirtations.)
I was assuming the OP isn't "anyone". The OP comes across to have at least some admirable qualities, and his platonic women friends apparently have said so. Sure, all women, and all men, are allowed to be choosy. Which is why I suggested a couple of chats, to see if there's any mutual interest. I didn't say they'd be interested in a dating process or relationship, only in a couple of conversations, to scope the OP out.
I was only pointing out, that the OP seems to be making a blanket assumption about women, that doesn't apply across the board, or even to a majority of women, probably. He's made his decision based on an erroneous belief.
I've been wondering this, too. It sounds like the OP is from a small town, so if something blows up in his social circle, there's no alternative for him....? That's what it sounds like; I have no idea if that's true, though.
Pursue seems like such a poor choice of wording. It sounds so one sided. Is it pursuit to simply express an interest in getting to know someone better by asking them on a date? I used to date a lot but the only time I ever felt pursued was when some guys couldn't take no for an answer and kept chasing after me anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC
A lot is talked about how women should be careful with guys that just want sex and give tips on how to detect when a guy is just after that and that is great. Women should be careful. But somehow people rarely ever talk about what things guys should be careful on and detect when a girl simply wants another guy to use for free stuff and favors, make him waste his time, etc.
So it's a waste of time if the end result isn't sex? Good to know...
Pursue seems like such a poor choice of wording. It sounds so one sided. Is it pursuit to simply express an interest in getting to know someone better by asking them on a date? I used to date a lot but the only time I ever felt pursued was when some guys couldn't take no for an answer and kept chasing after me anyway.
So it's a waste of time if the end result isn't sex? Good to know...
I think what he meant is when men waste their time on a woman who isn't interested in them and has made it clear they're not.
I agree but the part I don't get is why women, at least in western countries, don't do the approaching (at least as often as men) or taking initiative to court and romance a guy if "getting rejected is no big deal."
Pursue seems like such a poor choice of wording. It sounds so one sided. Is it pursuit to simply express an interest in getting to know someone better by asking them on a date? I used to date a lot but the only time I ever felt pursued was when some guys couldn't take no for an answer and kept chasing after me anyway.
So it's a waste of time if the end result isn't sex? Good to know...
Good point. Having a couple of conversations with someone really isn't "pursuing". At that stage, neither of the people involved even know if they have a serious interest in the other, let alone have thoughts of "pursuing", as if hunting a fleeing deer.
I've been wondering this, too. It sounds like the OP is from a small town, so if something blows up in his social circle, there's no alternative for him....? That's what it sounds like; I have no idea if that's true, though.
That would have to be a seriously small town.
OP, was there something that happened during the breakup that caused you to be socially shunned for 2 years? That sounds like it needs a thread all its own! What did you DO!!!???
I'm just putting this out there to see if there is another perspective I might be missing, or to see if anyone else feels the same way I do.
I'm a straight man who doesn't pursue women. I'm referring to ANY kind of pursuit or flirting or asking women out or even initiating contact (unless I absolutely must make contact, like for my job.) My basic philosophy is that women shouldn't be put into the position of having to turn down unwanted advances, no matter how "respectfully" I do it.
I ask myself: why would I put her in the unfair position of having to reject me? I shouldn't be making choices based on my own needs..
There are a couple reasons why I feel this way: 1) the inherent imbalance that exists in our society, and 2) I'm erring on the side of caution: it's been proven that the majority of women aren't going to be interested (even though men are encouraged to try just in case she's interested.)
Or you could be a PERSON. And treat other people, including women, as PEOPLE.
I agree but the part I don't get is why women, at least in western countries, don't do the approaching (at least as often as men) or taking initiative to court and romance a guy if "getting rejected is no big deal."
A couple of things... What makes you think that this phenomenon of women not approaching is less an issue outside of western countries? I don’t know of too many countries where the women are more liberated than women are in the west, and I’ve traveled quite a bit. Can you provide some citation?
Secondly... The question of “women doing the approaching” has been discussed a million times here.
I don’t want to come off as being mean or uncaring, but... while I have approached a guy in the past, the majority of the time men approach me. It’s pretty much been like this forever. Men approach and women either accept or reject. Personally... this works for me. Sorry, not sorry. If a man is too timid or what have you.. to approach me, he’s probably not the guy I am looking for anyway. While I may have some empathy for these guys who are constantly complaining about equality in approaching.. it’s not an issue for me so my concern is fleeting. Other than opining in a thread now and then.. I’ve really not given it a second thought.
As to the OP... that’s a man’s prerogative.. if he doesn’t want to do the approaching, it’s no skin off my nose. No matter how he frames/rationalizes it... Not my problem. Good luck to him!
Last edited by Sydney123; 05-28-2019 at 05:07 PM..
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