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Just to add to my previous posts, I also think that in Western cultures the term "Friend zone" gets bad rep because it is often used as an excuse by women to stop undesirable advances from guys.
The truth is, you really want to be actual friends with your long term partner and becoming "friends first" is not always that bad. Granted, it wont always evolve into sexual long term relationship, but it is certainly not a bad place to start.
I have a lot of women that I interact with who are married/in relationships and they all find it unbelievable that I dont have anyone. But it occurred to me that they think of me so highly because I am real me with them. I am not pursuing them for obvious reasons and I am just able to be my true self when I talk to them, which in turn makes me that much more attractive in their eyes.
So it stands to reason that being a good friend is in fact desirable. If there is potential to become more than that - good! If not, not a big deal! Its a good thing to have many friends without focusing too much on what you can get out of them for your own gain.
You are around single women all day long. So am I. At work, at social events, at the gym, in my neighborhood...
But I don't pry into their personal life. This is what I think you are doing wrong. Are you able to have a casual conversation without doing that? Is it possible for you to talk to women as if they were men?
I’m talking about if it’s for example my friends girlfriends friends at a bar or something I’ll ask how she knows my friends girlfriend light stuff like that. I’m not asking her about her deepest and darkest fears or her 401k
When guys say a girl is frigid, that comes to mind. Also when girls say no guy approaches them or doesn't asks them out because "they are all intimidated" also means the same: men do not find her attractive, nice, or BOTH. People should ask themselves what's wrong with themselves every once in a while before thinking that society doesn't like them.
Agreed! A woman being single for years doesn't indicate she is frigid or unaccepted by society. In my case, I'm not interested in being committed (in a relationship)...at the time. I have been without a serious relationship off and on for years. I'm not sad or complaining or "wondering where all the good men are". Good men are all around me, I'm glad I get to choose.
I'm pretty sure the title of the thread is Straight Men Who Don't Pursue Women though, some posters seem to want to keep steering this to What's Wrong With Women.
I’m talking about if it’s for example my friends girlfriends friends at a bar or something I’ll ask how she knows my friends girlfriend light stuff like that. I’m not asking her about her deepest and darkest fears or her 401k
Ok, so that happened once? Because you said you rarely are around single women.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by ThisTown123
True, but it also means the same as unfriendliness.
"showing no friendliness or enthusiasm; stiff or formal in behavior or style."
Come on. People know, or should damn know, that its a loaded term used to denigrate women. You never hear a man called "frigid". Stiff? Sure. Cold? Yup. Frigid? Nope.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Originally Posted by ThisTown123
This happens to me all the time. Married women are totally NICE to me and engaging. Sometimes they even FLIRT!
So indeedly refreshing that I get a natural high from it.
Single women, however, act the extreme opposite as if you have the plague. lol
VERY strange phenomena here! Hmmmm. Somethin's amiss!
Not strange to me. Married women have a ring to keep single guys from even thinking about being interested. Single women don’t have that luxury and are more likely to put their walls up against interested guys they aren’t interested in.
I'm just putting this out there to see if there is another perspective I might be missing, or to see if anyone else feels the same way I do.
I'm a straight man who doesn't pursue women. I'm referring to ANY kind of pursuit or flirting or asking women out or even initiating contact (unless I absolutely must make contact, like for my job.) My basic philosophy is that women shouldn't be put into the position of having to turn down unwanted advances, no matter how "respectfully" I do it.
I ask myself: why would I put her in the unfair position of having to reject me? I shouldn't be making choices based on my own needs..
There are a couple reasons why I feel this way: 1) the inherent imbalance that exists in our society, and 2) I'm erring on the side of caution: it's been proven that the majority of women aren't going to be interested (even though men are encouraged to try just in case she's interested.)
This isn't about feeling sorry for myself or being cynical or bitter or blaming women or anything of the kind. I'm talking about being realistic about my odds, and refusing to think primarily of my own needs. If a woman wants to talk with me, then I'm totally open to that.
I'm intrigued and a bit baffled that there isn't more dialogue about this. We talk about the inevitability of men's aggression, as though it's not a choice, but in my experience, there is conditioning that normalizes this type of behavior, and encourages men to "take a chance," or "be bold."
I've already heard from people who say it's perfectly fine to pursue women and that it can actually be flattering. I want to hear from the people who feel that it's really not okay to take your chances in an environment that is already rather hostile towards women.
Ultimately, if ALL women felt 100% comfortable rejecting unwanted advances without fear of how he will react, then I would feel a little better making advances. But I've heard plenty of stories from my female friends (and read plenty of stories) about men not taking rejection well. So, I can be reasonably sure that if I'm "taking my chances," what I'm really doing is contributing to that uncomfortable environment where she feels compelled to tiptoe around what she assumes will be a fragile ego. In other words, no matter how nice you are, if you are pursuing women, I believe that it contributes to a hostile environment for women, in some way or other.
Thanks for reading! Any thoughts would be appreciated
I think it depends on who you're dealing with. Could just be that the women you attract to you feel that way, but I don't think all women or even most women feel that way. There is no Black and White answer on this way because you may see women from the perspective of those you are continuously around, for whatever reason, to suggest that this unilaterally applies to all women, of all races, of all ages, all socioeconomic situations, all religions, all faiths, I don't think so.
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