Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We have separate checking accounts. Lately he has been coming home drunk. He used to drink in front of me but I couldn’t handle it anymore. The slurring of his words. How mean (and sometimes to nice and loud) he got. Worrying about his liver (which is still ok per blood tests) etc....now I only witness him drinking 3 or 4 lite beers a night. But whenever he goes to the liquor store after work he comes home and I can smell hard liquor and he starts to sound more animated and saying his words different. He denies he drank anything but I I tell him I can smell it. He just laughs at me if I ask to smell his breath but won’t let me and says it’s just the beer he is drinking. Then he will say the liquor store gave him a sample of a liquor and they are always trying to give him samples. I doubt the store gives him enough samples to make him drunk? I figure he is buying small bottles and downing them before he gets home? So the other day I asked to check his bank account online. I just said I was doing some budgeting. He just ignored me saying he didn’t have his password. It was at work. Which I know he has because he checks it on his phone a lot. Then I asked him again another time when he was definitely drunk and he just brushed it off saying omg you don’t trust me etc....I just can’t handle the drunkenness anyone. He then will turn it around and say well you haven’t been to the Dr this year and I have etc....or I’m fine and I’m not drunk and just gets mad if I ask him what he drank.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VTsnowbird
If you are both on the bank account, you can each have your own user ID and password to access it. But that is the least of your problems.
really, you are not even reading the first sentence?
I have about 20K which isn’t a lot (although my friends think it is but they live paycheck to paycheck). I don’t think he is that destructive with finances though. He is just a lazy and a loner who doesn’t like to be social. When he is forced to be though people think he is so nice and easy going. They don’t know what he is like otherwise.
When was the last time you looked at your own credit report? It might be difficult to get a look at his and his finances but you can at least make sure he's not borrowing using your name. Somebody headed down the alcoholic rabbit hole typically drags other people with them.
If your husband tanks financially, he takes you out with him. If the alcohol lands the guy unemployed and un-hireable, you could easily end up with a divorce decree where you're paying alimony on $41K income. If you think living on your own on $41K is a struggle, try it with a $1,000/month alimony payment. The state doesn't want to support the guy and you'd be the one with the deepest pockets. I don't know what state you're in but there are a lot of states where that kind of horror story can happen.
Piggy-backing on the previous post, if he gets a DUI/DWI, the defense will cost a pretty penny and he still might get his license suspended. Oh, and pay more for insurance.
I have a REAL job. A good one at a software company. I make 41K which isn’t bad but not enough to live on. 15 years ago I made 30K and was able live on my own but times have changed.
Don't be ridiculous. He's barricading your access to his bank statement, because of some overeating and alcoholism? I don't think so.
OP, we have no idea what's going on, but there have been cases in which the wife got a rude awakening, to discover that the house had been second-mortgaged to cover gambling debts, for one example. It happens. Stuff happens. It might not be a bad idea for you to take steps to protect yourself. Do you have a decent savings, in case you have to get your own place at some point. Any debt he incurs would involve you, too; you can be held responsible, if a mortgage bank comes after the house, or credit card companies want to collect. As long as you're married to him, his debt is yours, too.
Al-Anon was a terrific idea. You'll find a very supportive atmosphere there, with plenty of help in dealing with the challenges in your relationship.
The husband of a good friend of mine charged $100,000 on various credit cards without his wife knowing about it.
When she went to a divorce attorney she was told that not only was she legally responsible for half ($50,000 Yikes), but in practical terms if her husband (or ex-husband if they got a divorce) refused to pay his share the credit card company would go after her. And, she would be responsible for the full $100,000. The wife got a second job, sold some property that she inherited from her parents, her husband was put on a strict budget, and it still took many years (about nine or ten years) to pay it all off.
You must look help for your husband now. Look for rehab centers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7
I have about 20K which isn’t a lot (although my friends think it is but they live paycheck to paycheck). I don’t think he is that destructive with finances though. He is just a lazy and a loner who doesn’t like to be social. When he is forced to be though people think he is so nice and easy going. They don’t know what he is like otherwise.
20k? Get out, help yourself. You should be able to pull something together by the time this runs out unless your lifestyle is pretty lavish.
Piggy-backing on the previous post, if he gets a DUI/DWI, the defense will cost a pretty penny and he still might get his license suspended. Oh, and pay more for insurance.
It would also send your auto insurance rate up, too.
My former husband was dropped by his insurance company after his first DUI; even though our cars were never on the same policy with the same insurance company, *my* rate went up because of his past driving record. It didn't matter that my car was in my name only and that he rarely, if ever drove it. It's a risk assessment thing, i.e., had he driven my car when drunk and gotten into an accident, the company would have been on the hook for paying any damages to people and/or property.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 06-18-2019 at 08:14 PM..
I have about 20K which isn’t a lot (although my friends think it is but they live paycheck to paycheck). I don’t think he is that destructive with finances though. He is just a lazy and a loner who doesn’t like to be social. When he is forced to be though people think he is so nice and easy going. They don’t know what he is like otherwise.
Unless you live in a high cost of living area, you should be able to fly solo with your salary and savings as an emergency fund if you carefully manage your finances.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
really, you are not even reading the first sentence?
