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Posting questions about my love life online is something I have never done before, and honestly, I feel quite foolish for doing so. It feels desperate; however, I really need some advice and there is nobody that I can talk to in my life without judgement. So please, I would appreciate mature and respectful feedback only.
Brief backstory: I am 50 yrs. old, educated, DWF working in an administrative position at a very large organization (12k people). For a couple of years or so I have had a strong liking for a man who works for the same org as I do, and I think about him more often then I care to admit. He is in a much higher position than I am (near the top of the Org) but not my boss. He is 14 years older than I. From what I know about him (through colleagues and his social media profiles), he is a very kind, down-to-earth man, and it seems like we have quite a bit in common. We have never formally met. We run in to each other every couple of months or so. We smile, say hello, and for a brief few minutes when no one is watching, we exchange long, intense but sincere, eye contact with each other. Last year, he came into my office on a few different occasions to ask me random, weird questions that had nothing to do with work. I feel these were attempts at an interaction with me. My intuition tells me that he is as attracted to me as I am to him. My heart races when he is around, and I notice that he seems very nervous and super-awkward around me as well. From what I understand, he is divorced and is at the end of a LTR. I think this is why he has not made a move, which I understand and respect completely. Recently, I heard through office chat that he may be leaving our organization for a higher paying position in another state. So now, panic has set in and I feel it's now or never that I make a move. I just can't let him leave without putting myself out there, even if it means receiving a crushing rejection. Can I reach out to him via private message on FB? If so, how do I start, and what can I say?
Posting questions about my love life online is something I have never done before, and honestly, I feel quite foolish for doing so. It feels desperate; however, I really need some advice and there is nobody that I can talk to in my life without judgement. So please, I would appreciate mature and respectful feedback only.
Brief backstory: I am 50 yrs. old, educated, DWF working in an administrative position at a very large organization (12k people). For a couple of years or so I have had a strong liking for a man who works for the same org as I do, and I think about him more often then I care to admit. He is in a much higher position than I am (near the top of the Org) but not my boss. He is 14 years older than I. From what I know about him (through colleagues and his social media profiles), he is a very kind, down-to-earth man, and it seems like we have quite a bit in common. We have never formally met. We run in to each other every couple of months or so. We smile, say hello, and for a brief few minutes when no one is watching, we exchange long, intense but sincere, eye contact with each other. Last year, he came into my office on a few different occasions to ask me random, weird questions that had nothing to do with work. I feel these were attempts at an interaction with me. My intuition tells me that he is as attracted to me as I am to him. My heart races when he is around, and I notice that he seems very nervous and super-awkward around me as well. From what I understand, he is divorced and is at the end of a LTR. I think this is why he has not made a move, which I understand and respect completely. Recently, I heard through office chat that he may be leaving our organization for a higher paying position in another state. So now, panic has set in and I feel it's now or never that I make a move. I just can't let him leave without putting myself out there, even if it means receiving a crushing rejection. Can I reach out to him via private message on FB? If so, how do I start, and what can I say?
You say you've never formally met, but you have interacted one-on-one several times. So to me, you are drawing an artificial boundary that doesn't really mean anything by requiring a formal introduction.
I would just convert one of those office conversations into an invitation to lunch or some other off-site time when you can get to know each other. You say you want to put yourself out there, and IMHO this would be a much more direct way of doing that than a FB message.
Besides, he may not be an active FB user, or if you are not already FB friends your message will go into a "private message request" purgatory that he may not see for a long time.
I just can't muster up the courage to say something to him in person, and I also fear I may not have an opportunity to see him again in person if he leaves. Additionally, if his response is not what I hope for, I would prefer to hide my grief behind the computer Also, he is pretty active on FB.
I just can't muster up the courage to say something to him in person, and I also fear I may not have an opportunity to see him again in person if he leaves. Additionally, if his response is not what I hope for, I would prefer to hide my grief behind the computer Also, he is pretty active on FB.
Then just do it, and prepare yourself for any outcome.
I honestly believe you should wait until he's no longer at the company, just to minimize the risk, but all you have to do is keep it brief and say something like, "I heard you are leaving XX Company and will miss our conversations. Let's keep in touch!"
Then it's not as if you are asking him out, per se, but you keep the lines of communication open.
If he is receptive, you may spend some time writing messages and getting to know each other. If he's not he may tell you so, or he may ignore the message.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JadeZ
Posting questions about my love life online is something I have never done before, and honestly, I feel quite foolish for doing so. It feels desperate;
lol why do you come on the web site at all then? So you're saying that all of us who talk about our problems on here are desperate and you look down on us? I guess you look down on yourself then lol?
You remind me of people who would come on Yahoo Chat every day and yet insist "I am not a chatter". lol.
I guess now you know why people talk about their problems online, and that it doesn't mean they have a mental issue or something.
Quote:
Brief backstory: I am 50 yrs. old, educated, DWF working in an administrative position at a very large organization (12k people). For a couple of years or so I have had a strong liking for a man who works for the same org as I do, and I think about him more often then I care to admit. He is in a much higher position than I am (near the top of the Org) but not my boss. [...] I just can't let him leave without putting myself out there, even if it means receiving a crushing rejection. Can I reach out to him via private message on FB? If so, how do I start, and what can I say?
Well, his rank could be a problem. In the military that would be considered "fraternization"; you're not supposed to get involved with enlisted if you're an officer, nor are you supposed to be involved with people of significantly lower rank.
If you don't care about that part, then I guess you can always ask if he's into you. Men aren't like women in this regard; he won't feel threatened or anything like that, if he's not interested. So, yes, if you don't think fraternization is an issue -- if it is not against the rules in your organization -- then I would say to give it a shot.
Why not reach out privately by asking him if it's true he is leaving? That would be a good way to get a conversation started, but it kind of leaves it up to him where he takes it.
I just can't muster up the courage to say something to him in person, and I also fear I may not have an opportunity to see him again in person if he leaves. Additionally, if his response is not what I hope for, I would prefer to hide my grief behind the computer Also, he is pretty active on FB.
Rebecca, you should definitely tell Mr. Drake how you really feel. Pretend to be his chauffer then spill your guts while driving. Make sure the privacy glass is down.
Why try to start something with a guy “moving to another state” at all?
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Also, he is pretty active on FB.
