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I met my Girlfriend back in January on Bumble. I do like her a lot but there are some things that make me think a lot about what I got my self into and possibly re consider what I got into, Here's the low down. I am 26 years old and work a pretty good paying job but the hours and days off are not your normal. She works a 4 day a week Job and puts in about 12 hours a day. Like I mentioned I met her on Bumble and I think how the paths crossed is when I was away on a Job. We are in Wisconsin, I been here just about my whole life and absolutely love it. She is 25 and a transplant from Texas who moved here with her Family a summer ago, She had no experience with our weather and what you really need to survive here, however both her parents are originally Wisconsinites. We currently live an hour away from each other and since she was from Texas and the time we met I had to meet her somewhere and do our dates she didnt know how to drive in our Winter Weather. I later discovered she does not have a car and living in Larger city suffers from Anxiety when it comes to driving so this has made things extremely difficult on me as She cannot come see me when its convenient which leaves me to when the time is right to go see her and that has added up on me in many ways. when moving here she also did not make it a priority to get a new license and ended up letting it expire and the state would not issue her a license, she currently walks to work. I don't want to go into non relevant stuff but the Family only has 2 vehicles, 1 is always gone because her Father is always gone on Business, The other Mom Protects like no tomorrow and Mom is unwilling to help her out and Brother is a useless Basement Living Video Gamer. The Car and Driving came to the picture way too late and had I known the real issues before Hand I probably wouldn't of got my self into this. She says she is trying to save up for a car but cannot get to the DMV to take a road test unless her father is home to use his vehicle since Mom wont help her out. It really limits her Freedom and puts stress on both of us and I am getting to the point I don't know how much longer I can go. I have offered her to use my car to get the test in but she sounded very against it as she isn't familiar with driving my car and I think she is actually deathly afraid of driving. I didnt mean to make this long but I need some advice as Summer will soon be over and Old Man Winter will be on its way and we are back to Square 1. I am also not in a position to move closer to her because it would move me further away from my Work location. She also doesn't have any friends her so I am the only one she has and she believes she is very deep with me but I dont quite feel the same way because of her lack of transportation and what not.
I met my Girlfriend back in January on Bumble. I do like her a lot but there are some things that make me think a lot about what I got my self into and possibly re consider what I got into, Here's the low down. I am 26 years old and work a pretty good paying job but the hours and days off are not your normal. She works a 4 day a week Job and puts in about 12 hours a day. Like I mentioned I met her on Bumble and I think how the paths crossed is when I was away on a Job. We are in Wisconsin, I been here just about my whole life and absolutely love it. She is 25 and a transplant from Texas who moved here with her Family a summer ago, She had no experience with our weather and what you really need to survive here, however both her parents are originally Wisconsinites. We currently live an hour away from each other and since she was from Texas and the time we met I had to meet her somewhere and do our dates she didnt know how to drive in our Winter Weather. I later discovered she does not have a car and living in Larger city suffers from Anxiety when it comes to driving so this has made things extremely difficult on me as She cannot come see me when its convenient which leaves me to when the time is right to go see her and that has added up on me in many ways. when moving here she also did not make it a priority to get a new license and ended up letting it expire and the state would not issue her a license, she currently walks to work. I don't want to go into non relevant stuff but the Family only has 2 vehicles, 1 is always gone because her Father is always gone on Business, The other Mom Protects like no tomorrow and Mom is unwilling to help her out and Brother is a useless Basement Living Video Gamer. The Car and Driving came to the picture way too late and had I known the real issues before Hand I probably wouldn't of got my self into this. She says she is trying to save up for a car but cannot get to the DMV to take a road test unless her father is home to use his vehicle since Mom wont help her out. It really limits her Freedom and puts stress on both of us and I am getting to the point I don't know how much longer I can go. I have offered her to use my car to get the test in but she sounded very against it as she isn't familiar with driving my car and I think she is actually deathly afraid of driving. I didnt mean to make this long but I need some advice as Summer will soon be over and Old Man Winter will be on its way and we are back to Square 1. I am also not in a position to move closer to her because it would move me further away from my Work location.
Appreciate any feedback
Brent
There's no need to fret. This is part of the dating process. You're getting to know each other and learning about what you like and don't like, and the "don't like" stuff is starting to show.
The problem isn't driving, of course. The real problem is her lack of self-reliance. She is still very much dependent on her parents, so it feels like you're dating a 15-year-old instead of a grown woman.
You need to listen to your gut and really think about where to go next because it sounds like your gut is telling you this isn't actually a match.
Distance is hard. I don't think an hour is bad, but there will be times in winter when you have to cancel on account of the weather. Is she flexible about that? Is it easy to find alternate times, or do your schedules align poorly? Do you have any financial concerns with taking on the mileage and gas?
Her living at home and the apparent family drama would be a bigger concern for me than the travel burden, frankly.
Distance is hard. I don't think an hour is bad, but there will be times in winter when you have to cancel on account of the weather. Is she flexible about that? Is it easy to find alternate times, or do your schedules align poorly? Do you have any financial concerns with taking on the mileage and gas?
Her living at home and the apparent family drama would be a bigger concern for me than the travel burden, frankly.
No our schedules do not align at all. Right now I work various hours of the day or night (on call type work so this is where it gets difficult as shes an hour away and my work location is an hour a different direction) with Mid Week Days off. She is off Friday Saturday and Sundays. If we were to get together its always by her and I feel at her place we have no privacy, my place we would have privacy and our own space that is respected and I live in a rural area where as she is in a city. If its just for a day that puts 4 trips at an hour each way so that's 4 hours and yes it does add up, Financially it does not bother me but time wise and the miles and wear and tear on my vehicle, I have asked numerous times if she could get assistance to even meet me half way but have gotten a no each time.
No our schedules do not align at all. Right now I work various hours of the day or night (on call type work so this is where it gets difficult as shes an hour away and my work location is an hour a different direction) with Mid Week Days off. She is off Friday Saturday and Sundays. If we were to get together its always by her and I feel at her place we have no privacy, my place we would have privacy and our own space that is respected and I live in a rural area where as she is in a city. If its just for a day that puts 4 trips at an hour each way so that's 4 hours and yes it does add up, Financially it does not bother me but time wise and the miles and wear and tear on my vehicle, I have asked numerous times if she could get assistance to even meet me half way but have gotten a no each time.
Doesn't sound like a great arrangement to me, BUT your schedule is unusual and you live in a rural area so there may be a price to pay if you want to maintain that and try to meet someone.
Does she stand out to you compared with other girls you've dated?
Doesn't sound like a great arrangement to me, BUT your schedule is unusual and you live in a rural area so there may be a price to pay if you want to maintain that and try to meet someone.
Does she stand out to you compared with other girls you've dated?
Have you met her family?
I wouldn't say I am too rural, I only live 10 mins outside of a mid sized community but typical Mid Western life as I say it. My my personal side I haven't actually been in very many relationships, nothing was able to get past the 1st Date or even past a few conversations. The only one I ever had before this was someone who lived close to me when I relocated for work for a few years in my early years of my career. I have met her Family, Her Dad is a great guy loves to talk about a lot of stuff I like but hes always on the go with his job, Mom has health problems and is very lazy just likes to stay home read, watch tv, do puzzles. and her Brother is just as useless as he lives in the Basement and is a hardcore Video Gamer. So you can see what shes stuck with at home. The Family Says they are a very Family Oriented type Family as they have other family members within the State and all over. I feel they accept me but at the same time I also am not sure Mother accepts me because her unwillingness to help her own daughter out because I came into her life. From what I gathered My Girlfriend hasn't been in many relationships either.
I met my Girlfriend back in January on Bumble. I do like her a lot but there are some things that make me think a lot about what I got my self into and possibly re consider what I got into
had I known the real issues before Hand I probably wouldn't of got my self into this.
and that's where you probably should have asked more questions in the beginning, and done more investigating, before getting involved. as someone who doesn't drive either, I mention that to people, so if they're out of town, they know that they'd have to be the one coming here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ERD055
she believes she is very deep with me but I dont quite feel the same way because of her lack of transportation and what not.
saying that you don't feel the same bc of her lack of transportation, seems a little shallow. if it's just logistical, then it seems like something could be done, such as her moving closer or in with you. I would have a talk and let her know what an issue it is, before you (I'm sorry, she) get any "deeper".
There's no need to fret. This is part of the dating process. You're getting to know each other and learning about what you like and don't like, and the "don't like" stuff is starting to show.
The problem isn't driving, of course. The real problem is her lack of self-reliance. She is still very much dependent on her parents, so it feels like you're dating a 15-year-old instead of a grown woman.
You need to listen to your gut and really think about where to go next because it sounds like your gut is telling you this isn't actually a match.
I agree with Birdie about this not being a match [for you]. The girl could really use a friend right now. If you can keep things in perspective and properly define the boundaries openly, you could really help her get her life going.
Mom has health problems and is very lazy just likes to stay home read, watch tv, do puzzles. and her Brother is just as useless as he lives in the Basement and is a hardcore Video Gamer. So you can see what shes stuck with at home.
Not a very good female role model.
Could be her mom has been reluctant to give her children wings, as they say, and empower her daughter to live her own life. Mom has kept her two grown kids at home to keep her from feeling lonely.
This kind of environment can be crippling, as you can see. Your girlfriend sounds like she has a LOT of growing up to do, emotionally. The anxiety, the fear of new things, fear of common things like driving, lack of desire to branch out .... it all sounds like someone who has grown up in a very sheltered environment.
I get that you both have challenges in your love lives. You just need to know what you'll be dealing with in the years to come if you stay with her. Many things that are just part of daily life for people will never be easy for her, and you will really have to compensate for that with her, which could evolve into enabling or always walking on eggshells, making sure conditions are just right so your GF doesn't get upset or stressed out, if she doesn't step up to become a fully emotionally independent person.
My mom was like this. There are a few posters on here who have been living in marriages like this for years. It's exhausting.
If you really liked her, the distance and the driving wouldn't matter because you couldn't wait to see her and be with her again, regardless of any logistics that were challenging. So she doesn't sound like she's the one for you, romantically speaking.
When you meet the right person, no amount of distance or wear and tear your car is going to matter to you.
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