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Well, under different circumstances I'd take you up on that. At the very least, thanks for the ego buff.
Oh there is nothing nicer than the "I see your reference, and I raise you a reference to your reference." Well. I'm kind of a geek, so that stuff tickles me anyways. In person I think this kind of thing, if one is fortunate enough to think of it in a timely manner (always my challenge, I think of the right response hours later, ugh!) will at least get someone smiles and further conversational engagement.
Funny thing. You know that band I love, GWAR, yeah? I have a number of t-shirts of them. I was wearing one in the grocery store and there was a guy soliciting the newspaper, and I had NO intention of subscribing to the damn paper (I really don't want it, seriously) but he started a conversation with me about my shirt. Knew some things about the band. Dammit. Now I'm sucked in. I wound up subscribing for 2 months. Gotta make sure I cancel before they charge my card again. If the phone rep I talk to brings up GWAR, I'm screwed.
I always wear one of those shirts to this one convention, about sci-fi, fantasy, fiction, horror and so on. The horror guys usually dig it. Inevitably people yell at me and conversations ensue. My boyfriend is just like, "here we go again" and wanders off. lol
Whatever. We gotta take those little happiness moments where we can get 'em, right?
It's been a while since I chimed in here. It sounds like this thread isn't about women being happy or unhappy, it's about goodheathen being frustrated at his lack of a love life.
First goodheathen, get offline. I mean that. You mentioned earlier you wished women would do online dating more and give guys a chance. Online dating just isn't popular with women. It's a mainly appealing to men for some reason and no amount of debate in this forum will change it. You are going to a place where men go. The places to find women who want to date are all in person, face-to-face. Try speed dating. I did that way back when and there was always a shortage of men. Not only do you know the women there are looking, you will be competing with less men. Another place to go is singles specific groups that hang out in person. Pick groups that will appeal to more women though (don't pick a male dominated hobby/dating group). But make sure those groups still appeal to you. In other words, don't join a wine taste group if you are a teetotaler. But if you enjoy social gatherings over beer, then a wine group might not be much of a stretch. But make sure it's actually a group where you are supposed to meet singles and if it isn't, respect the rules.
Before you can do any of this, what do you bring to the table? What makes you interesting, unique, and what would make you stand out? How are your social skills with strangers? (Hint, if you need to work on this, volunteer to help others and talk to the people you meet). Someone else posted earlier minimums for dating. Read that thread. If you only meet the minimum, you will never stand out and dating will be a lot harder for you.
My point is, while there are a lot of women who are happy single but there are more who are out there looking. You don't need those who are happy on their own to give you a chance, there are plenty of others out there. And no, because some women aren't looking doesn't mean there is a shortage. There are men out there not looking for women too.
Don't sweat the numbers, work on yourself, and do something that increases you chances of finding someone.
It's been a while since I chimed in here. It sounds like this thread isn't about women being happy or unhappy, it's about goodheathen being frustrated at his lack of a love life.
First goodheathen, get offline. I mean that. You mentioned earlier you wished women would do online dating more and give guys a chance. Online dating just isn't popular with women. It's a mainly appealing to men for some reason and no amount of debate in this forum will change it. You are going to a place where men go. The places to find women who want to date are all in person, face-to-face. Try speed dating. I did that way back when and there was always a shortage of men. Not only do you know the women there are looking, you will be competing with less men. Another place to go is singles specific groups that hang out in person. Pick groups that will appeal to more women though (don't pick a male dominated hobby/dating group). But make sure those groups still appeal to you. In other words, don't join a wine taste group if you are a teetotaler. But if you enjoy social gatherings over beer, then a wine group might not be much of a stretch. But make sure it's actually a group where you are supposed to meet singles and if it isn't, respect the rules.
Before you can do any of this, what do you bring to the table? What makes you interesting, unique, and what would make you stand out? How are your social skills with strangers? (Hint, if you need to work on this, volunteer to help others and talk to the people you meet). Someone else posted earlier minimums for dating. Read that thread. If you only meet the minimum, you will never stand out and dating will be a lot harder for you.
My point is, while there are a lot of women who are happy single but there are more who are out there looking. You don't need those who are happy on their own to give you a chance, there are plenty of others out there. And no, because some women aren't looking doesn't mean there is a shortage. There are men out there not looking for women too.
Don't sweat the numbers, work on yourself, and do something that increases you chances of finding someone.
What's largely a relationship myth (zero effort) is now bad for you. That and everything else in those few paragraphs tell me you probably should discuss things with a therapist.
I should see a therapist because I'm happy on my own and rarely attracted to anyone?
WHY? Because you don't like that I'm single and happy?
Sorry but you're a really rude person and impossible to talk to, and you clearly have no respect for anyone else's views. I'm out. Good luck with this one, everyone. lol
I should see a therapist because I'm happy on my own and rarely attracted to anyone?
WHY? Because you don't like that I'm single and happy?
Sorry but you're a really rude person and impossible to talk to, and you clearly have no respect for anyone else's views. I'm out. Good luck with this one, everyone. lol
Which is why I asked if he’s ever had a relationship. He’ll say women don’t like him when he disagrees or whatever, but I see no sense of him liking even the concept of women. So there’s a starting point anyway...find one you like and don’t tell her what she should do.
I beg to differ. Maybe it doesn't work that way for you (in your area), but I do find it easier to date when I have a satisfactory social circle. Not that women are dating me for my social circle.
I think we're getting a little warmer, though. Frequent events and advertising is not a bad thing there. We as humans are social creatures. I'm an introvert and I'm saying this.
Maybe there can be a wide variety of events for people with different interests.
Then it's split into too many small groups. While I think there should be more large, organized community de facto meet-and-greets, I don't think that would help much. There are too many differences among people. By the way, speed dating is notoriously ineffective; that must be a big reason why. Therefore, online dating it is (where people can search for needles in the haystack), and that's probably how most young people today do it after college and will when they're no longer young.
As such, women might have to be prodded to do more than maybe they've done historically (just go about their day and look nice), with maybe the sticking point wading through the muck more so than sheer work.
Last edited by goodheathen; 07-05-2019 at 05:22 PM..
I should see a therapist because I'm happy on my own and rarely attracted to anyone?
WHY? Because you don't like that I'm single and happy?
Sorry but you're a really rude person and impossible to talk to, and you clearly have no respect for anyone else's views. I'm out. Good luck with this one, everyone. lol
Sometimes being blunt is the only way to get through.
It's "rarely attracted to anyone," think relationships form without any real effort by the woman (by the way, predators like passive targets), and (not from actively digging into your posting history) had some terrible experiences that I believe you self-treated with a life-is-good philosophy. There's nothing wrong with admitting you're lonely sometimes and looking for love. It's totally normal. I'm not as much interested in your life as I am using you as an example of the type who gives up on dating instead of dealing with baggage. I wouldn't call that "normal," but it's common. I'm not saying this with any malice.
That got me thinking about an old pet peeve of mine: people extremely active on sites like this or social media. That in itself usually is fueled by loneliness and often interferes with real remedies for it. But website operators never want to restrict their own bread and butter.
Last edited by goodheathen; 07-05-2019 at 05:38 PM..
To add to what our ever-wise and insightful Sonic wrote:
As someone who was co-raised in a healthy, two-parent "nuclear" family *and* by the "village" within a small, multigenerational neighborhood, I can tell you that no matter how wonderful said parents are (and mine truly were), there are few good substitutes for raising a child within such a community. No government or civic organization could have produced the environment in which I was oh-so-fortunate to have been raised.
Sometimes I think that choosing to voluntarily live in age and income segregated communities where neighbors choose to be virtual strangers has done far more damage to kids than divorce, single parenthood, and moving away from extended family combined. Child-centered parenting, in many ways, does kids a disservice in a different way from benign neglect; being open to the thoughts and advice of others and being willing to accept parenting help from neighbors and friends really helps to ease the burden of child-rearing and gives kids an informal "safe space" in which to grow. It's important for kids to have other good examples of what adult life looks like outside that which they see within their own home.
Perhaps this is anecdotal, but I never felt more isolated and depressed than I did when living in an upscale exurb where pretty much everything social revolved around wine and competitive parenting, most everyone was within the same age and income brackets, and it was pretty rare to see anyone randomly socializing with one another. Even as someone who can be relatively introverted (but not shy), I need regular, spontaneous contact with other members of a community. There's no way that I would have raised children there as I felt it to be an unnatural environment for raising happy, well-adjusted future adults.
Things aren't exactly perfect where I now live, but that sense of isolation is gone. The neighbors are just on the right side of being friendly without being totally up in your business (nice mix of ages, incomes, and professions here, although no one's pulling serious bank), people stop to chat if I'm out-of-doors, and I know the neighborhood kids. Plenty of young married folks live here, too, as the houses are at a good price point and are a nice size for a couple or small family. People look in on each other and watch each other kids--even those of us who aren't parents ourselves or whose kids have flown the nest.
Getting back to the topic of this thread: being raised as I was gave me a realistic sense of what dating, marital and general day-to-day interactions between the genders have always been like--not random crap gleaned from television, film, and online surveys that often only have a tenuous basis in the reality of what most people have experienced.
My next door neighbor, "adopted grandmother," and later, one of my best friends, used to tell me stories about her dating days in the mid-nineteen twenties that would "curl your hair," as they used to say. Ditto for my maternal grandparents in the late nineteen thirties and my neighbors who married just after the second world war. Ain't nothing new under the sun except the men in the younger set seem less willing to get out there,socialize in person, and take their time getting to know a woman.
You are being obnoxious and wasting bandwidth. I don't think you have been to college recently. I attended college. I know many students there weren't dating. (It wasn't a party school. Some colleges have more dating and sex.) I also know data. I think a few years prior to the revelations about young people, I saw some statistics on a sizable percentage of college students not having sex. Also, while "wasteland" might be my word, Google "dating apocalypse." Part of that, as I've been saying, is some growing, not-small percentage of women probably incorrectly thinking it's not worth trying to find love and marriage.
Also, I don't know why you dug up an old post of mine that was, while weird, not about women at all, and I won't tolerate what I perceive as deliberate harassment.
I've attended college; my nephew recently completed his freshman year of university. Here's the common thread between the mid-nineteen nineties and today: Just as when I was in college myself, the kids who are dating (and/or getting laid the most) are those who are in the collegiate bands--especially marching band. (Band nerds unite!)
Holing up in a dorm room or an apartment and leaving only to attend classes isn't going to get most folks an S.O. or even sex, but engaging in a mutually fun, regular activity really helps to jump start not only romantic relationships, but interpersonal relationships in general.
Then it's split into too many small groups. While I think there should be more large, organized community de facto meet-and-greets, I don't think that would help much. There are too many differences among people. By the way, speed dating is notoriously ineffective; that must be a big reason why. Therefore, online dating it is (where people can search for needles in the haystack), and that's probably how most young people today do it after college and will when they're no longer young.
As such, women might have to be prodded to do more than maybe they've done historically (just go about their day and look nice), with maybe the sticking point wading through the muck more so than sheer work.
If by prodded, you mean encouraged, then ok.
As far as differences among people, there could be more meet and greets geared to different types. For instance, artistic people can have meet and great events, gamers, tech-lovers, etc. And of course we can have the general meetups.
Women are doing more than just go about their day and look nice on a smaller scale. I think women doing more than just that was discouraged by society in various ways, and that's a factor in why it is not as common for women to put more effort into dating. According to society, men are supposed to do the approaching/pursuing/initiating. Women have to sit back and just 'let it happen'.
As far as the size of groups, it depends on your region/city. It would take knowledge of the make up of the community (what they like, value, beliefs, etc.)
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and wanders off. lol 
) are those who are in the collegiate bands--especially marching band. (Band nerds unite!)