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We have our bachelorette parties with male strippers, but it's probably not much of a concern for our boyfriends and husbands because they know most of us are not stupid or desperate enough to get with a stripper or prostitute at a party. If they are concerned, they are probably thinking how they would be and projecting it on us~!
What keeps bugging me about all of this is that the original question was, "How would you FEEL about it?" and I see what, to me, is a problem chain of false logic going on, where it is always "Do you think he would cheat" and "Do you trust him?"
I trust my partner.
I don't think he'd cheat.
I am not sure it would be a deal breaker even if he DID, but the likelihood of him doing so with a stripper...it's just not even a thing. That isn't the point. That has nothing to do with how I FEEL about him going to a strip club or interacting with a stripper. That isn't relevant. I feel uncomfortable, sure. My feelings are valid whether or not I prop them up with a flimsy scaffolding of "why" or that I "think" this or that might happen. In my case it's based more on insecurity having to do with self-comparison to women who are very much younger and work a lot harder to be beautiful (since it's how they make money.) It isn't about my partner or what he might DO, it's about how I feel about me, and how I perceive his possible view of me versus his view of the stripper. I'm the old comfortable, taken for granted woman, she is shiny and exciting. That bums me out and it hurts! It also makes me wonder why bother being with any man, if he'll inevitably view his long term partner as a boring, nagging, taken for granted, not exciting person out of familiarity, and forever be looking around at hot young chicks like a kid in a candy store, with all the excitement his wife will never see in his eyes again after the infatuation wears off. How do people continue, or why, when they feel "meh" about someone? I don't feel "meh" about him. I fear him feeling like that about me. I want him to be happy to be with me, or to just let me go.
I can acknowledge feeling a feel, without making it about trust or cheating or whatever. I can also acknowledge that it's not really his problem. All of that, it's in MY head and it is MY issue. It doesn't justify me being controlling or demanding that he not go to some party. The only right I think I have, is to ask for a little validation from him, if I feel that way, a little reassurance that he actually does want me and want to be with me.
It's ok to be uncomfortable. A little emotional discomfort isn't really the end of the world.
Would most men have the energy for 2 hours if they weren't cheating yet alone if they were? Ha. I don't want to be cliche, but most men (and some women) cheat because the physical relationship is lacking at home. If the physical relationship is lacking, there is a good chance the emotional aspect is lacking too for men or women.
It's a symptom of a broken relationship, and it's not anything to do with bachelor or bachelorette parties.
Some men just cheat out of greed, I have noticed. Sure it can be due to being disatisfied with the current gf but often its just for extra variety, and often just becausq he can. The opportunity presents and if he is immoral he will probably take it. This doesnt apply to men with morals of course.
I think there can be many different motives for cheating.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rya96797
Also consider this, if a guy doesn't normally go to strip clubs or want to, the bachelor party and strippers are more of a chore than a privilege for him. If he was into throwing dollar bills at a dirty tatted stripper, he'd be doing it already and not waiting for an excuse like a bachelor party. There's a small subset of guys that are into it, and the vast majority of guys that prefers not to waste their time and money.
Ita....it's a small subset of men that just like hanging out at strip clubs....men who are lonely or maybe kinda insecure to date or meet anyone....or married & really unhappy with their life at home. I wouldn't like my Bf hanging out at a strip club...it seems more depressing & sad than it does about cheating tho.....BUT...I'd never have that type of guy as a Bf in the 1st place.......
That's totally different than a bachelor party for a man's best friend........that only happens once......
We have our bachelorette parties with male strippers, but it's probably not much of a concern for our boyfriends and husbands because they know most of us are not stupid or desperate enough to get with a stripper or prostitute at a party. If they are concerned, they are probably thinking how they would be and projecting it on us~!
And this is a generalization, but I don't think many women are actually sexually aroused by male strippers at a bachelorette party. Women may hoot and hollar and blush or admire the guy's muscles, but most aren't turned on by some greased up dude in a banana hammock flapping his junk in our personal space, to the point where they'd risk their relationship for it.
What keeps bugging me about all of this is that the original question was, "How would you FEEL about it?" and I see what, to me, is a problem chain of false logic going on, where it is always "Do you think he would cheat" and "Do you trust him?"
I trust my partner.
I don't think he'd cheat.
I am not sure it would be a deal breaker even if he DID, but the likelihood of him doing so with a stripper...it's just not even a thing. That isn't the point. That has nothing to do with how I FEEL about him going to a strip club or interacting with a stripper. That isn't relevant. I feel uncomfortable, sure. My feelings are valid whether or not I prop them up with a flimsy scaffolding of "why" or that I "think" this or that might happen. In my case it's based more on insecurity having to do with self-comparison to women who are very much younger and work a lot harder to be beautiful (since it's how they make money.) It isn't about my partner or what he might DO, it's about how I feel about me, and how I perceive his possible view of me versus his view of the stripper. I'm the old comfortable, taken for granted woman, she is shiny and exciting. That bums me out and it hurts! It also makes me wonder why bother being with any man, if he'll inevitably view his long term partner as a boring, nagging, taken for granted, not exciting person out of familiarity, and forever be looking around at hot young chicks like a kid in a candy store, with all the excitement his wife will never see in his eyes again after the infatuation wears off. How do people continue, or why, when they feel "meh" about someone? I don't feel "meh" about him. I fear him feeling like that about me. I want him to be happy to be with me, or to just let me go.
I can acknowledge feeling a feel, without making it about trust or cheating or whatever. I can also acknowledge that it's not really his problem. All of that, it's in MY head and it is MY issue. It doesn't justify me being controlling or demanding that he not go to some party. The only right I think I have, is to ask for a little validation from him, if I feel that way, a little reassurance that he actually does want me and want to be with me.
It's ok to be uncomfortable. A little emotional discomfort isn't really the end of the world.
I agree with this. As a man I'm also uncomfortable with naked or nearly naked men waving things at my partner. Not gonna apologize for or justify my discomfort. Like you, I think the discomfort is mine to deal with. While there's an element of insecurity in my unease, for me there's an element of feeling disrespected, too, and I think that feeling is primary.
What keeps bugging me about all of this is that the original question was, "How would you FEEL about it?" and I see what, to me, is a problem chain of false logic going on, where it is always "Do you think he would cheat" and "Do you trust him?"
I trust my partner.
I don't think he'd cheat.
I am not sure it would be a deal breaker even if he DID, but the likelihood of him doing so with a stripper...it's just not even a thing. That isn't the point. That has nothing to do with how I FEEL about him going to a strip club or interacting with a stripper. That isn't relevant. I feel uncomfortable, sure. My feelings are valid whether or not I prop them up with a flimsy scaffolding of "why" or that I "think" this or that might happen. In my case it's based more on insecurity having to do with self-comparison to women who are very much younger and work a lot harder to be beautiful (since it's how they make money.) It isn't about my partner or what he might DO, it's about how I feel about me, and how I perceive his possible view of me versus his view of the stripper. I'm the old comfortable, taken for granted woman, she is shiny and exciting. That bums me out and it hurts! It also makes me wonder why bother being with any man, if he'll inevitably view his long term partner as a boring, nagging, taken for granted, not exciting person out of familiarity, and forever be looking around at hot young chicks like a kid in a candy store, with all the excitement his wife will never see in his eyes again after the infatuation wears off. How do people continue, or why, when they feel "meh" about someone? I don't feel "meh" about him. I fear him feeling like that about me. I want him to be happy to be with me, or to just let me go.
I can acknowledge feeling a feel, without making it about trust or cheating or whatever. I can also acknowledge that it's not really his problem. All of that, it's in MY head and it is MY issue. It doesn't justify me being controlling or demanding that he not go to some party. The only right I think I have, is to ask for a little validation from him, if I feel that way, a little reassurance that he actually does want me and want to be with me.
It's ok to be uncomfortable. A little emotional discomfort isn't really the end of the world.
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
I agree with this. As a man I'm also uncomfortable with naked or nearly naked men waving things at my partner. Not gonna apologize for or justify my discomfort. Like you, I think the discomfort is mine to deal with. While there's an element of insecurity in my unease, for me there's an element of feeling disrespected, too, and I think that feeling is primary.
I was going to post this so many times, that that's why I always think it's funny that so many women say that they trust their mate not to "do anything." I'm kind of amazed that looking at other naked, or half-naked, women isn't even an issue. It doesn't even come up (ha). And I'm not even saying it should. It might be a whole different story if it were some random woman they knew, or a neighbor, a coworker, or etc... but go to a building designed specifically to have naked women dance for you (or, rather, your money) for your pleasure, and it's completely acceptable.
I'm sure there will be comments about it being more likely that "something will happen" in those instances, and it probably is, but I'm always surprised by it.
Again, I'm not even saying I like it or don't like it; I'm just always surprised by the division of circumstances. I would think it would be more like all or nothing. Not, Okay, you can see naked women, and they can dance for you, and maybe a "lap dance" (ahem), but THAT'S ALL! No more for you! lol
And this is a generalization, but I don't think many women are actually sexually aroused by male strippers at a bachelorette party. Women may hoot and hollar and blush or admire the guy's muscles, but most aren't turned on by some greased up dude in a banana hammock flapping his junk in our personal space, to the point where they'd risk their relationship for it.
And this is a generalization, but I don't think many women are actually sexually aroused by male strippers at a bachelorette party. Women may hoot and hollar and blush or admire the guy's muscles, but most aren't turned on by some greased up dude in a banana hammock flapping his junk in our personal space, to the point where they'd risk their relationship for it.
Right? And there was even a time I was invited and said to myself: "Oh hell no, I really don't need that right now." If I want to see a naked dancing man I can have a private party anyway.
2 hours is nothing. I expect about 3 days. No breaks except for showering, eating and naps.
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