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agree, its dumb and about as silly as women saying "serious relationship only". Both statements are an indicator of people being tired of other daters being less than an ideal LTR potential partner, but in the end wont mean that you will be meeting only "quality" people.
I've always looked at drama to be "end of world" type reactions to very petty things. I've dated women that lived for the drama, and every week was a different battle with someone. Relatives getting into altercations, not having money for bills, car broke down on side of road at 3AM and need ride home from club, one girl was suing her brother over her dead mom's assets. Can't go two days without being mad at someone, worried other people talk crap, get mad at me for leaving a dirty sock on the floor, get mad at me for wanting to go play basketball with my friends. Basically mountain out of a molehill type reactions...
My wife is drama-free and it makes our relationship so easy.
And see, I see the "dirty sock on the floor" thing as a kind of test. When I see that, I have two choices as far as I can see...
1. Accept that we will live in filth because the man wants to be a slob.
2. Keep quiet and become his Mommy-Maid and pick up after him like he's a child.
He clearly wants one or the other. He doesn't want to be expected to act like an adult and pick up after himself. We are not talking about an "accidental" one time or even occasional thing. I mean even I might leave my dirty socks on the floor for like...a few hours or a day...but they won't live there until laundry day, and I damn sure do not expect anyone else to ever pick up after me.
But yanno, guys gonna complain about this stuff and then wonder why women might say "I am happier living alone." Because living alone, we don't have to worry about whether we are supposed to find a way to be happy living in a filthy pigsty or else become someone's maid (with no thanks ever and being taken advantage of always--no reciprocation, feeling used.) That stress just isn't there when you live alone. You clean up after yourself and the messes you have to deal with are only the ones you've made. How nice!
I mean, do you guys think that magical gnomes pick up after you? Or that women find it FUN to deal with your urine all over the bathroom, stinky socks and poo-stained underwear on the floor? Women who yell at men over these things, it's not just some tiny isolated thing that isn't worth being mad about. It's a guy who comes into a freshly cleaned home and proceeds to dirty it up in a trail from the front door on. Like a child.
But hey...that's the kind of drama I don't want. Thankfully I don't have to deal with that, since there are men in the world who don't act that way.
Just like there are women in the world who are not tyrants.
But if you really believe that's all you can get, then do as MillennialUrbanist has, and just don't get into a relationship. Enjoy living your own way on your own. People who have universally low opinions of the opposite sex should not impose themselves on an innocent other person with that attitude anyways. You're doing everyone a favor.
But I think that the fundamental problem with announcing, "No drama!" on your dating profile, is that nobody will admit that they are the source of drama, no matter how much or in what ways they really are...it feels like a baseless attack and assumption, like the person has (as described ^ here) a generally low opinion of others. That's not appealing. Anyone is far better off just getting to know someone and getting a feel for whether they feature the sort of "drama" one wishes to avoid, before becoming invested in them. Let's face it. You can usually tell. Red flags exist for reasons.
And see, I see the "dirty sock on the floor" thing as a kind of test. When I see that, I have two choices as far as I can see...
1. Accept that we will live in filth because the man wants to be a slob.
2. Keep quiet and become his Mommy-Maid and pick up after him like he's a child.
He clearly wants one or the other. He doesn't want to be expected to act like an adult and pick up after himself. We are not talking about an "accidental" one time or even occasional thing. I mean even I might leave my dirty socks on the floor for like...a few hours or a day...but they won't live there until laundry day, and I damn sure do not expect anyone else to ever pick up after me.
But yanno, guys gonna complain about this stuff and then wonder why women might say "I am happier living alone." Because living alone, we don't have to worry about whether we are supposed to find a way to be happy living in a filthy pigsty or else become someone's maid (with no thanks ever and being taken advantage of always--no reciprocation, feeling used.) That stress just isn't there when you live alone. You clean up after yourself and the messes you have to deal with are only the ones you've made. How nice!
I mean, do you guys think that magical gnomes pick up after you? Or that women find it FUN to deal with your urine all over the bathroom, stinky socks and poo-stained underwear on the floor? Women who yell at men over these things, it's not just some tiny isolated thing that isn't worth being mad about. It's a guy who comes into a freshly cleaned home and proceeds to dirty it up in a trail from the front door on. Like a child.
But hey...that's the kind of drama I don't want. Thankfully I don't have to deal with that, since there are men in the world who don't act that way.
Just like there are women in the world who are not tyrants.
But if you really believe that's all you can get, then do as MillennialUrbanist has, and just don't get into a relationship. Enjoy living your own way on your own. People who have universally low opinions of the opposite sex should not impose themselves on an innocent other person with that attitude anyways. You're doing everyone a favor.
But I think that the fundamental problem with announcing, "No drama!" on your dating profile, is that nobody will admit that they are the source of drama, no matter how much or in what ways they really are...it feels like a baseless attack and assumption, like the person has (as described ^ here) a generally low opinion of others. That's not appealing. Anyone is far better off just getting to know someone and getting a feel for whether they feature the sort of "drama" one wishes to avoid, before becoming invested in them. Let's face it. You can usually tell. Red flags exist for reasons.
You know what? Sometimes my husband leaves the seat up. Sometimes, shoes get left in the living room, and dishes don't get put in the sink, etc. It's not that big a deal to me. I can lower the seat, I can put the dishes in the sink, I can pick up his tissues, etc. Now, his uncanny ability to decide to make a sandwich just as soon as I finish mopping the kitchen floor? It's aggravating....and weird. It happens every time.
I'm not his mama, but I AM his helpmate, and he gives as much as he gets. He is pretty tolerant of my foibles and faults, and I find it easy enough to repay the favor.
To get anyone up to speed and save him the trouble, since I've only been arguing (but...politely arguing, I think, usually?) with MillennialUrbanist for what, years now?... He has issues stemming from his parents' relationship, what he has been told about his friends' relationships and why these men no longer come out to hang out with him, and sitcoms, seasoned with a heavy dose of red pill-ish men's movement websites, that all have informed him that women are tyrannical shrieking shrews who ruin the lives of men. Married men never do anything but mow the grass and go to church lest they risk the couch or the "doghouse." That is his belief. So be it, he isn't trying to be in a relationship anyways. (He is here to warn others.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
You know what? Sometimes my husband leaves the seat up. Sometimes, shoes get left in the living room, and dishes don't get put in the sink, etc. It's not that big a deal to me. I can lower the seat, I can put the dishes in the sink, I can pick up his tissues, etc. Now, his uncanny ability to decide to make a sandwich just as soon as I finish mopping the kitchen floor? It's aggravating....and weird. It happens every time.
I'm not his mama, but I AM his helpmate, and he gives as much as he gets. He is pretty tolerant of my foibles and faults, and I find it easy enough to repay the favor.
Right! Which means that, as it happens in your generally healthy and happy cohabiting relationship, you have at least vaguely similar preferences for housekeeping standards, and...
a.) He does not behave in ways that are irresponsible, childish, or inconsiderate.
b.) You do not behave in ways that are tyrannical, demanding, shrewish, or controlling.
In other words you guys are normal people who can enjoy being in a relationship together. Yay! My fiance and I are, too. I'm pretty sure that for every relationship that features this sort of "drama" there are several that do not. I don't think that it's rare.
Well, you could find a happy medium and don't live together. It's a new thing now called, "Living but living apart" or something. So that way, if he/she is a slob, it's not like you will be living among it all. lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
And see, I see the "dirty sock on the floor" thing as a kind of test. When I see that, I have two choices as far as I can see...
1. Accept that we will live in filth because the man wants to be a slob.
2. Keep quiet and become his Mommy-Maid and pick up after him like he's a child.
He clearly wants one or the other. He doesn't want to be expected to act like an adult and pick up after himself. We are not talking about an "accidental" one time or even occasional thing. I mean even I might leave my dirty socks on the floor for like...a few hours or a day...but they won't live there until laundry day, and I damn sure do not expect anyone else to ever pick up after me.
But yanno, guys gonna complain about this stuff and then wonder why women might say "I am happier living alone." Because living alone, we don't have to worry about whether we are supposed to find a way to be happy living in a filthy pigsty or else become someone's maid (with no thanks ever and being taken advantage of always--no reciprocation, feeling used.) That stress just isn't there when you live alone. You clean up after yourself and the messes you have to deal with are only the ones you've made. How nice!
I mean, do you guys think that magical gnomes pick up after you? Or that women find it FUN to deal with your urine all over the bathroom, stinky socks and poo-stained underwear on the floor? Women who yell at men over these things, it's not just some tiny isolated thing that isn't worth being mad about. It's a guy who comes into a freshly cleaned home and proceeds to dirty it up in a trail from the front door on. Like a child.
But hey...that's the kind of drama I don't want. Thankfully I don't have to deal with that, since there are men in the world who don't act that way.
Just like there are women in the world who are not tyrants.
But if you really believe that's all you can get, then do as MillennialUrbanist has, and just don't get into a relationship. Enjoy living your own way on your own. People who have universally low opinions of the opposite sex should not impose themselves on an innocent other person with that attitude anyways. You're doing everyone a favor.
But I think that the fundamental problem with announcing, "No drama!" on your dating profile, is that nobody will admit that they are the source of drama, no matter how much or in what ways they really are...it feels like a baseless attack and assumption, like the person has (as described ^ here) a generally low opinion of others. That's not appealing. Anyone is far better off just getting to know someone and getting a feel for whether they feature the sort of "drama" one wishes to avoid, before becoming invested in them. Let's face it. You can usually tell. Red flags exist for reasons.
Well, you could find a happy medium and don't live together. It's a new thing now called, "Living but living apart" or something. So that way, if he/she is a slob, it's not like you will be living among it all. lol
Right, and I have something nearly like that with my fiance. We live under the same roof, but he's got his own space in the basement, a large bedroom, storage areas, and full bathroom, behind doors that lock so my sons cannot potentially sneak into his room while he's at work. Not that they necessarily would, but it makes him feel better. I have my own bedroom, and my sons have theirs, on the second floor upstairs. The common areas on the first floor are shared, but boyfriend rarely spends time there.
But right now, my older son (20) has come home from some vocational training we sent him away for, and he hasn't gotten a job, though he has some college plans he's taking action on and he does intend to move out by the end of the year. But he is driving me CRAZY. Because I like my living room to be just so, with the pillows and throw blanket neat on the couch, the coffee table clean and clear of clutter, only remote controls (arranged neatly) and a couple of decorative candles on it, a place for everything and everything in its place. No dirty dishes piling up that take more than 10 minutes or so to wash! Before he came back, it was easy to keep my home the way I wanted it. Now, though? He hooked up his gaming computer to the big living room TV without so much as asking, and he practically lives on my couch, there are dirty socks in front of the couch on the floor, his jacket tossed over the arm of a nearby chair, trash everywhere, dirty dishes, snacks, open video game cases and disks, the throw pillows are on the floor, the couch cushions are halfway out, the blanket was tossed behind the couch. And the dishes...one cannot even keep up! And the boy is sitting there day and night, just streaming videos and playing games. Doing no housework, making no money.
When it's my young adult son, everyone would say, "Well, put on your parent pants and kick him the heck out! It's time for him to make his way in the world." True!
Now. Imagine it is my partner. And that in addition to doing all of the above...which my ex did...he is also constantly yelling at everyone. And not only does he expect to be able to sit around spending his days enjoying entertainment (naps, games, TV) but he also expects sex after I come home from work and try to put a dent in the house mess. I'm working every waking moment and he is mad that I won't give up sleep to take care of his needs? And then what if there are small children and the woman is providing all of their care, on top of that?
A healthy relationship shouldn't look that way, but I know enough women who have complained about that sort of thing. Thing is, I don't mind doing all of the housework (which I now do except for my fiance's area in the basement)...IF someone is not adding to it by being messy.
But as for just living apart, though, most couples don't want to, and in this economy, most people try to move in to reduce the burden of expenses on both by pooling resources. But I don't think that anyone appreciates an inconsiderate housemate.
Right, and I have something nearly like that with my fiance. We live under the same roof, but he's got his own space in the basement, a large bedroom, storage areas, and full bathroom, behind doors that lock so my sons cannot potentially sneak into his room while he's at work.
Can't rep this, but as an aside, I think living apart or having different wings of a house sounds great (I have weird sleep hours and am very nocturnal.)
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