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Myself, I like to stay away from people who make a huge flap over nothing or, worse, deliberately set themselves up in a situation where difficulties and tears are the predictable end result. I can understand avoiding those dramatic people.
But, if I saw on a dating site online, a man who says no drama, I would assume he is looking for a "relationship" where he gets sex with no fuss on his timeline and doesn't have to make any emotional or time investment, and he won't be expected to offer any emotional support or to stick around through some sort of rough patch.
My initial reaction would be "no thanks". I don't need the heartbreak and drama of trying to bond with a man who doesn't really care what happens to me.,
So, unless a man really is looking for a "relationship" with no emotional attachment, it is probably not a good thing to put into a profile.
it might help to ask him what he means by "no drama", giving an actual example. it it fits yr own definition/you don't mind, then no problem. you can only find out afterwards if it 'adds up' in real life.
it might help to ask him what he means by "no drama", giving an actual example. it it fits yr own definition/you don't mind, then no problem. you can only find out afterwards if it 'adds up' in real life.
Here's what we mean when we say "no drama"...
*We mean: Don't start your crap over pettiness.
*We mean: Don't put us in a position where we have to take a side for or against you with someone we know or have to see often.
*We mean: Don't include us in your friends and family quarrels. (We really don't care to hear about it anyway).
*We mean: If something is bothering you about the time we spend together speak up in a calm and respectful way. Don't b**ch, moan & whine about it. Don't give us the silent treatment while you expect us to read your mind about what is bothering you.
*We mean: If you just want a bf to have someone around to criticize about everything he does just go away.
I think it's been said, but someone who would put some request for no drama in a dating profile, or say it out loud, probably has a low tolerance for, well, life. **** happens in all our lives. Imagining a life where it doesn't seems unrealistic and somewhat uninteresting.
If you want "no drama", I take it to mean you don't want constant chaos and (self) destructive behavior. I don't think people who ask for "no drama" are people who are expecting perfection or a life where nothing happens. Everyone is going to have something happen to them. The "drama" comes in when you try to perpetuate the issue just for the sake of whining about it. Then attack anyone who might have a solution. This is an example among other examples. That's what I would mean if I were to say no drama. Not that I would.
And I wouldn't just say that they can't tolerate life or they don't care about what happens to you. A lot of people who request "no drama" have probably dealt with someone who was a lot of drama and it did not end well for them. They had to deal with the fallout from that relationship. And I don't blame them. If anything, it is the person who is creating all of the (unnecessary) drama that doesn't care because they are so focused on getting their fix (in my experience, I'm not saying all drama is like that so please don't get anything I say Twisted )
I'm saying, I understand people who don't want drama. They don't think it's cute. They don't think it is cool. To (some of) them, (excess) drama can be a sign of issues with self worth.
Again, drama is not an unforeseen circumstance that happens. Drama is not a sickness or death in the family or that kind of stuff. Clearly not what is meant here.
I'll say it this way. I do a lot better with people who "get drama", than those who "have drama" (meaning people who do everything they can to perpetuate or seek it out) that's really what I get from it
*We mean: Don't put us in a position where we have to take a side for or against you with someone we know or have to see often.
*We mean: Don't include us in your friends and family quarrels. (We really don't care to hear about it anyway).
*We mean: If something is bothering you about the time we spend together speak up in a calm and respectful way. Don't b**ch, moan & whine about it. Don't give us the silent treatment while you expect us to read your mind about what is bothering you.
*We mean: If you just want a bf to have someone around to criticize about everything he does just go away.
No drama means NO drama.
This is what I assume, also. I can't blame them. I've seen plenty of people, even random folks in public, start scenes based on this sort of thing.
Unfortunately, I've met lots of men who don't know what normal is. Or what social 'norms' are. So they engage me in dialogue that feels strangely scripted and I feel like I'm not saying my lines correctly. I find out later that I'm being put in a scenario that the guy has been in before, so he can see what my responses are and if his responses are accepted.
IMHO, that defines a guy scarred by drama. And since I don't buy into it, they have no idea what to do with me.
For example, once I went out with a guy who had these weird staged conversations with me a lot. I felt my ability to avoid and/or participate in drama was being tested. He was a nice guy so I hung in there.
he invited me away for the weekend. For our trip, He picked the location and the hotel. I was thrilled with the location but he chose the hotel which was much more expensive than I would ever had picked. I didn't realize this until we got there. We had a nice time but it clarified for me we were not going to make a good couple. On the way home he asked me for a check for 50% of the cost of the hotel. I thought about my response very carefully for a while. I thought it was a poor move on his part for many reasons...tacky to not ask about shared expenses before (I was making very little money at the time and he knew it), tacky not to tell me what the cost would be, etc. I held my tongue and wrote the check. He kept asking me if I was sure it was okay and I said "of course". He knew I wasn't thrilled, and once I realized he was testing me, I refused to say another word. About 2 weeks later we broke up officially and he emailed me to say he tore up the check.
I'm pretty sure this is the last guy I tolerated just to have someone to date.
I haven't read this whole thread. I wanted to comment before that when they feel a need to say that, they are the ones likely bringing the drama!
I have ironically just had an experience proving this.
I agree...I think people who engage in drama were raised in it and don't know how to solve their problems using compromise and nice words.
On the flip side, I don't want to date anyone so passive they agree with me about everything or don't speak up for themselves. Sometimes I worry that my easygoing nature turns guys off. They don't get to see how passionate I can be!
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