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Interesting. I never read anything into the "No drama" line, as it has been said it seems like one of those space-filler, throw-away lines.
I think differently than a lot of you here, I always thought "No drama" simply meant a woman wanted a man with no crazy ex-wives involved beyond what's necessary to co-parent, no crazy ex-girlfriends smashing up the truck with a bat (like the country song), no crazy daughters bringing their relationship issues over at bad times, and no exes calling in the middle of the night needing a ride home from some club where they were ditched (as a pattern of behavior).
I never read any more into it than that. And yah, a lot of women's profiles say it, as many as say "Friends first".
To be honest, I think "No Drama" as I think about it is probably unrealistic. I think it is okay to get drama every now and then. My issue is unnecessary drama or creating drama or just entertaining the drama.
From the article: "Vanessa Valenti, co-founder of the feminist website Feministing, had a different take. “I think it’s pretty sexist,” she told me. “You might as well say ‘no humans,’ you know? But sexist behavior exists offline, just like it does on dating apps. This is simply another medium.” She added, “I think there are unrealistic expectations put on women to be accommodating at all times in their relationships.”
Maybe it's my age, and maybe it's because I'm happily married, but what I bolded is what I think is going on.
What I'm hearing is "Put my needs first above everyone else's. When you're having a problem with an aging parent, leave me out of it. When your adult children ask you to babysit, don't bring the kids around me. If I say something degrading and ignorant to you, don't make a big deal about it. You're lucky to have me. Don't **** me off and make me leave you."
My husband and I used to ride with another couple, and the wife would always say to me "I like you and (my husband). You two don't make drama." She said that to me many times.
We weren't 'friends' per se. Her husband worked with my husband, and we rode together. It was interesting that she would say that to me so often. Because other people in her life seemed to create a lot of drama. Much of it involved alcohol and her husband.
One time, a bunch of us rented a party bus and went to a winery for her birthday. One of their friends got pretty inappropriate with her husband. At least, what I would call inappropriate. The wife tried to laugh it off, but it would've been painful to me, to see it happen. That same friend jumped out of a barn loft (at the winery.) She was falling down drunk. Luckily, a bruise to the face was the only injury.
Another time, a bunch of us were riding in a poker run, and stopped in a local bar n grill. Some of the guys had too much to drink, so we had to wait it out in the bar for them to sober up. The husband is flirting with one of the bar maids, and starts motorboating into her cleavage. The wife was there. She saw it. See...to ME, THAT'S creating drama.
It’s the nice way of putting “no crazy *******” on your profile.
“No drama” usually indicates no unnecessary behavior, not the passing of life and events in and of itself.
The rub in going out of your way to say this kind of thing is it doesn’t limit your chances of receiving contact from the people who you wish to avoid. People don’t see themselves the ways others do. They are just who they are, take it or leave it.
From the article: "Vanessa Valenti, co-founder of the feminist website Feministing, had a different take. “I think it’s pretty sexist,” she told me. “You might as well say ‘no humans,’ you know? But sexist behavior exists offline, just like it does on dating apps. This is simply another medium.” She added, “I think there are unrealistic expectations put on women to be accommodating at all times in their relationships.”
Maybe it's my age, and maybe it's because I'm happily married, but what I bolded is what I think is going on.
What I'm hearing is "Put my needs first above everyone else's. When you're having a problem with an aging parent, leave me out of it. When your adult children ask you to babysit, don't bring the kids around me. If I say something degrading and ignorant to you, don't make a big deal about it. You're lucky to have me. Don't **** me off and make me leave you."
That's how I've always interpreted it, too. I saw it on dating profiles as alerting me to someone who is 'high maintenance' themselves.
Interesting. I never read anything into the "No drama" line, as it has been said it seems like one of those space-filler, throw-away lines.
I think differently than a lot of you here, I always thought "No drama" simply meant a woman wanted a man with no crazy ex-wives involved beyond what's necessary to co-parent, no crazy ex-girlfriends smashing up the truck with a bat (like the country song), no crazy daughters bringing their relationship issues over at bad times, and no exes calling in the middle of the night needing a ride home from some club where they were ditched (as a pattern of behavior).
I never read any more into it than that. And yah, a lot of women's profiles say it, as many as say "Friends first".
From the perspective of a woman talking about men, it also means (to me):
- No drug/alcohol addiction.
- No temper tantrums.
- No getting freaked out because I socialize with lots of people, often, and that includes other men. (I don't deal with paranoia and suspicion, if you can't trust me, you're free to leave.)
- Stable employment, not losing your job every few weeks or months, with periods of no income in between.
- You can clean up after yourself without every little household task becoming a source of stress and fighting.
- You are not enabling the bad behaviors of any close friends (doing what I call "taking in strays"...letting problematic people couch surf and so on.)
In short, a responsible adult, and someone who trusts me to manage my boundaries and is able to manage their own. Someone I can trust to meet obligations. Someone who does not add stress to my life. Of course I don't want crazy people to come into my life because of association with my partner.
I mean, even dealing with an older man who is starting to have some health concerns, the net effect he has on my life is to REDUCE my stress and make me happier. Not the opposite. That's what I mean if I say "drama free."
But one thing I read into a request for no drama, on a dating profile, and this is 100% accurate as it applies to me... People often make those kinds of requests because they've experienced the thing and that's why they know they never want to, again. And it's possible that they might have baggage from the past in their lives or their minds, as a result. I'd be looking to see if they've managed to stow said baggage, or no, in getting to know them.
That's how I've always interpreted it, too. I saw it on dating profiles as alerting me to someone who is 'high maintenance' themselves.
Exactly. It's easy to tell who he means: The women who are always talking about their "haters," posting cryptic quotes about karma and "people who know who they are" on social media ... somebody who's always beefin' with someone or always assumes someone is beefing with them.
From the perspective of a woman talking about men, it also means (to me):
- No drug/alcohol addiction.
- No temper tantrums.
- No getting freaked out because I socialize with lots of people, often, and that includes other men. (I don't deal with paranoia and suspicion, if you can't trust me, you're free to leave.).
I tend to see a lot of men involved with women like this. I don't know why, but some men seem to enjoy this. Women who are drama-free are labeled as "boring" or "simple." I knew a lot of plain jane women who worked at the library or school, didn't drink, went to church every Sunday, enjoyed hobbies like reading and knitting; but guys didn't want them. The men wanted an exciting, flashy woman.
When i say no drama, i am thinking along the lines of, no adult children living at home in the basement still being fed three meals a day and being supported. Teenage or young adult children on drugs making life miserable and stealing everything that isn't bolted down. Alcohol problems, mental issues or acting crazy in general. And lets not forget crazy exes that won't go away.These are a couple of the main things I consider drama.
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