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I met this girl through our gym. One day we just casually started talking and we shared each other's social media after a week.
A few days later she sent me a message. We had a great conversation and I ended it as I didn't think much of it. A few days later she texted me again, we texted for a couple of hours and I ended it again. Another few days later she texts me again and we texted for a few hours and as usual I ended the conversation that day too. These conversations mostly revolved around gym related things, movies and music we enjoy and our ventures (we are small business owners).
After a while I started developing feelings towards this girl, so I sent her a message (on a conversation I ended about a week ago). That day she ends the conversation and takes days to respond to me. After this point it only started getting worse and she started taking longer and longer to respond to me. I was thinking maybe she was busy but I discovered that she texts another person in our gym more frequently so it's certainly out of lack of interest.
I thought that maybe ending conversations earlier in our communication was a mistake and that was probably why she was behaving like this and for the first time I initiated contact, with a question, she again took several days to respond.
I was totally heartbroken. To this day I have no idea if this girl was ever interested in me, and if she was why she suddenly changed. But I guess that doesn't matter.
My heart just flutters when I see and talk to this woman, and I thought that if I continued talking to her at the gym the way I used to, I would never be able to move on. I didn't want to ignore her completely because I didn't want to come off as hostile and make her uncomfortable and make the place feel unsafe for her, she doesn't deserve to feel that way just because she didn't return my feelings. So I decided to stop the small talk and just do my hi's and bye's. I feel like she too have realized that I'm not interested in chatting her up at the gym anymore and she too limits herself to hi's and bye's.
I just want to know if I'm taking the right approach, or if I'm being a jerk to this woman by limiting communication at the gym.
I think it's a good idea right now to limit everything to hi, bye, and social chit chat. If she really felt like you were stalking her she would have stopped going to this gym.
I myself can take days to respond to text messages so I wonder if she's just not really into texting. I don't like it as a form of communication, I prefer phone calls or emails.
Unless you actually asked her on a date, she may see no reason to respond back.
My experience has been that when two people like each other and have compatible communication styles and needs, there is no game-playing or anxiety about "initiating" and "ending" conversations. If she's into you, all the texting drama won't be an issue (within reasonable limits). And if she isn't into you, it's unlikely you could have changed that through your texting approach.
You aren't obligated to be anyone's gym buddy or pen pal. If you don't think you can have healthy boundaries with her, it's probably best to limit your conversations. Ideally, you'll get over this and be able to keep up a casual friendship, but it's hard to say from here.
Did you specifically make any kind of advance, like asking her to meet up outside of the gym?
I just want to know if I'm taking the right approach...
At this point I think keeping it to cordial hellos and goodbyes with her is probably for the best.
It does seem like she was interested in you at first, due to her several attempts to initiate a conversation with you, but since you continued to shut her down by "ending it", she took the hint and moved on. You should too.
Next time, don't send out mixed signals. Be clear about what you want. Because from what you've posted above, it's hard to tell if you suddenly "caught feelings for her" because she stopped giving you attention, or because you actually fell for her. She might have been thinking along those same lines and then decided it wasn't worth the effort to find out.
I met this girl through our gym. One day we just casually started talking and we shared each other's social media after a week.
A few days later she sent me a message. We had a great conversation and I ended it as I didn't think much of it. A few days later she texted me again, we texted for a couple of hours and I ended it again. Another few days later she texts me again and we texted for a few hours and as usual I ended the conversation that day too. These conversations mostly revolved around gym related things, movies and music we enjoy and our ventures (we are small business owners).
After a while I started developing feelings towards this girl, so I sent her a message (on a conversation I ended about a week ago). That day she ends the conversation and takes days to respond to me. After this point it only started getting worse and she started taking longer and longer to respond to me. I was thinking maybe she was busy but I discovered that she texts another person in our gym more frequently so it's certainly out of lack of interest.
I thought that maybe ending conversations earlier in our communication was a mistake and that was probably why she was behaving like this and for the first time I initiated contact, with a question, she again took several days to respond.
I was totally heartbroken. To this day I have no idea if this girl was ever interested in me, and if she was why she suddenly changed. But I guess that doesn't matter.
My heart just flutters when I see and talk to this woman, and I thought that if I continued talking to her at the gym the way I used to, I would never be able to move on. I didn't want to ignore her completely because I didn't want to come off as hostile and make her uncomfortable and make the place feel unsafe for her, she doesn't deserve to feel that way just because she didn't return my feelings. So I decided to stop the small talk and just do my hi's and bye's. I feel like she too have realized that I'm not interested in chatting her up at the gym anymore and she too limits herself to hi's and bye's.
I just want to know if I'm taking the right approach, or if I'm being a jerk to this woman by limiting communication at the gym.
I would really appreciate your advice.
When a woman texts you it means she has some interest in you. If you do not have interest in her, then it's ok to engage in friendly type text conversations. All that friendly text will make her see you as just a friend. IF that's what you then ok.
But when you started having feelings is when you should have asked her out and not send a message about a previous conversation. Sending convo messages = friend. Sending romantic invitations = possible romance.
"Did you like that concert?" <-- being a friend
"How about dinner tomorrow night?" <-- being more than a friend
I read that she initiated conversation and you responded and then ended it.
This happened over and over. Finally she stopped and you intiated conversation but she has since passed the point of a convo with you. Actually, she responded like you did and now you are wondering why the long wait times. That’s exactly what you did to her!
I read that she initiated conversation and you responded and then ended it.
This happened over and over. Finally she stopped and you intiated conversation but she has since passed the point of a convo with you. Actually, she responded like you did and now you are wondering why the long wait times. That’s exactly what you did to her!
Thanks. But hasn't the ship sailed already? I mean I've already started distancing myself from her and she has noticed it too. Wouldn't it be weird for me to pursue her again? She might think I'm borderline
I met this girl through our gym. One day we just casually started talking and we shared each other's social media after a week.
A few days later she sent me a message. We had a great conversation and I ended it as I didn't think much of it. A few days later she texted me again, we texted for a couple of hours and I ended it again. Another few days later she texts me again and we texted for a few hours and as usual I ended the conversation that day too. These conversations mostly revolved around gym related things, movies and music we enjoy and our ventures (we are small business owners).
After a while I started developing feelings towards this girl, so I sent her a message (on a conversation I ended about a week ago). That day she ends the conversation and takes days to respond to me. After this point it only started getting worse and she started taking longer and longer to respond to me. I was thinking maybe she was busy but I discovered that she texts another person in our gym more frequently so it's certainly out of lack of interest.
I thought that maybe ending conversations earlier in our communication was a mistake and that was probably why she was behaving like this and for the first time I initiated contact, with a question, she again took several days to respond.
I was totally heartbroken. To this day I have no idea if this girl was ever interested in me, and if she was why she suddenly changed. But I guess that doesn't matter.
My heart just flutters when I see and talk to this woman, and I thought that if I continued talking to her at the gym the way I used to, I would never be able to move on. I didn't want to ignore her completely because I didn't want to come off as hostile and make her uncomfortable and make the place feel unsafe for her, she doesn't deserve to feel that way just because she didn't return my feelings. So I decided to stop the small talk and just do my hi's and bye's. I feel like she too have realized that I'm not interested in chatting her up at the gym anymore and she too limits herself to hi's and bye's.
I just want to know if I'm taking the right approach, or if I'm being a jerk to this woman by limiting communication at the gym.
I would really appreciate your advice.
The first thing I would say is that it would be good for you to realize that your crush is exactly that. You don't know anything enough about this woman to imply that she will be a good match for you over any amount of time. So, 'losing' her and getting upset over it is pointless. Of course, you can tell yourself that, but it takes time for your heart to listen to what your mind says. I know that.
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