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cBach, my dad got involved, in his mid-50s, with a woman he knew back in high school. It was a result of a mid life crisis and extra-marital affair happened. It fizzled out pretty quickly. He said she wasn't the same as when he knew her back then.
Ooooh my college flame tried to rekindle with me and I would have loved it if he weren't ghastly unattractive now AND married.
Well she has everything all planned out on what will transpire between us and she's convinced it's fate that we end up together. She believes God is controlling this and thus everything will be okay if we follow her revelation (she's more religious than I am, we've discussed this but people believe what they believe). She's even said if we get together she will obey everything I tell her to do.
From a religious perspective: God doesn’t give you plans and instructions for your life through someone else. Prophets filled that sort of role and they’re long gone.
Yeah, and he seems to get bored when there isn't a lot of drama in his life.
This isn't true. I actually specifically seek out no drama. With my previous ex-gf, one of the reasons I really liked her was that she was always calm, actually she never raised her voice and nor did I. I hate dramatic fights and stuff. It ended up she had other issues but how could I tell at the beginning, a lot of those issues show up later.
One thing I have noticed is that women feel like they can confide their deepest secrets, fears, and desires. They get a trust level very quickly because I'm nonjudgmental. Also, I'm an engineer so I love to fix broken things. I'm very good with solutions.
But you can't say I seek this. My ideal woman would be very quiet, agreeable, flexible, intelligent, and happy in general. Some women are good at faking some of the characteristics to "get me" and then the truth comes out.
Situations with people who need rescue feel icky as hell to me from every angle. Like a recipe for an unhealthy or codependent relationship right from the beginning.
And in all honesty, I judge men who seek them, too, and I judge myself for the rare instances where I let myself get involved with a rescue case. There are people out there who think they have good intentions to "help" someone who needs it, but who are in fact broken and desperate and deep down believe that they're unlovable--they are not really capable of healthy connections. And they go after the vulnerable in a way that can be downright predatory.
(I hesitated to post this comment because, OP, that isn't necessarily what your situation looks like to be, for one thing your hesitance to pursue it indicates that you are not this guy. If you were, you wouldn't have even paused, you'd have jumped at it.)
Like every woman my ex has pursued since we broke up, has been a total train wreck. But then...he is, too. When we split, he had ownership of a nice house with a decent amount of equity (which I didn't even try to get him to "cash out"...I just let him have the whole deal) and he trashed the house and property, and then rented it to family friends who have way too many humans and animals crammed in there now...the way that place has been treated has de-valued it to the point where I don't even know if he could sell it for enough to cover what he owes, let alone take advantage of the good market. He had perfect credit when we split, too, and he's made a mess of that. He can't keep a job, and lives with an old Army drinking buddy. He's bitter and angry and hostile to women, despite the fact that the ruin of his life was based on his own choices...just the fact that it's wrecked, means that I wrecked it. OK so who is this man going after? The homeless drug addicted thief & prostitute that he offered to reform and house in exchange for sex, who actually has refused and rejected him. The self proclaimed "former hood rat turned redneck" from TN with her delinquent kids and zoo of un-fixed pets she brought and her trailer full of trash (she left him, because HE was "crazy.") The woman whose idea of an appropriate first date was a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese for one of her many kids. He took toys from one of our sons to give this kid a Birthday present. She then friend-zoned him and kept calling to ask him to pick up her kids from this and that and transport them around town. Now he's working on a single Mom with cancer and fibro who hasn't worked a real job in years, and whose last relationship was literally with a homeless guy. So....
It really says an awful lot about a dude who goes after hard luck cases. Like I can't imagine that he doesn't know deep down somewhere beyond his puppylike desire to "help" and "feel needed" that if it goes to plan, she can't easily leave because she is dependent on him. There is something really nasty in all of this.
And I have never in my life, even in terms of just "helping out a friend" rather than pursuing romance, seen it work out well for someone who takes in stray humans. Never. It's always drama and chaos and a mess.
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