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Have any females here ever dated or are currently dating a guy that they would consider "passive"?
What kind of things do they do/did they do that made you notice this or feel this about them? Was it all the time or just sometimes?
Once you noticed, how did it make you feel and if it bothered you, did you try to talk to them or hint at it or communicate it in anyway?
In my experience, a passive person loses him/herself, forgets who s/he is, because s/he either can't or won't step forward and offer opinions, make decisions, etc.
S/he's not an active part of a relationship. After a long time of this, s/he basically becomes a dependent.
I don't want to feel like a parent or boss in my relationship. I want to be part of a partnership with someone who likes who he is, isn't too anxious or insecure to say what he wants to do sometimes, and doesn't expect me to take the lead ALL the time, emotionally and realistically.
It's very tiring to feel like you're the one who has to constantly do all the planning and make all the decisions...and to maybe not even know if the other person likes or appreciates those things because of their passivity. So much of a relationship is around the planning and anticipation of activities, as well as the give and take to be sure you're both okay with things. It doesn't work long term if one person is passive, withholding, or whatever you want to call it.
So the first thing I would look at is how a person takes care of themselves. A passive person would show lack of planning, inability to anticipate their own wants and needs, inability to identify problems and come up with solutions. These are a start. Some evidence of this is a dirty house, unhealthy food, poor financial situation, or worrying about things that they have no control over.
If the person is taking care of themselves, then I would notice their interactions with others. Does he suggest plans? How does he respond to rejection? How does he reject others or does he ever reject others? Can he anticipate the needs and wants of others? Does he expect others to anticipate his needs? How does he handle conflict?
Something I specifically look for, even though I am not dating, is when something unexpected happens to the person and they react negatively to it. Was it something that they should have known already by going out and living life? Even though the passive person may be quiet in the beginning of dating, eventually they will start sharing their opinions. This is why sharing opinions is important in the beginning.
It's very tiring to feel like you're the one who has to constantly do all the planning and make all the decisions...and to maybe not even know if the other person likes or appreciates those things because of their passivity. So much of a relationship is around the planning and anticipation of activities, as well as the give and take to be sure you're both okay with things. It doesn't work long term if one person is passive, withholding, or whatever you want to call it.
This is troublesome to me too.
I’m very easy going and never have to go a certain way however as a guy I have learned you have to step up to the plate.
“I don’t care” is not an answer to everything especially when asked where do you want to go for dinner.
My husband used to wonder why "I don't care" would upset me when asked what to eat. He, too, thought it was pretty easy going. Finally, I was able to express my true feelings. Sometimes, I just want to eat dessert for dinner and so when I started serving dessert for dinner, he became more proactive.
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Yes, once, I dated a guy who was extremely passive which could also be seen as lazy. He was also more obsessed with helping others than focusing on himself and our relationship when I used to be with him. And when I tried to talk about it with him, he'd either put up a wall and avoid the conversation or get angry making excuses. He's probably one of the worst "people pleasers" I've ever seen. It was very annoying so I ended up breaking up with him.
What actual things have you experienced that made you feel your partner was passive? Did you say anything?
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
In my experience, a passive person loses him/herself, forgets who s/he is, because s/he either can't or won't step forward and offer opinions, make decisions, etc.
S/he's not an active part of a relationship. After a long time of this, s/he basically becomes a dependent.
I don't want to feel like a parent or boss in my relationship. I want to be part of a partnership with someone who likes who he is, isn't too anxious or insecure to say what he wants to do sometimes, and doesn't expect me to take the lead ALL the time, emotionally and realistically.
Do you have any examples of things the person you were seeing did that made you notice this?
Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina
Passive people drive me nuts. So, no, I wouldn't date anyone like that.
What type of passive things get under your skin?
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34
Yes, once, I dated a guy who was extremely passive which could also be seen as lazy. He was also more obsessed with helping others than focusing on himself and our relationship when I used to be with him. And when I tried to talk about it with him, he'd either put up a wall and avoid the conversation or get angry making excuses. He's probably one of the worst "people pleasers" I've ever seen. It was very annoying so I ended up breaking up with him.
What did you say to him when you tried to have a conversation about it?
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