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That's red pill bull****. You are playing games. That's not self respect. That's game. Adult people don't want a relationship with people who play games. When you play games, you either get played or you are basically a user.
Be that as it may, I would never go back to my Blue Pill personality (from before 2015) in a million years.
Besides, as Eurhythmics says, "Some of them want to use you. / Some of them want to be used by you."
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Originally Posted by somebodynew
i don't want you to believe anything. I don't care what you believe. Honestly, choosing to be insulted by that is pretty telling. About you. Not me. But if you want my thoughts i will share them with you.
You have some choice. And somethings you can't choose. You can choose to be you. You cannot choose to change what "women" are or what "society" is. If you are not happy with where you are, the only option you have is to change you. This can be scary feeling. Or it can be hella empowering. And you get to choose. Or really you have to choose, but if you know, you can choose well.
The fundamental thing that you can change is not to allow anyone else in the world to determine for you whether you are "good enough". That is what self esteem is. That is what confidence is. When you are good enough, you know you are good enough, two things will happen 1) you won't care if someone else does not agree 2) you will actually be more appealing to others. But the bottom line is that needing external validation is simply not attractive. Not sexy. And no healthy person is going to want to hang their love on that.
I don't know that it's a "choice" when you have a lot of negative programming over many years that needs to be reversed or changed. That's a long process for many. It doesn't happen overnight. I'd love to just wake up one morning and be "happy". It doesn't really work that way (other than when on vacation maybe, hence temporarily). Saying it's a choice is really minimizing it IMO. That said, I'm reading a lot of Buddhist philosophy, so maybe one day the suffering will end.
This is total bee ess platitude. Nobody chooses depression. That is not a choice. Please stop perpetuating that myth. It is usually an untreated chemical imbalance in the brain. Show some understanding and sympathy.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
I don't know that it's a "choice" when you have a lot of negative programming over many years that needs to be reversed or changed. That's a long process for many. It doesn't happen overnight. I'd love to just wake up one morning and be "happy". It doesn't really work that way (other than when on vacation maybe, hence temporarily). Saying it's a choice is really minimizing it IMO. That said, I'm reading a lot of Buddhist philosophy, so maybe one day the suffering will end.
No one said it is easy, no one said it happens overnight, but it is a choice. In part, it starts with embracing the serenity prayer type thinking, and choosing to be positive. Always taking the high road. Trying to do the next right thing. And yeah, for years and years its going to be frustrating and trying. It's still a challenge for me at times, of course it is. Life can be challenging.
But there is one thing I do know, negativity and seeing the world or people as an adversarial place never, ever made my life better or me happier for any period of time.
When I was in that negative place (which was my 20s and a chunk of my early 30s), I only really connected with other negative and/or broken people (finally, I met my people! we see the world how it really is!!). While there was some fun there, in reality it became a feedback loop that just fostered more negative thinking. It wasn't healthy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
This is total bee ess platitude. Nobody chooses depression. That is not a choice. Please stop perpetuating that myth. It is usually an untreated chemical imbalance in the brain. Show some understanding and sympathy.
I wasn't speaking to clinical depression specifically. Thank you. Choosing to be unhappy /= depression by default.
But even then, I had depression, and I chose to address it and get treatment for it. That was a choice. I chose to face it and get therapy and find ways to treat it, or I chose to believe it "was my reality" and "just the way I'm wired" and accept it. That absolutely was a choice. If I left it untreated, no one should have sympathy for me, that would have been my decision. A lot of tough love from friends pushed me to get help in my 20s, and I'm very thankful for it.
We, if we want to change, have to choose to change. If its depression it is hard even when we make that choice, and most people need help with therapy, some with meds. But it is a choice, and we're the only one that can make that choice.
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