Exhausting Dating Conversations: He comments, but no new elements to keep the convo diverse (man, advice)
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by El Chingaso
Are you a native English speaker, or is this somehow translated? It’s very strange speech and I can imagine being a bit confused if I was on the other side of this.
@El Chingaso: no, I'm European (Still, I can't rule out to date an American/Brit in a more distant future and he would exactly get this type of speech!)
Can you explain what exactly makes it very strange speech?
Other people who also expressed your view, are also invited to answer
What does it resemble?
Too perfect to be natural?
Too long-winded?
Travel docu language?
Too much info at the moment?
Teacher language?
Sentences too long?
I try to figure it out but you all make me so clueless
- In my city, a new coffee shop has opened. It was full of people! Did you know that I don't drink coffee? I dislike it! However, I know a lot of people who like it and because of that I went into it to see whether I could buy coffee presents since Christmas isn't far away. And indeed, one could buy coffee products.
- Wow! I feel surprised 'cause I don't drink coffee either. That's rare!
- One more thing we have in common. Don't you think it's a bit strange that I make presents, although I don't even know the taste of it? However, I know it's popular these coffee products, it's useful and it's not just standing in a corner collecting dust.
- Lots of things are a bit strange in this world which makes it somehow normal again.
- Is there anything else you don't like that others usually like? (did you pause and give him a chance to answer before going into this next sentence?) I do neither watch Hollywood action movies nor Hollywood love movies. I think they are vulgar and glorifying violence or all the same with a man hunting for the love of his life, which he can only get after mastering lots of challenges that all invole exploding cars. However, most other people I know, they are not averse to it.
- I do not have a TV anymore. Online, I don't watch movies. Much better this way.
- Yeah, though not everything on TV is bad in my opinion. I couldn't imagine living without my TV. Well, I can but I prefer not to. I just wish there would be more variety.
- It's always better to have a choice!
- Yeah definitely!
- Yes!
- This year during vacation I've been in Catalonia. There, I have seen lizards for the first time in my life outside of a zoo. I tried to catch one of them but they ran away. Could you catch one?
- I think I would, you need to approach it the right way!
- So not overhasty?
- Yes, with slow steps!
Me: thinking of what to say next
A lot of "I" and "me" in these "conversation starters." The best way to get someone to talk is to ask about themselves (starting off, not after launching into what YOU like or do.)
@El Chingaso: no, I'm European (Still, I can't rule out to date an American/Brit in a more distant future and he would exactly get this type of speech!)
Can you explain what exactly makes it very strange speech?
Other people who also expressed your view, are also invited to answer
What does it resemble?
Too perfect to be natural?
Too long-winded?
Travel docu language?
Too much info at the moment?
Teacher language?
Sentences too long?
I try to figure it out but you all make me so clueless
Do you speak like this in your life? How does that go with the people you talk to?
A lot of "I" and "me" in these "conversation starters." The best way to get someone to talk is to ask about themselves (starting off, not after launching into what YOU like or do.)
The thing is, if I wouldn't talk about me, he wouldn't ask me either. Or just how I feel. Additionally, I try to involve him by asking questions. Yes, he will have to memorize the question for some seconds as a few sentences will follow, I believe he can do it. I think, the man should also show a bit initiative and talk about himself. I hope he does not follow the "let the girl talk and listen to her..." advice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
Do you speak like this in your life? How does that go with the people you talk to?
yes, all the time It's hard to say, you know, in real life people only say what is socially fine to say. I was told multiple times you talk like a teacher.
It's not that you talk like a teacher, and it isn't "perfect," by any means. It's not the difficulty of your vocabulary. It's the way you put words together, your sentence construction, and your use of third person (which is different from passive voice).
If you spoke to him in your native language and translated the convo here, that may explain it.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,995,252 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by AvrilLavigne
The thing is, if I wouldn't talk about me, he wouldn't ask me either. Or just how I feel. Additionally, I try to involve him by asking questions. Yes, he will have to memorize the question for some seconds as a few sentences will follow, I believe he can do it. I think, the man should also show a bit initiative and talk about himself. I hope he does not follow the "let the girl talk and listen to her..." advice. !
Yeah, generally I don't find this works well. When I'm talking, I'm asking about her as I already know me and what I'm trying to learn about is her.
If this is indeed your pattern of speech, and not an artifact of translation, then yeah, it will turn a lot of people off. I seem to recall you posted you like men like Trump that are, by most standards, self important blowhards. If that's what you want in a guy, I suggest seeking narcissists. They'll talk about themselves nonstop.
OP speech pattern is normal European and sounds a bit strange to us common English folks. Perfectly ok for her. She did lead the talking but she had to because he doesn't know how to initiate and lead convo on a date. She did a good job bringing up dozens of topics he could have jumped on.
Convo is often awkward on first dates. It's not a red flag, it's a yellow flag. One good thing, he's not trying to impress her by bragging about his accomplishments. He can barely think of something to say.
They need to break into casual mode, just like OP is chatting with us on this thread. That's why I suggest doing something casual if there is a next meetup. See if he can become his normal self.
As a dating tip, the best approach for the man is to keep talk fun and lite and ask her the most questions and only talk about himself when she asks.
@El Chingaso: no, I'm European (Still, I can't rule out to date an American/Brit in a more distant future and he would exactly get this type of speech!)
Can you explain what exactly makes it very strange speech?
Other people who also expressed your view, are also invited to answer
What does it resemble?
Too perfect to be natural?
Too long-winded?
Travel docu language?
Too much info at the moment?
Teacher language?
Sentences too long?
I try to figure it out but you all make me so clueless
It is very unnatural. Too formal. You speak like you read from a novel or if you are trying to be sophisticated, but trying too hard. Overall, odd topics for someone who just met - lizard conversation, huh?
I am dating an attorney right now who spends half of his day in court rooms and even he speaks more down to earth outside work than you.
European, what country aka what language? If you would put this in your translator, it would mess up the grammar usually.
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(Still, I can't rule out to date an American/Brit in a more distant future and he would exactly get this type of speech!)
