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I'm having trouble going to meet up groups precisely because I don't know anyone. I have social anxiety
So do I. I went a week ago and nobody spoke to me for a half hour. Just as I was thinking about finishing my beer and leaving, people started talking to me. I was there 2 hours. My plan is always to force myself to stay an hour. If by that point I'm not in a convo, just leave. There's no other way to get over your anxiety except to get a friend to come with you. But then again, I was at the meetup because I have no real friends where I live. Catch 22.
I'm having trouble going to meet up groups precisely because I don't know anyone. I have social anxiety
Well, many counselors recommend Meetup for people with social anxiety. The problem is that it can be a Catch-22: your anxiety level has to be low enough to come to a Meetup event in the first place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
So do I. I went a week ago and nobody spoke to me for a half hour. Just as I was thinking about finishing my beer and leaving, people started talking to me. I was there 2 hours. My plan is always to force myself to stay an hour. If by that point I'm not in a convo, just leave. There's no other way to get over your anxiety except to get a friend to come with you. But then again, I was at the meetup because I have no real friends where I live. Catch 22.
I suppose I lucked out with my Meetup groups; I had many good experiences and only a handful of bad ones. What I'd recommend for you is attending events that require back-and-forth interaction by design. Namely, board games. When you play one, you have to interact, even if just terse phrases like "your turn". "Your turn" quickly evolves into "so what do you do?", and before you know it, you're having real conversations.
Festivals. And if you’re traveling, hotel and restaurant bars close to the festivals. Now if you’re traveling solo, do be careful in case you attract creeps who are aware you’re solo. I didn’t have any problems, though. The festival is something you’d have in common and is a major talking point.
I went to a food and wine festival last weekend and met 2 guys, separate situations. Both were around my age, maybe older. Met one at the festival, and the other at the hotel bar. Unfortunately, I didn’t walk away with any numbers, nor they with mine, but it was really good atmosphere and conversation all around.
I don't meet anyone, or at least not anyone genuine. So I don't have an answer. I deleted my apps. I'm going to volunteer, but who knows.
Volunteer with an animal shelter. You'll be the only man there!
I am finding that, to meet people (dating or otherwise) I have to get out of my comfort zone. I loathe online or blind dating, always have. I am fortunate to live somewhere where one can introduce self to strangers at art performances, etc. and it's not always weird. I never did that when I was younger because apparently I was too attractive to have anything but getting hit on. Now that I'm older and apparently invisible and fortunately in a very friendly/open small town, I am able to meet people and talk to them, etc. It usually involves spending some money- attending lectures at the local theater, buying a piece of art from someone local, etc.
I spent three days on Match and dodged out just as I think a guy was going to send me those, uh, pictures, you know? My fear in dating apps is being not interested, as that's how it was for years when I was out and about in the city. If I find someone who interests me, I go all out, usually too much. Then it's another ten years before I meet someone.
Since I remember Atlguy39 was hoping to meet someone for family building, it might not work to wait around to find someone, and if I remember, he lives in a very conservative area. Might have to see someone who already is a parent but that should be okay without any other huge issues.
A guy I know who lived here in CO in a very conservative town and thought he knew everybody said that everyone in town was either ugly or "had issues" (like meth in their pasts, abuse, etc.) He somehow was talking to the sister of a waitress in town, he vaguely knew her from years ago, they hit it off and are now married. Talk to people. You never know who they know.
I just bought an art piece from a woman who turned out to be a distant cousin of a man I have noticed. Don't talk for dating or about dating, but you never know who they know.
Never give up hope my friend. I sent you a DM. For others, I wasn't even looking to date when I met my current dating partner. I was also a bit aloof in the beginning, but she chased, I gave in, and now things are really looking up like this could be a long term relationship and beyond.
And people say, "somen don't chase"! They certainly do, if they find someone they think would be a good match. They don't let a rare opportunity like that slip through their fingers.
Volunteer with an animal shelter. You'll be the only man there!
I am finding that, to meet people (dating or otherwise) I have to get out of my comfort zone. I loathe online or blind dating, always have. I am fortunate to live somewhere where one can introduce self to strangers at art performances, etc. and it's not always weird. I never did that when I was younger because apparently I was too attractive to have anything but getting hit on. Now that I'm older and apparently invisible and fortunately in a very friendly/open small town, I am able to meet people and talk to them, etc. It usually involves spending some money- attending lectures at the local theater, buying a piece of art from someone local, etc.
I spent three days on Match and dodged out just as I think a guy was going to send me those, uh, pictures, you know? My fear in dating apps is being not interested, as that's how it was for years when I was out and about in the city. If I find someone who interests me, I go all out, usually too much. Then it's another ten years before I meet someone.
Since I remember Atlguy39 was hoping to meet someone for family building, it might not work to wait around to find someone, and if I remember, he lives in a very conservative area. Might have to see someone who already is a parent but that should be okay without any other huge issues.
A guy I know who lived here in CO in a very conservative town and thought he knew everybody said that everyone in town was either ugly or "had issues" (like meth in their pasts, abuse, etc.) He somehow was talking to the sister of a waitress in town, he vaguely knew her from years ago, they hit it off and are now married. Talk to people. You never know who they know.
I just bought an art piece from a woman who turned out to be a distant cousin of a man I have noticed. Don't talk for dating or about dating, but you never know who they know.
I've mentioned this in another thread, but I'm going overseas to find someone. That will happen early 2020, so I've completely stopped dating. Its such a relief to not endlessly pursue/give benefit of the doubt to flaky women anymore. The bold is what I've experienced where I live. Meth is huge here, as is drama between ex's, abuse, etc. Lots of people in the age range I want left right after college because it's boring here. The social scene has improved, but I can't imagine what it must have been like a decade ago.
Where overseas are you going, if I may ask?
I wish you the best and hope you find the situation you hope for.
Its funny, I'm not asking for anything over the top. I want someone who is serious about marriage and family, leads a healthy lifestyle, educated, and is honest. Obviously there needs to be attraction, but these things are the most important. I'm going to Ukraine, I think. I'm also well aware of the numerous scams over there, so I'm doing my homework. Generally speaking, it seems they are less hung up on the superficial things women here are, and also they still have a lot of respect for men there, unlike what I see happening in the U.S. But it could end up being a different country. I just know I have to stop looking in my state/city specifically, and women here (U.S. I mean) refuse to do long distance, even if its a fairly easy drive.
Its funny, I'm not asking for anything over the top. I want someone who is serious about marriage and family, leads a healthy lifestyle, educated, and is honest. Obviously there needs to be attraction, but these things are the most important. I'm going to Ukraine, I think. I'm also well aware of the numerous scams over there, so I'm doing my homework. Generally speaking, it seems they are less hung up on the superficial things women here are, and also they still have a lot of respect for men there, unlike what I see happening in the U.S. But it could end up being a different country. I just know I have to stop looking in my state/city specifically, and women here (U.S. I mean) refuse to do long distance, even if its a fairly easy drive.
From what I've read, Ukraine is one of the less likely places for a genuine wife/family person. I've read and heard much better about the Philippines, and I don't mean some Asian stereotype of a doormat wife, I just mean the qualities and circumstances you describe. Best wishes wherever you go.
From what I've read, Ukraine is one of the less likely places for a genuine wife/family person. I've read and heard much better about the Philippines, and I don't mean some Asian stereotype of a doormat wife, I just mean the qualities and circumstances you describe. Best wishes wherever you go.
Based on my research, it is a good place, BUT you really have to learn how to spot disingenuous women. I think they're not so hung up on looks, though Ukraine has very attractive women and also a shortage of men who treat them with respect or want marriage. This is why overweight guys go there, but I'm not one of them, so I could have an even better chance. I have all my hair and am in good shape. As for the Philippines, I've heard the same. I'm just not really attracted to Asian women. I have been on occasion, but generally am not. I wish I was because you are right.
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