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Hi there, i have a question about online dating and whether to know a person is interested in you. I’ve been talking to this guy now for 5 months and he lives across the country from me. We really want to meet each other and see each other. So he booked a ticket to come see me next week, he will be flying across the country to see me. Hesays he loves me he told me this after 2 weeks of talking, and wants to settle down with me. He bought me a Christmas present as well a pair of shoes mailed to my address. I guess i am a bit unsure if he actually loves me. He confessed to me that he was casually seeing another girl in his city but he wasnt interested in anything serious with her this lasted a month. Things ended with her a month ago (friends with benefits). He told me he wants to seriously build with me and to show me this he booked a plane ticket to come and see me and spend a few days in my city. Should i take him serious? He is 29 years old and I am 27. Also he told his two best friends about me. I spoke to both on the phone.
You ask, "Should i take him serious?" Nope. Here's why:
1) Re bolded above ^^^. "...been talking to this guy now for 5 months" and "he says he loves me...after 2 weeks of talking." Yeeeet, he was having sex with another woman for 3 1/2 months after he was professing his love for you. See the problem there? Does that sound or feel like "love" to you?
2) Re underlined above ^^^. Buying you a Christmas present and a pair of shoes does not a partner/lover make.
3) His flight across country may well be simply an expansive "booty call" for the dude.
"Love" is simply a passive word, that if spoken with true sincerity, is given definition and meaning by the actions and conduct of the person who uttered it. I don't think your suitor is evidencing the meaning of "love" that you have attached to the word "love."
You ask, "Should i take him serious?" Nope. Here's why:
1) Re bolded above ^^^. "...been talking to this guy now for 5 months" and "he says he loves me...after 2 weeks of talking." Yeeeet, he was having sex with another woman for 3 1/2 months after he was professing his love for you. See the problem there? Does that sound or feel like "love" to you?
2) Re underlined above ^^^. Buying you a Christmas present and a pair of shoes does not a partner/lover make.
3) His flight across country may well be simply an expansive "booty call" for the dude.
"Love" is simply a passive word, that if spoken with true sincerity, is given definition and meaning by the actions and conduct of the person who uttered it. I don't think your suitor is evidencing the meaning of "love" that you have attached to the word "love."
Be careful. Carry on.
Yeah, I thought the whole long distance online thing was something that happened more frequently in the 90s or early 2000s. But I'm pretty much mistaken.
One woman I went out with that I met at some Meetup events told me that her last relationship was with a guy that lived in Canada. She did fly to see him for a week, but they arose at a determination that he had some depression issues and such.
Me and her firmed up a a 2nd date, then she flakes day before she tells me that she is going to try to "give this guy in Canada another shot". To work through his issues.
I was like, "Um, he's an Canada...and, well...I'm local" She said that she wants a reason to travel or something to that affect. lol
I think she has commitment issues, because some people prefer long distance relationships so that way their guy/gal cannot just show up at their place willy-nilly if they live local.
If you really want to meet him, it's fine. Stick to a public place. Don't fly out for him specifically. If he's flying out for you, great. But if you have to really go out of your way to meet him, then it might not be worth it. Look at it more as something potentially platonic that could build into a hookup, fwb, or more. It is only your first in-person visit with him if it happens. But if it happens, then feel it out and take it from there, slowly.
The first mistake is letting him have your address (he sent the shoes). When my wife and I first met, we only lived 70 miles apart, but, instead of meeting at her house, she told me we'd meet at a restaurant in her small town. This was at noon on a Sunday, so the place was busy. This way people who knew her would be walking past us and could possibly describe me "if something happened". If you have a place to eat where you go frequently and they know you, meet him there first.
But I'd try to put off his trip as long as possible.
As a good general rule, unless you're looking for a hookup and don't care, don't offer your address until you've met a person in-person at least once and feel the person out.
If someone is sending you something, offer a work address (or if you have one, a PO Box address).
When you make people work a little bit (within reason), then it indicates you're at least considering to look for something serious potentially. If you aren't open with information and hold it back in, then it may show you want to go too slow or are playing the person as well- I don't think that will be an issue for you.
I think it's OK to meet him, but I'd definitely take some precautions.
First, he should stay at a hotel. Given his sketchy past behavior, I don't think I'd want him in my house...cause what if you can't get rid of him? Plus...if he is going to woo you effectively, he needs to "play by the rules" if you will. And if this is going to be a viable for real relationship, then you guys need to figure out a practical plan on how it's going to work.
If it were ME, I'd suggest he look for work where YOU are...and not the other way around. When he secures work, THEN discuss when and if you'll move in together. Although...I still think it's better that he get his own place and support himself first. I guess my main fear would be that I'd be stuck taking care of this guy, and that he's using me.
Yes, some people have to travel great distances for sex. Ask yourself why.
Asks self: "Why?"
I don't know. Maybe because $250 (round trip airline ticket) on a sure thing is more efficient than $125 for a dinner/wine/dessert date that isn't ?
But I don't know.
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