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I will say that you can experience chemistry via messaging and phone calls. I began messaging with my SO here, on CD, chatting about music and stuff, and we quickly felt chemistry through those messages. He was consistent and kind and funny and caring, and it brought out the same in me, and it just got better the more we communicated.
By the time I met him in person, I was already in love.
I think that this can happen, but I also think that I've had interactions with people online where I had this mental concept of them...and then I met in person, and either my concept was happily affirmed or it was jarred by something unexpected and possibly unpleasant. There was one guy I talked to online for a while when I was dating, and I really thought that I was surely going to hook up with him because we seemed to be hitting it off so well. And then we met face to face and it was horrible and awkward and the energy was just the worst. And he got one of those "I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling it...best of luck to you" messages after that first date.
I think that this can happen, but I also think that I've had interactions with people online where I had this mental concept of them...and then I met in person, and either my concept was happily affirmed or it was jarred by something unexpected and possibly unpleasant. There was one guy I talked to online for a while when I was dating, and I really thought that I was surely going to hook up with him because we seemed to be hitting it off so well. And then we met face to face and it was horrible and awkward and the energy was just the worst. And he got one of those "I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling it...best of luck to you" messages after that first date.
I think it can go either way...
This has happened to me as well. Like, OMG I cannot get this person out of my house fast enough. Turns out I had met him before at an event. And thought he had a creepy factor then. I had forgotten.
It's interesting that you're thinking in terms of a magic moment, OP. As often as not, the attraction builds as you get to know someone: their interests, their personality, their character. None of that can be captured in a fleeting moment.
If you think it can, and put too much weight on some moment that seems special to you, you're likely to be disappointed as the process of getting to know the person continues to unfold, and at some point you find you're not a good match, or there's something about them that turns you off, whatever. Or there may be people you think you click with, so you want to see them more often, but you later find out their lives are a mess, or there's some other factor that's incompatible with who you are.
It's a process. Appreciate it for what it is. Where do people get these ideas, anyway?
Sparks and connections are not created. They happen. Or they don't. Trying to force it is just painful.
This is the correct answer. I was lucky enough to find a connection through a group event. We both felt it right away. After about 3 months, it's still going strong and things keep getting better and better. Let it happen organically and the results can be really good.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Where do people get these ideas, anyway?
Decades of experience. While attraction grows and becomes deeper (hopefully, it can go the other way too). That spark and chemistry are there from either the beginning or near beginning, or it never occurs, IME. Most everyone I know well agrees on this premise. Not a single of my long term relationship or married couple friends had this fantasy... "we were both volunteering at this shelter" or "we were in the same social group for years" or "I didn't really think much about him" or "we were just good friends" and "he grew on me and I fell madly in love" thing happen.
Yeah yeah, I'm sure it happens somewhere. Everything does with hundreds of millions of people.
I will say that you can experience chemistry via messaging and phone calls. I began messaging with my SO here, on CD, chatting about music and stuff, and we quickly felt chemistry through those messages. He was consistent and kind and funny and caring, and it brought out the same in me, and it just got better the more we communicated.
By the time I met him in person, I was already in love.
I will say that you can experience chemistry via messaging and phone calls. I began messaging with my SO here, on CD, chatting about music and stuff, and we quickly felt chemistry through those messages. He was consistent and kind and funny and caring, and it brought out the same in me, and it just got better the more we communicated.
By the time I met him in person, I was already in love.
I can see how that would happen! And congratulations
There’s one guy I know, the attraction wasn’t that great at first, more like a friendship, then I heard his voice. Crazy! Not like stereotypical deep voiceover type, it’s hard to explain, so damn sexy and manly. When we met I know I had a dumb smile on my face when he explained something, I wasn’t listening to the words really, just that hypnotizing voice.
I could totally picture being in a relationship and telling him: “Don’t talk to any ladies while you’re out. Not a word!” Everytime I talk to him, even if a year goes by, it’s that same effect. Sigh...
For me, I could never get how this connection/spark works. Even now when I have a decent amount of dating experience.
I always just go by the fact that if we had a first date, do I want a 2nd? If a 2nd date happens, do I want a 3rd? So on and so forth.
Granted, I will say that some first dates are such duds that you pretty much know right away there won't be a second one. I think it's easier to know when you aren't feeling that spark/connection as compared to the opposite.
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Crazy! Not like stereotypical deep voiceover type, it’s hard to explain, so damn sexy and manly. When we met I know I had a dumb smile on my face when he explained something, I wasn’t listening to the words really, just that hypnotizing voice. 
Everytime I talk to him, even if a year goes by, it’s that same effect. Sigh...
