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I'll preface this by saying this isn't my story. I was told this last night by a friend over a few beers.
Long story short: buddy of mine has been dating a girl for almost two years who currently lives with him. I guess they intend on getting married at some point.
He said he works with a girl who he is kinda becoming more attracted to. He said she's just really cool. Smart, funny, they have a lot in common. He has a beard and even though his girlfriend told him he's gonna have to shave it at some point, this girl said she likes it. He said she covered for him once when he was running late. They have stopped and gotten each other breakfast (they paid each other back, but still, the gesture...). Oh and she's pretty attractive too. I know her.
He said he figured his attraction for her was only one sided until their office did a Dirty Santa/White Elephant Party or whatever it's called. He said they all brought in their gifts (under $20) and put them on a table. He saw someone had brought in a brand-new brown leather newsboy cap and he knew that's the gift he wanted (he was wearing it while telling me this story btw). He wound up getting the cap and then a few days later when he showed up to work wearing it she told him she bought it expecting him to choose it. He had no idea she was the one who bought it.
He said he realized he has feelings for her when he saw one of his co-workers talking to her. He got a little jealous seeing her laughing with another guy. I was like, oh boy.
I told him to just keep it in check. I don't believe men and women can't be friends without someone developing feelings, and I don't think you have keep everybody you work with at arm's length just to be professional. But I told him to keep casual yet professional. Don't start seriously flirting with her and do NOT start telling her stuff about his girlfriend.
I also told him he shouldn't tell his girlfriend anything about this woman.
What do you guys think? Personally, I kinda think the girl likes him and she's kinda playing the game right. Not gonna lie, the hat move would've done it for me, but I'm easy.
He shouldn't act on it if he wants to keep his job.
What age range is he, 20s, 30s, 40s? And the work girl?
She sounds like just a flirty girl, who is just playing around with the guys at work, for attention.
Bigger question is, how does he feel about his live-in girlfriend?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC
Since you said, "long story short", what details did you leave out?
He's 30. The work girl is slightly younger, so late-20s.
The part I left out was about his girlfriend. I wouldn't say they're having problems, but they're not entirely on the same page. I kinda think she's ready to settle down, get married, possibly have kids. He loves her (so he says), but I don't know if he's entirely ready for that yet. Or, possibly, if he doesn't think she's the one. I didn't want to get into it in the OP because it wouldn't look fair to the girlfriend to talk about how this girl at work is wooing him while she's just the one putting pressure on him.
I didn't want to get into it in the OP because it wouldn't look fair to the girlfriend to talk about how this girl at work is wooing him while she's just the one putting pressure on him.
He already has feelings for her.
So ... now what?
He can either continue to foster it with "gestures," or he can wise up and put an end to it. But he enjoys that little tingle, so he won't. He's allowing it right now. That gate he's the keeper of is swinging back and forth, wide open.
And for the record, why say his GF is "putting pressure on him"?
As long as she isn't doing the same thing with a guy at work, she's probably just honoring the deal she thought they had. That pressure is called "accountability," and your buddy needs to own it.
If it were my SO, I'd say "see ya and I hope you're happy." Life's too short to be stuck with someone who would rather be with someone else.
If he's not happy with his girlfriend anyway (is he really, or did he just magically start being unhappy with her when this other woman showed up? Amazing how often that happens), then it sounds like it would be best for him to do them both a favor and move on, anyway.
This whole thing has already gone too far, and I doubt there's any backing off at this point, especially if they're still going to be working together. He can try to stop the way they're interacting, but I doubt he's going to stop wanting to interact that way.
New attractions are all sparkly because you haven’t known them long enough for the shine to wear off.
If he’s serious about his girlfriend, he needs to step back. There will always be new sparkly attractions along the way.
Right on. Sometimes people will take as if cheating is a one-time event, but generally you don't just fall into bed with someone immediately. It's starts small--they exchange numbers, then they start texting about things outside work, then they go for lunch without the rest of the coworkers, etc, etc. This guy needs to shut it down right now, if he's serious about his existing relationship.
It just seems that people in their 20's seem to treat the workplace like the next place after high school where you found your next boyfriend/girlfriend.
What's the question? He's ready for a new girl, but most men are not strong enough to break up with the old girl in order to get with the new girl, so they try to keep both, which is what this guy will do (most guys do this), and often times the girls end up finding out about each other and then he loses them both because he won't choose and they get pissed off at him.
Or, he will opt to become the work girl's orbiter (aka "friend") so he can harbor his crush on her and continue to hide it from his current girl. A self-proposed friendzone, but really he's just enjoying filling up his spank bank. This is the safer and seemingly harmless route and some guys choose this instead.
Last edited by srjth; 01-19-2020 at 12:41 PM..
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