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I actually don't watch a lot of TV. And I know what you're referencing when I initially began to date her. The comment about falling behind on shows was kind of a tongue-in-cheek thing, (like a: "geez, I can't even sit down and watch TV without her blowing up my phone!") but I was falling behind on projects I wanted to get done around the house, errands, side work, etc. There was constant arguing of how many nights I was going to stay over. If I left her house to go run some errands, she would call me 15 minutes after leaving asking how much longer I would be. I felt smothered. And yes, a month ago I was telling a family member that I could see myself marrying her, and I was going to do it later on in the year. Like towards the Fall of 2020. Despite our issues, things seemed to be smoothing out. But after the holidays, everything changed. She became unhappy with her job, and depressed about some other stuff that I won't mention out of respect for her. I tried to cheer her up and be there for her but all she did was scream at me and told me to leave her alone.
And after that it was fight after fight. I would try and talk to her and share some experiences of my own showing her I could relate, and would offer her advice and told her what I did, and it was, "this isn't a pissing contents of who had it worse." Who says that when you're trying to help someone? When she began taking stuff out of my closet and began throwing them at me, including other items she could get her hands on, it was an eye-opener. I stayed up late that night and did some deep thinking. I felt so stupid saying that to a family member that night. I tried different approaches, tried giving her space, etc. Nothing worked. She got worse and worse. Her own Mother didn't even want to call her anymore; they chat twice a week. That's how bad she was getting.
Her parents always judged me, and at times I felt like her Dad would insult my intelligence. A lot of her friends are ass-hats, so I didn't care for them. I don't know if I will reply to her.
DK, you don’t have to respond to anyone on C-D who is trying to bait you. Ignore them and they’ll pick up their ball and go elsewhere.
I think you did well. And by the way, one of the first things my stbx said to me was, “The house seems empty without you.” There are some people who cannot bear to be alone. But only you would know if your ex falls into that category.
DK, you don’t have to respond to anyone on C-D who is trying to bait you. Ignore them and they’ll pick up their ball and go elsewhere.
I think you did well. And by the way, one of the first things my stbx said to me was, “The house seems empty without you.” There are some people who cannot bear to be alone. But only you would know if your ex falls into that category.
Thank you Fluffy, appreciate you looking out for me. Funny that you mention that, because she brought up how empty it is in the house now that I am gone.
I don't. Read back farther and you'll see they're just not good for one another.
You think the mistake was him breaking up with her. I think the mistake was him wanting to marry her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
Exactly.
I agree, that was a mistake. I was looking down that road and was thinking of popping the question in the Fall. But reality kicked in and I finally realized that I was putting in all of my energy and then some, for a relationship that was never going to work.
We've all seen couples (both in real life and frequently here on this forum) who try to force a relationship into working far past what should have been its natural expiration date.
This is one of the ways that people end up in miserable marriages and/or divorce court.
It's rare that a particular couple's "red flags" don't show themselves in ways both subtle and obvious during the dating and engagement stages, yet people have a tendency to ignore them because either a.) they're in loooove and feel like "making it work" against all odds is the romantic and right thing to do, b.) they believe in the "sunk cost fallacy" or c.)don't feel like they either deserve or can find anyone who's a better fit for them.
You're right. I tried so hard to work on our issues because I didn't want to call it quits so easily, but looking back at it now, I should have ended it before last Summer started. Based on your response, I would say my reasons for ignoring the red flags were A and C.
We've all seen couples (both in real life and frequently here on this forum) who try to force a relationship into working far past what should have been its natural expiration date.
This is one of the ways that people end up in miserable marriages and/or divorce court.
It's rare that a particular couple's "red flags" don't show themselves in ways both subtle and obvious during the dating and engagement stages, yet people have a tendency to ignore them because either a.) they're in loooove and feel like "making it work" against all odds is the romantic and right thing to do, b.) they believe in the "sunk cost fallacy" or c.)don't feel like they either deserve or can find anyone who's a better fit for them.
It has nothing to do with forcing a relationship to work. Less than one month ago the OP wanted to marry her, so it clearly wasn't a relationship far past its natural expiration date.
Do you realize that he ended the relationship because of TV shows and because her friends & parents don't share his enthusiasm for Donald Trump? Seriously. TV SHOWS AND DONALD TRUMP.
I don't think I've ever seen such immaturity and pettiness...and you and 20+ other people on here are high fiving him while praising him for growing. I feel like I'm watching an episode of the Twilight Zone.
It has nothing to do with forcing a relationship to work. Less than one month ago the OP wanted to marry her, so it clearly wasn't a relationship far past its natural expiration date.
Do you realize that he ended the relationship because of TV shows and because her friends & parents don't share his enthusiasm for Donald Trump? Seriously. TV SHOWS AND DONALD TRUMP.
I don't think I've ever seen such immaturity and pettiness...and you and 20+ other people on here are high fiving him while praising him for growing. I feel like I'm watching an episode of the Twilight Zone.
But if he's happy now then great...
What?! Why are you so hung up on the TV thing?! That isn't even one of the many reasons why I chose to end it! In fact, it isn't a reason at all! You brought up something from an old post and I clarified what I meant by that remark. So why are you saying that's the reason? Yeah, I didn't care for MOST of her friends, but that was not the reason. Political views and her parents not liking them? While they were extremely immature that night, not the reason.
I gave you paragraphs of everything that led to my decision. You even sided with me at one point. Lol you sure you're the one in the Twilight Zone? Because I feel like I'm the one who's in it.
What?! Why are you so hung up on the TV thing?! That isn't even one of the many reasons why I chose to end it! In fact, it isn't a reason at all! You brought up something from an old post and I clarified what I meant by that remark. So why are you saying that's the reason? Yeah, I didn't care for MOST of her friends, but that was not the reason. Political views and her parents not liking them? While they were extremely immature that night, not the reason.
I gave you paragraphs of everything that led to my decision. You even sided with me at one point. Lol you sure you're the one in the Twilight Zone? Because I feel like I'm the one who's in it.
DK, you came here seeking advice. I gave some along with strong opinions. And, yes, my view did change as more info became available.
If you're happy with the decision you made, that's all that matters.
DK, you came here seeking advice. I gave some along with strong opinions. And, yes, my view did change as more info became available.
If you're happy with the decision you made, that's all that matters.
If you wanna play devil's advocate, that's fine, but I think you're enjoying it a bit too much. You have been known to give good advice, but you also have a tendency to blur the lines. You're being extremely wishy-washy for all of this. Your last response before this one was you up in arms about how 20+ are supporting me and commending me for working on myself, because I am "immature" and don't deserve the praise. Judge me if you want, but I have made tremendous progress. I don't claim to be perfect, and I think it's time you stop doing the same.
If you wanna play devil's advocate, that's fine, but I think you're enjoying it a bit too much. You have been known to give good advice, but you also have a tendency to blur the lines. You're being extremely wishy-washy for all of this. Your last response before this one was you up in arms about how 20+ are supporting me and commending me for working on myself, because I am "immature" and don't deserve the praise. Judge me if you want, but I have made tremendous progress. I don't claim to be perfect, and I think it's time you stop doing the same.
Dude, your girlfriend was/is going through some sort of major crisis...and, instead of being supportive, you bailed on her. That's progress? That's worthy of praise?
This is someone you say you love. I just don't get it.
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