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A lot of you know the deal with my situation. I thank you all for the advice you have given me. Well, after putting in some more effort, I think it's time to end my relationship. I have been seeing a therapist who has said I am making great progress, especially when it comes to my emotions. I have been thinking things through before I open my mouth, I have worked on being more polite, happy, etc. I have swallowed my pride and made amends with anyone who is a friend of my girlfriend. I have made improvements in areas my girlfriend asked me to. Yet nothing I do is good enough.
We still argue, she still gets mad over petty crap, and she has become controlling. And because she comes from a family who holds everyone to high standards and always expects perfection, it has become difficult to even be myself anymore. I feel like I am constantly being judged and critiqued. I recently started going through some issues with my body, and one of them was issues in the bedroom. She was getting fed up and almost ended the relationship. So I said I would call my doctor for a check up. After seeing my doctor and running some tests, I discovered my testosterone levels were very low for a male of my age. (31) I am currently doing the therapy treatment for it. She was supportive in the beginning but is now impatient and still makes unnecessary threats. (IE: this treatment better work, because otherwise I can't do this)
We go out with friends and family and I leave thinking we had a great time. Yet we go home and she pulls put a list of things that bother her. I know I'm not perfect, but I have made a lot of changes and improvements. She has even said this herself, yet she always points out I can do better. I told her she isn't perfect and has some things she needs to work on too. She admitted I was right, but tells me it's "not nearly as bad as me."
I have done a lot of thinking, and have decided it's time to end it. The thing is I live with her, and I would have nowhere to go once we break up. I have a career and make decent money, but I have nothing saved up because I have been paying off my credit card, student loans, and car loan. Not to mention spending during the holidays. I have paid off my credit card, and consolidated my student loan debt, but I would still need to save up for at least 2 months before I can move out. So, my question is, how do I go about this?
Do I try to be civil with her as long as possible until I find a place, and then break it off? Or should I end it now and hope I can find somewhere to stay until I get my own place? My sister said I could stay with her and her husband at their condo, but their spare bedroom is currently being used for storage. My Dad said I could stay with him too, but he lives far out and my commute to work would be longer, and I would be dealing with more traffic.
End it and go live with your Dad until you find a place of your own. A longer commute to work is hardly a reason to stall a break up.
I have thought of that, but both he and my Step-Mom said I would have to get a storage unit for my stuff. I don't have a lot, but their house is small and they don't have much room for me store anything. But, storage unit = monthly payments. Payments I could be putting into my savings for a new place.
I have thought of that, but both he and my Step-Mom said I would have to get a storage unit for my stuff. I don't have a lot, but their house is small and they don't have much room for me store anything. But, storage unit = monthly payments. Payments I could be putting into my savings for a new place.
I assume you and your GF share expenses, right? I would bet a storage unit would cost less than what your expenses are with your GF.
In my town, I can get a 5x6 storage unit for $40 a month.
Rent a 10x10 storage unit.
Buy some Home Depot packing boxes and empty out sister's spare bedroom. I would guess it is just clutter - out of season clothes, exercise bike used as a clothes rack, stacks of books. Let her and hub decide what goes, of course. Perhaps it just needs to be organized better.
When the room is livable - get your stuff out. Try to do so amicably (ie, choose the couch or the two matching chairs you guys bought together, that sort of thing). The stuff that belongs to both of you, I'd cheat towards letting her keep. Especially kitchen stuff, since the condo is already furnished. Fill that storage unit up, take only what you need to the condo (clothes, toiletries).
Not sure about your lease obligation, make sure you know the details. You may need to pony up an extra month's rent or two just to get away clean. Breaking a lease may have negative ramifications down the road. (next time you rent)
I wish you the best, it is hard, but think of that first long sign of relief when you are free of all that negativity. Make sure to leave some $20's on their counter towards groceries, higher water bill, before rather than after. Target March 1st as a reasonable time to move into a new place of your own.
I think this is the approach I would use. G'luck!
Edited to add: a storage unit rents for about $100, $120 a month, right ? You may only need a 5x5 after I read your comment about not having a lot of stuff.
I have thought of that, but both he and my Step-Mom said I would have to get a storage unit for my stuff. I don't have a lot, but their house is small and they don't have much room for me store anything. But, storage unit = monthly payments. Payments I could be putting into my savings for a new place.
You don’t want to leave bad enough if your worried about a storage pmt which is probably less than 50 bucks. That fifty you’d have to save for years to have it be significant. Go stay at dads
OP, are you on the lease? If so, you just can't move out and be done with it. You'll need to have your name removed from the lease. That will likely require written permission from your (ex) GF. And your LL might require your GF to qualify for the rent amount by herself. If she can't qualify alone, she will need to find another LL approved roommate to take over your part of the lease.
When you enter into legally binding documents with another person, you can't just quit it and forget it.
This could take some time to untangle yourself from - Do you expect this to be a civil breakup?
I have thought of that, but both he and my Step-Mom said I would have to get a storage unit for my stuff. I don't have a lot, but their house is small and they don't have much room for me store anything. But, storage unit = monthly payments. Payments I could be putting into my savings for a new place.
You seem like you're not wanting to inconvenience yourself too much. You're going to have to bite the bullet either way. Have you even researched how much per month it would cost? If you don't have a lot of things, it likely would not even come close to $100/mo and there are even deals like Public Storage and their $1 for the first month.
So many people EXCEPT your girlfriend know about this crisis. It's time to stop prolonging it and make other arrangements for a few months.
You won't believe how much better you'll feel when you aren't living under the weight of her daily criticism. The longer drive would be worth it.
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