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Before any of you start with "don't **** with where you eat" this is a person where I have fully thought of this situation thoroughly. For me I feel both us are mature enough to handle this and I have met way too many people that have had successful relationships with a coworker. I have started dating again, but there is this one coworker where we just have a special connection.
I started at this company about three years ago, and he was already working here. From the beginning I noticed he would give me special attention. I would constantly catch him looking and staring at me from afar. He would also get very flirty with me too. I admit I had a crush on him and we had great chemistry, but I was in the camp of "do not date coworkers" so I started to cool it off. He still gave me a lot of attention and got flirty.
The past couple of months I have noticed extra attention from him. A month and a half ago he said we should do dinner and we did and it was nice. Then two weeks ago he said to me "When are we doing dinner again?". So we ended up going a week ago after work. It was kind of cute because where we would be going he would be trying a new ethnic cuisine. That morning at work he was sending me via our instant messaging system at work questions about the menu and what food he should try. It was cute because it told me he was excited for the dinner that night if he's looking at the menu like 6 hours in advance. It was Asian cuisine and he didn't really know how to use chopsticks all that well, so I was teaching him in this dinner and the previous one how to use them.
On the way to dinner when getting out and in the elevator he kept putting his arm out for me to go first, a "after you" gesture. Then when we got to the restaurant and had three doors we had to go through and he held them open for me, all three, in a very gentleman way. At dinner we had great conversation, almost felt like a date where I was asking him questions about his family and just who he is, which he enlightened me on. Then he started telling me about some of his hopes and dreams. He now wants to join me and my friends (along with his friends) for a Latin dancing event in a couple of weeks.
In the past couple of months I have been really working on closing some loose ends in my romantic life (ended it with a guy I was briefly dating and also confessed my feelings to a best friend). With those all out of the way and knowing this guy for now three years, I have to admit when I compare him to all the others, he is a great fit. Like me he is independent, likes his space, is cool, calm collected, and emotionally very mature. Physically he is someone that when I look at every time he gets me going from my physical attraction to him, every time lol. We share the same passions in life too like travel, living a minimalist lifestyle, and seeking out creative pursuits. The only negative is he is a coworker, which I am starting to ask myself is this really a legit concern?
From the looks of his behavior I feel comfortable enough to say he has feelings for me, and I do for him. And as I date others I start to see how much of a better fit he is for me.
Before any of you start with "don't **** with where you eat" this is a person where I have fully thought of this situation thoroughly. For me I feel both us are mature enough to handle this and I have met way too many people that have had successful relationships with a coworker. I have started dating again, but there is this one coworker where we just have a special connection.
I started at this company about three years ago, and he was already working here. From the beginning I noticed he would give me special attention. I would constantly catch him looking and staring at me from afar. He would also get very flirty with me too. I admit I had a crush on him and we had great chemistry, but I was in the camp of "do not date coworkers" so I started to cool it off. He still gave me a lot of attention and got flirty.
The past couple of months I have noticed extra attention from him. A month and a half ago he said we should do dinner and we did and it was nice. Then two weeks ago he said to me "When are we doing dinner again?". So we ended up going a week ago after work. It was kind of cute because where we would be going he would be trying a new ethnic cuisine. That morning at work he was sending me via our instant messaging system at work questions about the menu and what food he should try. It was cute because it told me he was excited for the dinner that night if he's looking at the menu like 6 hours in advance. It was Asian cuisine and he didn't really know how to use chopsticks all that well, so I was teaching him in this dinner and the previous one how to use them.
On the way to dinner when getting out and in the elevator he kept putting his arm out for me to go first, a "after you" gesture. Then when we got to the restaurant and had three doors we had to go through and he held them open for me, all three, in a very gentleman way. At dinner we had great conversation, almost felt like a date where I was asking him questions about his family and just who he is, which he enlightened me on. Then he started telling me about some of his hopes and dreams. He now wants to join me and my friends (along with his friends) for a Latin dancing event in a couple of weeks.
In the past couple of months I have been really working on closing some loose ends in my romantic life (ended it with a guy I was briefly dating and also confessed my feelings to a best friend). With those all out of the way and knowing this guy for now three years, I have to admit when I compare him to all the others, he is a great fit. Like me he is independent, likes his space, is cool, calm collected, and emotionally very mature. Physically he is someone that when I look at every time he gets me going from my physical attraction to him, every time lol. We share the same passions in life too like travel, living a minimalist lifestyle, and seeking out creative pursuits. The only negative is he is a coworker, which I am starting to ask myself is this really a legit concern?
From the looks of his behavior I feel comfortable enough to say he has feelings for me, and I do for him. And as I date others I start to see how much of a better fit he is for me.
Curious what others think of this situation.
Have done it twice and will never do it again. I don't care how mature you think you both are but you're going to try it anyway. Good luck with that. Could it work? Sure. Is it likely? Nope.
Besides who the hell wants to work with their s/o? It will get old.
Have done it twice and will never do it again. I don't care how mature you think you both are but you're going to try it anyway. Good luck with that. Could it work? Sure. Is it likely? Nope.
Besides who the hell wants to work with their s/o? It will get old.
Well I will say, I don't think he is going to be here much longer. At our last dinner, without directly telling me, he wanted to change his career path, and its looking like it won't happen here. With that being said I also only see myself here a couple of more years before I move on.
Him and I actually don't interact every day at work. We can go two to three days without seeing or talking to each other at the office. He works with our local office and I am a corporate employee, meaning we work in two completely different entities. It's just that I sit in the same office because we by chance live in the same city. But I actually don't work with anyone in the office I sit in, I am kind of an island. I actually work 2 days from home as well, sometimes more, depending on what's going on.
I only say this because at the moment, there is actually a lot of space between us at work and we really don't interact all that much in the office, but when we do, definitely a ton of sparks there.
Before any of you start with "don't **** with where you eat" this is a person where I have fully thought of this situation thoroughly. For me I feel both us are mature enough to handle this and I have met way too many people that have had successful relationships with a coworker. I have started dating again, but there is this one coworker where we just have a special connection.
I started at this company about three years ago, and he was already working here. From the beginning I noticed he would give me special attention. I would constantly catch him looking and staring at me from afar. He would also get very flirty with me too. I admit I had a crush on him and we had great chemistry, but I was in the camp of "do not date coworkers" so I started to cool it off. He still gave me a lot of attention and got flirty.
The past couple of months I have noticed extra attention from him. A month and a half ago he said we should do dinner and we did and it was nice. Then two weeks ago he said to me "When are we doing dinner again?". So we ended up going a week ago after work. It was kind of cute because where we would be going he would be trying a new ethnic cuisine. That morning at work he was sending me via our instant messaging system at work questions about the menu and what food he should try. It was cute because it told me he was excited for the dinner that night if he's looking at the menu like 6 hours in advance. It was Asian cuisine and he didn't really know how to use chopsticks all that well, so I was teaching him in this dinner and the previous one how to use them.
On the way to dinner when getting out and in the elevator he kept putting his arm out for me to go first, a "after you" gesture. Then when we got to the restaurant and had three doors we had to go through and he held them open for me, all three, in a very gentleman way. At dinner we had great conversation, almost felt like a date where I was asking him questions about his family and just who he is, which he enlightened me on. Then he started telling me about some of his hopes and dreams. He now wants to join me and my friends (along with his friends) for a Latin dancing event in a couple of weeks.
In the past couple of months I have been really working on closing some loose ends in my romantic life (ended it with a guy I was briefly dating and also confessed my feelings to a best friend). With those all out of the way and knowing this guy for now three years, I have to admit when I compare him to all the others, he is a great fit. Like me he is independent, likes his space, is cool, calm collected, and emotionally very mature. Physically he is someone that when I look at every time he gets me going from my physical attraction to him, every time lol. We share the same passions in life too like travel, living a minimalist lifestyle, and seeking out creative pursuits. The only negative is he is a coworker, which I am starting to ask myself is this really a legit concern?
From the looks of his behavior I feel comfortable enough to say he has feelings for me, and I do for him. And as I date others I start to see how much of a better fit he is for me.
Curious what others think of this situation.
I'm not a 100% Don't Date Co-Workers kind of person. At the same time, I am very much a 'proceed with caution' kind of person for several reasons.
1. Dating a co-worker can create potential workplace conflicts, and are thereby dimly viewed by management.
2. If things don't work out, you are basically sitting across a conference room table with an ex.
3. You potentially become a subject of gossip.
None of this is to say, don't do it. It's to say, go really, really slowly and really, really, really, really discreetly. Because if you don't do this the right way, your career can potentially suffer.
If you go out with him you should have ground rules that wouldn't exist in a normal relationship. Namely:
1. Tell absolutely no one you work with.
2. No PDAs on the job.
3. If things don't work out, then no drama on the job.
Besides, you have made the case that you two can "handle this," so nothing anyone offers to the contrary will serve a purpose.
The best friend situation didn't turn out like you expected, but at least now you are acquainted with that possibility. We also can't guarantee any outcomes, so you'll have to take the risk. So far it sounds ok.
Besides, you have made the case that you two can "handle this," so nothing anyone offers to the contrary will serve a purpose.
The best friend situation didn't turn out like you expected, but at least now you are acquainted with that possibility. We also can't guarantee any outcomes, so you'll have to take the risk. So far it sounds ok.
Are we going out though? We've only had dinner twice, and I will say the first one didn't feel romantic. This second one did feel more like a "date". I think part of it on my end, is I do have a little bit of a wall up with him. Not because I am scared to bring that wall down and being vulnerable, rather because he is my coworker and I am being careful because of that.
I think I am just looking at all my options and this guy we have always had such a great connection. It's just because he was a coworker I never tried anything with him. After meeting and going on dates with so many guys when you meet someone that is such a great fit and he's right in front of you, you start to question it more, as to why you are stopping yourself. I think that is where I am now.
I'm not a 100% Don't Date Co-Workers kind of person. At the same time, I am very much a 'proceed with caution' kind of person for several reasons.
1. Dating a co-worker can create potential workplace conflicts, and are thereby dimly viewed by management.
2. If things don't work out, you are basically sitting across a conference room table with an ex.
3. You potentially become a subject of gossip.
None of this is to say, don't do it. It's to say, go really, really slowly and really, really, really, really discreetly. Because if you don't do this the right way, your career can potentially suffer.
If you go out with him you should have ground rules that wouldn't exist in a normal relationship. Namely:
1. Tell absolutely no one you work with.
2. No PDAs on the job.
3. If things don't work out, then no drama on the job.
Oh for sure there would be some ground rules. I would probably work from home more and it would be kept hush hush.
Like I said luckily him and I don't really work together. We have been working together 3 years and I have had to sit in one meeting with him in those three years.
Are we going out though? We've only had dinner twice, and I will say the first one didn't feel romantic. This second one did feel more like a "date". I think part of it on my end, is I do have a little bit of a wall up with him. Not because I am scared to bring that wall down and being vulnerable, rather because he is my coworker and I am being careful because of that.
I think I am just looking at all my options and this guy we have always had such a great connection. It's just because he was a coworker I never tried anything with him. After meeting and going on dates with so many guys when you meet someone that is such a great fit and he's right in front of you, you start to question it more, as to why you are stopping yourself. I think that is where I am now.
In my experience, men don't seek out women as friends.
So yeah, in my mind you've been out on two unofficial dates.
If that is the place where you are now, then you just have to decide whether the risks of crossing an official line are worth whatever boundaries you've had in place.
I dated, and then married, a coworker. We eventually divorced but that was a long time after we both had other jobs.
It was okay at work but we did try to keep it quiet until we actually got married. Like you, we were in different departments, which is probably why it worked.
It may have even helped the relationship as we understood what the other was talking about when we talked about work. We actually didn't start having problems in our marriage until the company folded and we found other jobs. I didn't know how insanely jealous he was but his constant quizzing me about the guys I met at my new job was the beginning of the end.
I dated, and then married, a coworker. We eventually divorced but that was a long time after we both had other jobs.
It was okay at work but we did try to keep it quiet until we actually got married. Like you, we were in different departments, which is probably why it worked.
It may have even helped the relationship as we understood what the other was talking about when we talked about work. We actually didn't start having problems in our marriage until the company folded and we found other jobs. I didn't know how insanely jealous he was but his constant quizzing me about the guys I met at my new job was the beginning of the end.
Thank you for sharing.
I will say I do think he is leaving the company soon (perhaps that is why the past couple of months he's giving me significantly more attention?), unless they really change his role. It all depends on budgets, which haven't been finalized and I am constantly participating in the review of those. The budget needed to roll him into the new position may not be happening so he might not get what he wants.
Honestly, I never told him this as it's not my place to, but I do think he should leave. He could be working in a different type of job more suited to what he wants while making much more than what he makes now. I think he has realized that. We work at great company, but I think he has hit his limit here and he is still young (29) a little younger than me by a few years and this is the only company he has worked at since he left college. So he's been here already quite some time.
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