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That’s not a function of your age or retirement. It’s really that she just abruptly changed. Had you been the same age, it would have happened as well.
You have missed the point, it's me that affected here, your comments are completely insulting. She changed because of the age difference and the fact that she developed her career after I retired by moving in different circles - because of the age difference.
It's me who's hurting here, I only offered input into this thread to provide some guidance in response to the question asked, which was 'does an age difference matter?' Perhaps to save others making the same mistake.
Now I'm on my own as an old man, with nowhere to go emotionally.
I'll withdraw from this, it's very painful for me.
Personally? It’s a non-issue. There might be a few generational gaps between you here and there, but frankly it otherwise doesn’t affect or bother me.
A guy moved in next door a few months ago. He's older (I'm 29). And in passing conversations so far we have a lot of common interests. I wouldn't call him rich or omg attractive (get that out of the way) but he makes me laugh, for one, and unlike some of the guys closer to my age he doesn't act/seem like a kid trapped inside an adult body.
More than about eight years seems like too much for me but that's just my opinion.
I'm 49 and my boyfriend is 39. We'll celebrate "milestone" birthdays within a month of each other next year. It's working out fine for us!
I don't think too many people really balk at 10 year age gaps. Especially at the ages you listed. 29 and 19, not as much in my opinion. 39 and 49 are much closer in terms of life experience and all of that sorta stuff.
My SO is 5 or 6 years older, depending on what time of the year it is. LOL.
That’s reddit tier cringeworthy right there. Two legal adults can do what they want.
Sure they can.
But when one of them is only an adult in the legal sense, as a kind of technicality, and their brain is not done developing yet, you can be setting yourself up for serious problems. I'd say it's likely, though it might not be inevitable.
Of course, I also don't think that anyone at age 18, 19, 20, should really be making lifelong commitments at all if they can help it. Not with an older person and not with someone their own age, whose brain is likewise not done developing. Mostly because the person you are at that age isn't really the same person you'll be by the time you reach your mid to late twenties and beyond. Obviously we do keep learning and growing throughout our lives, but an 18/19 year old has more mentally in common with a 16/17 year old, than they do a 25/26+ year old. Just in terms of maturity and how their brains work at stages.
Anyhow, no one in this scenario is a "kidult" or kinda-only-technically-grown-up so it doesn't matter.
With 29 and "12+ years older" you have to be aware logistically of differences in your life stages. If you want kids, will he want kids? How old will he be when they are 10, 15, grown? How old will you be when he reaches retirement age? When he needs elder care? When he (likely) passes on? How will the logistics of your life line up? I'm not saying these things are deal breakers, but if you don't think realistically about them, you're being blind-stupid, if you're willing to potentially consider partnering with someone who is a different age.
I'm in a 20 year age gap relationship myself. We have a lot in common. You don't have to have grown up with the same movies, he shows me lots of movies and shows I was not familiar with, and I love that. He's seen most of what I grew up with, but I can relate stories and experiences that are wild and outside of his experience. But there's plenty of overlap in our Venn diagrams as we say, and it works. Very, very well.
In terms of life stages, I've given it quite a bit of thought. I actually think that the age gap thing might really work in our favor. I mean, think of it this way, if two people at the same age grow old together, what happens if both need care at the same time? Doesn't that strain the resources available? The ability of any family member to help? I'm fully willing to care for him in his old age if he needs me to, to the extent of my capabilities. So my family will only have to worry about me, to put me in a home or whatever they've got to do one day.
Also OP, I totally feel you on how younger guys are. I, too, could have "got" a guy my age or younger, some ripped and handsome younger fella if I'd wanted, or a wealthier man... Ultimately I found the one who was perfect for me. All this "dating market" and "leagues" baloney didn't factor in. I committed to the man who made my heart sing, who thrills me and yet makes me feel safe and at home. I think that had to be an older guy, for me. There is a steadiness to him....
Oh, but agree with others concerned about dating a neighbor. Same reasons as dating a coworker. Could you move (like leaving a job) if it went south? It's questionable to date people you are forced into proximity with by very important other circumstances in life. Be careful.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueEyedGal
Just curious.
A guy moved in next door a few months ago. He's older (I'm 29). And in passing conversations so far we have a lot of common interests. I wouldn't call him rich or omg attractive (get that out of the way) but he makes me laugh, for one, and unlike some of the guys closer to my age he doesn't act/seem like a kid trapped inside an adult body.
I'm engaged to a man that is almost the same age difference.......& we couldn't be happier. It's not that big of a difference IMO.....tho tbh....it's probably about the "limit" for me.
It's kinda a perfect age difference because you get the best of both worlds.......older men are usually more successful because they have had longer to be at their jobs & they are more settled down....(women mature faster IMO).... AND they are still young enough to have lots in common & share an active lifestyle with you.
So yea...29 & 41....you should go for it if you're both interested IMO............
That’s reddit tier cringeworthy right there. Two legal adults can do what they want.
I'd seriously look sideways at any 31 year old dating a 19 year old. Though its technically legal, its exploitive. Just because you can do something, doesnt mean you should.
The 31 year old wont get arrested but its still weird and predatory.
I was 41 when I began seeing the woman who’s now my wife, she was 22.
After getting the blessing of her parents, we’ve been married for 25 years, Christ knows how I did it, I must have been born lucky I guess.
I'm curious--do you think she feels she's missed out on anything by marrying someone so much older--especially when you're 80 and she's only 61?
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