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Yeah.. in time he will get schooled and then sit back and wait for some more dishing of that good stuff...
As a young un we think we have the world by the huevos.. little do we know...
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
He's 23, he's never been in a "relationship" lasting longer than a week, and yet he knows it all. Not only does he know it all, but he feels qualified to give advice, too; mind you, strong advice! Ain't it grand being young... All you learn later on is how much you don't know. Don't worry, though. He'll find his teacher. We all do.
Not to be harsh, but do teach Mr. and Mrs. failed relationships. It's not like I am an isolated being who has never spoken to anyone in a bad marriage. It's not like I didn't live through years of my own parents on the rocks and near divorce. It's not like WE ALL haven't seen the frequent posts from the city-data users that are currently in an obviously bad relationship, and not been able to do anything about it. My intent is to spur change, that's all. I understood when I wrote that post that it would be harsh, but I don't mean for it to simply be me lashing out at everyone as a 'youthful' thing to do. Maybe it is too harsh ? But what's the alternative? Every day for the past month I log onto city-data, and the same women are talking about the same horrible relationships, and the same advice is offered. Nothing happens. So, I took it a step further, and I'm gonna hold to that first post. Anyone who knows a relationship is absolutely sour and yet stays in it is foolish, and I don't care what age you are. If I was 60 I would have likely made the exact same post, perhaps with a little more maturity but what the hell. The gist would be the same.
EDIT: I want to swing this convo into a direction other than a flame war, the hostility was towards laziness and unchanging ways, not women in general. I want to talk about ways that things can change, or baby steps
Really now... if it were so easy as to "just leave"... wouldn't there be less abusive relationships...?
Apparently, we weren't all made with the same strengths, weaknesses, ambitions, goals, opinions, etc... Everyone's different, and what one man/woman finds "easy" to do may not be easy for another. I'm glad YOU find this easy to do... the "just do it" attitude is EASY to say if you're not in the situation. And if you were chi, I'm sure you'd follow through and just leave. But unfortunately, everyone's different and can't be like you.
There's a lot of factors that play into situations like this. Financial stability, emotional stability, brainwashed minds, low self esteem, even down to people that simply DON'T KNOW they're in an abusive relationship as someone said in an earlier post.
I can easily say hey, all poor people, get an education and get "unpoor"! It doesn't work that way bud. Or hey, you want that new $70,000 Lexus, then GO GET IT! Of course, some will have the ambition to do it, some won't. Just like some people will have the strength to leave an abusive relationship, and some won't. Just because they don't, doesn't make them a bad enough person for you to say "Well, I don't pity you, you deserve it! Here, let me step on you and spit on you too! Moron!"
And by the way... I doubt laziness has anything to do with it. But, I know we're just gonna get into another spat like we did about the fat girl thing so let's just let this one be.
There are an awful lot of these "Why are women dumb enough to make idiotic choices?" threads lately.
My own question would be: Why are some men obsessed with bringing up again and again women they see as inferior for their choices, their ways or their habits?
Another question would be: If associate with a majority women who live life at the bottom of the barrel, doesn't this say as much about you as it does about them?
Wait, I just had a brainstorm in how to enable women in abusive relationships to leave.
In addition to actually being told they're worth something, how about the Powers that Be suddenly start handing women more than $.79 for every man's dollar for the same job? That could help tremendously in the ability to live independently. Of course, the tradeoff would be that this would strip away the last bastion of "how to control women in our society", but hey, it's just a thought.
We might also find a way that the women, who generally get the children and are the ones who must flee an already existing house for a far inferior place to live, then support everybody, don't suffer a reduction in economic lifestyle (on average) while the men actually experience a rise in economic lifestyle following the average divorce. ("Oh, that poor man, he's divorced, let's give him a raise, I'll bet she's taking him for everything he's got." "She's divorced? Well, now, we can't mollycoddle women in society. I'll bet that woman's spoiled enough. If she wants more, she can work harder. There is such a thing as a third job, after all."
Taking this even further, and probably venturing deeper yet into Fantasyland, in addition to a $1.00/$1.00 women's/men's paycheck, give a few of the higher up jobs to women rather than mutter to cohorts about how you're afraid she'll mess up a big project at PMS time. That too would be a huge help.
In addition to helping women be independent and break free, it would also allow guys to stop whining that women "use a man's money". If she could make her own...she wouldn't, now, would she?
See? Problem solved!
Oh, wait. (sigh) I just remembered. These ideas have already been put out there. Like, by the Suffragettes. Oh, well. Another 100 years and we might get somewhere with it and then everybody can stop whining.
Wait, I just had a brainstorm in how to enable women in abusive relationships to leave.
In addition to actually being told they're worth something, how about the Powers that Be suddenly start handing women more than $.79 for every man's dollar for the same job? That could help tremendously in the ability to live independently. Of course, the tradeoff would be that this would strip away the last bastion of "how to control women in our society", but hey, it's just a thought.
Wonderful idea, JerZ! I'm sure all the good men on our forum who make more would be willing to at least split the difference with us. Of course, they'll start arguing about their position and/or education being higher and it'll never end... just like anything else...
If there was an award for the most judgemental and critical post not to mention downright nasty, I would want it to go this one.
I have to agree that the opening post is really harsh and nasty and not helpful and judgmental. Obviously the person knows nothing about the dynamics of abusive relationships. And to "blame the victim" is itself a form of abuse.
If the person is truly concerned about helping women in abusive relationships this is not the tack to take.
Alright, so his motive was to "shock and awe" the victims of abuse. Well, in order to be effective, the victim would need to know they were a victim first. Coming from an abusive long term relationship (not physical, but verbally and emotionally abusive).. I stayed for 7 years. I was only 20 when we dated and had no idea the pain I felt was due to abuse. I thought it was just "fighting" or anger. The OP needs to realize that the victims don't and won't realize they are victims until the relationship is over. Im happily married now with a beautiful daughter, and I know that in order to help.. they have to be able to admit they are in an abusive relationship.. While your intentions were good, you're a bit young and inexperienced to understand.
I think women stay in abusive marriages for pretty much the same reasons that men spend their lives working for corporations that bleed them dry and kill their souls.
The chances of escaping either condition are about the same, and both require radical life changes that not everyone can muster the strength for.
I think women stay in abusive marriages for pretty much the same reasons that men spend their lives working for corporations that bleed them dry and kill their souls.
The chances of escaping either condition are about the same, and both require radical life changes that not everyone can muster the strength for.
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lasting longer than a week, and yet he knows it all. Not only does he know it all, but he feels qualified to give advice, too; mind you, strong advice! Ain't it grand being young... All you learn later on is how much you don't know. Don't worry, though. He'll find his teacher. We all do.
I'm sure all the good men on our forum who make more would be willing to at least split the difference with us.