Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Is she also part of your cultural background? And are both of you in a community full of that culture, or are you now living somewhere different like the US?
Is she breaking the social rules of your social community, or is she living by a different set of rules? There is no ONE "normal" that applies to all people.
I can only speak from MY cultural background which says that if you don't want a girlfriend who dated men who were friends with each other, then that is fine. If you wanted a pure virgin who never showed her face to another man, that's fine too (though it will be hard to find in a place like America.) You can want whatever you want. Live your life on a quest for it, and good luck to you!
But here at least, we have too many DIFFERENT kinds of people who believe different things, to go around harshly judging and calling each other "weird and sick" and being upset about it. I mean, you can have that attitude, but it won't help you be a happy or socially well adjusted person in a diverse society.
What is weird and sick to me, would be for you to keep seeing this woman, since you think so badly of her. Like deep down you just want to get her to punish her. Gross. Leave her alone if you don't like the way she conducts her love life. Don't try to be a part of it, if you don't like it. Just walk away. Simple.
I think that the reason that I am able to be friends with former partners, is that sometimes we are not deeply invested in a "forever" relationship, no one's heart got very broken, and the bad feelings were minor, if any at all. Sometimes it's not a big painful thing for two people to just realize they are not a great couple. Some of those, even when I "broke up" with them I told them I did not exactly want to end the relationship, I just wanted to evolve it into something that would work better--friendship, rather than romance. Often enough, I still ended up drifting apart, moving away, losing touch with those people over the years. But a couple of them that are here, I am still very close friends with. So is my fiance. We all spend time together.
Why would that man say cruel mocking things to my fiance about us being together before, as the OP suggests? That would be disrespectful to me also, and he still likes and respects me.
Not every breakup involves nasty words, pain, betrayal, or loss of respect. In fact my life experience has taught me to end a relationship the moment I feel like "I can see where this is going, and it might not be good" rather than to hang on and keep trying until it hits rock bottom and we hate each other. I sometimes wish I could have magically known to end my marriage about a year sooner than I did...but if I had, everyone would have thought I was selfish and frivolous for not "trying harder to save it." So I had to wait until he turned violent and put our whole family through hell, before I was justified enough to leave. Ugh. Absolutely never again. You cannot be friends after some crap like that. We tried for our kids' sake, but it was always difficult. Now we don't speak to each other. I never want a relationship or a breakup that is THAT bad, ever again.
Maybe you're right. Maybe deep down I just want to get her to punish her. For example: We are in relationship, we had sex, she loves me, she wants to be with me forever. Suddenly I said stop. I brake up that relationship. She is crying. She is Said. She ask me why ? My answer would be "becuse I found out some disgusting things about you, I found out you' were promiscuous and this is your punishment now".
Maybe, it's like those "yo mama..." insults? Maybe it actually is a cultural thing, to insult another boy's mother? *shudder*
OP, you might want to try to find a Serbian- or Balkan-based relationships forum, for your question.
Also?
In groups of boys where they insult each other's Mother to start a fight or to bully each other, it does not matter if the Mom actually ever had sex with anyone but her husband or not.
Being a man, maybe the OP does not understand this, but he is participating in it. A woman can behave in any way, and if a male wants to insult her, he will. It doesn't matter if she is a virgin.
In fact, most of the time, if a boy in high school spread rumors that he had sex with a girl, it was because she did NOT have sex with him, and he's mad about it and wants to ruin her reputation.
If boys want to be cruel, they will be cruel. It is not a woman's fault, it usually has nothing to do with her choices.
Maybe you're right. Maybe deep down I just want to get her to punish her. For example: We are in relationship, we had sex, she loves me, she wants to be with me forever. Suddenly I said stop. I brake up that relationship. She is crying. She is Said. She ask me why ? My answer would be "becuse I found out some disgusting things about you, I found out you' were promiscuous and this is your punishment now".
Why do you think it's your job to punish her? What gives you that right?
If she disgusts you, then leave her alone. Don't create a relationship to punish someone. That is... It's evil. Not righteous. Do you believe in God? In most cultures where women's sexuality is judged this way, religion plays a part. If you do believe in God, then let God judge her. Do not dirty your own hands with bad acts and harming another person.
Maybe you're right. Maybe deep down I just want to get her to punish her. For example: We are in relationship, we had sex, she loves me, she wants to be with me forever. Suddenly I said stop. I brake up that relationship. She is crying. She is Said. She ask me why ? My answer would be "becuse I found out some disgusting things about you, I found out you' were promiscuous and this is your punishment now".
Yes, she's normal. You're judging her for her past but you wanting to punish her is worse. Just leave her alone and fix yourself. She probably doesn't even like you anyway.
If you live in a society, where fathers tell their sons who their sex partners/past gf's were before they married their sons' mother, you have bigger problems. I find it very hard to believe, that fathers commonly have such conversations with their sons, where you live.
You know, some Romanians once told me, that the attitudes men have toward women in your corner of Europe, are a cultural holdover from the Ottoman Empire. The Romanians blamed it on the Turks.
This isn't a normal mindset, compared to "the West".
Doesn’t mean they found out about it from their fathers. Some fathers maybe tallk about it, some fathers maybe not. If the fathers dont tallk about it, kids can find out from other people. It's hard to hide it especially in smaller places.
Maybe you're right. Maybe deep down I just want to get her to punish her. For example: We are in relationship, we had sex, she loves me, she wants to be with me forever. Suddenly I said stop. I brake up that relationship. She is crying. She is Said. She ask me why ? My answer would be "becuse I found out some disgusting things about you, I found out you' were promiscuous and this is your punishment now".
Why do you think it's your job to punish her? What gives you that right?
If she disgusts you, then leave her alone. Don't create a relationship to punish someone. That is... It's evil. Not righteous. Do you believe in God? In most cultures where women's sexuality is judged this way, religion plays a part. If you do believe in God, then let God judge her. Do not dirty your own hands with bad acts and harming another person.
I belive in God. Do you' know what God did in the story of Noah and Moses because people were immoral ?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
