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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by mathias_north
Hello,
I am a male in his mid 30s, some time ago I knew a 40 year old woman, we had a nice first date, and then exchanged nice texts for a while. I asked her for a second date, to which she agreed, but then said that she was busy for the next few days, saying that maybe she would have a free slot in about five days, but she was not sure. She commented on this saying "Patience is a virtue ".
Now my question here is *not* going to be on whether she is interested or not, or what I should do... I have plenty of other women with whom I am in touch, and this is not an issue.
My question is on whether I should consider her behavior, and "Patience is a virtue ", a bit condescending and pretentious, as if she suggested that I should be all the time at her disposal.
I personally believe that this is condescending and disrespectful, but I would not mind having other points of view.
Best,
I definitely think it is condescending and I wouldn’t get my hopes up for another date. Of course, I’d probably not want another date with a woman who acted like that.
I'm tempted to say you should trust your instincts, OP. Maybe that's because I see the scenario and the comment as a little presumptuous. Then from your other thread you seem to think there's necessarily a sort of game aspect to dating. That's one way to proceed. A dishonest, problematic way, but a way. If that's your take on dating in general you may see game playing where it doesn't exist, though.
So I guess all I really have is the opinion that virtue is over rated and that what she may be implying with her comment is hardly worth waiting for.
I feel like I might be missing something here. She agreed to a second date, but in about a week, and said something along the lines of "just wait" with a winky emoji. I don't understand how that's condescending.
I feel like I might be missing something here. She agreed to a second date, but in about a week, and said something along the lines of "just wait" with a winky emoji. I don't understand how that's condescending.
Sometimes analyzing these things is not all that necessary. You do not need to prepare a court case to back up your decision, if your gut is not comfortable with this, then you can just not proceed to deal with it.
Honestly? I don't like it either. I am not going to waste my time (for a change) analyzing exactly why, or whether it was truly out of line, or whatever. If someone sends me a message that just rubs me the wrong way, then why bother with 'em? I don't owe them anything. You don't owe her your patience. You decide if you want to give it or you don't.
But I'm also influenced to say this, based on you saying that you're talking to other people. If you were the kind of poster who says that they never get any luck or contact or interest and struggles with online dating, my advice might be different. Maybe then you would want to wait and see if this is just her trying to flirt, or what happens, because you don't really have anything else going on.
But from what you say? I'd be feeling pretty dismissive of her based on the tone of that message.
I feel like I might be missing something here. She agreed to a second date, but in about a week, and said something along the lines of "just wait" with a winky emoji. I don't understand how that's condescending.
It struck me as condescending because, after putting him off and not even agreeing to a specific second day, she then implied that he should be patient and just wait for whatever she finally decides.
I don't think it's condescending, but maybe a bit coquettish. Like she was half hiding her face behind a splayed fan as she wrote it. But maybe that's a style the OP can work with.
as her trying to be clever and flirty. (also, it sounds like something I would say, so maybe that explains it. )
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