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I’ve lost a good amount of weight but only get noticed by the guys I would not want to date. I get envious because here I am trying to make myself look better and only get noticed by ugly guys. I’m thinner and still never get approached by my kind of guy, here there are fat/ugly women that meet their dream man. What’s wrong with me? I don’t think I’m too picky but am selective to a normal degree. Am I not having results because I’m using the dating apps? I get complimented on my appearance but have yet to meet a good guy. I do not message the guys first, I get messages from men but it doesn’t work out either way. Am I the problem or is it because I don’t approach the guys first?
Last edited by PJSaturn; 06-21-2020 at 01:15 PM..
Reason: Merged 2 threads on similar topic.
I’ve lost a good amount of weight but only get noticed by the guys I would not want to date. I get envious because here I am trying to make myself look better and only get noticed by ugly guys. I’m thinner and still never get approached by my kind of guy, here there are fat/ugly women that meet their dream man. What’s wrong with me? I don’t think I’m too picky but am selective to a normal degree. Am I not having results because I’m using the dating apps? I get complimented on my appearance but have yet to meet a good guy. I do not message the guys first, I get messages from men but it doesn’t work out either way. Am I the problem or is it because I don’t approach the guys first?
Sorry, my crystal ball is on the fritz ...
Why do YOU think this happens? Deep down, we usually know the root of the problem.
It's great that you've lost weight, but in terms of conventional attractiveness are you in the same league as the kind of guy you're looking for? That might come across as shallow, but it's the same criteria you're using.
I’ve lost a good amount of weight but only get noticed by the guys I would not want to date. I get envious because here I am trying to make myself look better and only get noticed by ugly guys. I’m thinner and still never get approached by my kind of guy, here there are fat/ugly women that meet their dream man. What’s wrong with me? I don’t think I’m too picky but am selective to a normal degree. Am I not having results because I’m using the dating apps? I get complimented on my appearance but have yet to meet a good guy. I do not message the guys first, I get messages from men but it doesn’t work out either way. Am I the problem or is it because I don’t approach the guys first?
I have had relationships with fine "ugly" men who treated me like a queen. A good relationship is not about how attractive he is, but how he treats you. Be reminded that when we exhibit shallow vibes, that is what we get.
Human attraction psychology dictates that we are attracted to only what isn't attracted to us, most of the time. Very occasionally there will be equal status and therefore equal attraction, but I hold that to be rarer and I won't address that situation from here on out.
You are attracted to men that aren't attracted to you, and men are attracted to you who you aren't attracted to.
Do you generally appreciate what is in abundance in your life, like air, or what is in short supply and that you need? Like air if it were gone?
Now assume that the parallel exists for attention / attraction.
Physically unattractive men use this psychological "flaw" to their advantage all of the time (flaw is in quotes because it is more of a genetic fitness filter).
They simply pay less attention to attractive women than the women expect to be receiving from them based on prior assumed status of the man, or they treat them in a slightly less interested manner than is expected. All of a sudden the attention is in short supply, and the man becomes more attractive and higher status in the woman's mind.
This type of behavior is essentially a pillar of higher social status male behavior. So, the attraction is real based on the communicated higher status. Its just a matter if the status is real or if the guy is consciously exploiting this psychological flaw. Its usually a mix of both because higher status guys will both find this behavior easy and be aware of how it works.
Women are lucky in that while physical attraction is important, there is much more room for personality facilitated attraction. For example, would a low status and boring yet physically symmetrical guy be attractive to most women? Not so much after she observed him fail in a social situation. The same isn't true for men and women in the inverse situation.
The message is this:
If you are a woman with baseline physical symmetry, as you imply given the attraction of lesser status men to you, and are reasonably normal in terms of your personality then eventually one of these 'unattractive" guys will become attractive to you because he will show a more high status personality. That can be expressed in any number of ways and so I can't comment on exactly what that will look like. But you'll know it when you feel it. And you'll be happy.
Caveat:
Some less attractive women are wildly insecure to the point that social validation matters more than how a man makes them feel. In other words, the crowd's perception of her ability to have the man choose her (even just for sex) is more important to her than her happiness when she's with the man alone.
For those women, getting a classically handsome man is important but almost 100% of the time those guys will be out of her league (one contribution to the lifelong insecurity, along with rejection by other men). So they get used a lot. One common description for these women, which men employ, is "6's acting like 9's". Which refers to the phenomenon of a woman feeling entitled to a top tier man even when she isn't in his league of attractiveness and often not in personality. It also refers to the fact that better looking women are often easier to attract and date than these "6's", because the better looking women are less insecure and aren't heckbent on wider social validation of their dating choices.
For these women, the man's personality will be less important than it is for less insecure women.
That's not a comment on the OP. The last bit of commentary is just to complete my general thoughts on the matter.
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