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Hi , I'm karen. I'm a 55 year old mom to 6 children ages 13-30.
Been married almost 32 years. We dated 7 years before we got married.
I am very unhappy in my marriage. I choose to be a stay at home mom shortly after my 1st child was born, 30 years ago.
5 more children followed. I loved being home with my children.
But unfortunately it made me totally dependent financially on my spouse.
Things were fine for the 1st half of the marriage.
When the kids were young. But as they got older , things changed in our marriage .
I felt I needed some time to myself and began practicing self care.
Taking breaks away from everyday life every now and again.
I really needed to do this for my mental and emotional well being.
I became more independent in my thinking and my beliefs.
In previous years, I just believed what my spouse believed and didnt really think for myself.
I started doing things for me , things I enjoyed, things I liked to do.
I really think my spouse perceived this as a threat and he wasnt liking the changes in me.
I didnt make these changes to be selfish , I made these changes because I had to. I was drowning by not doing anything for myself, by myself etc.
Anyway, he started becoming verbally and emotionally abusive often times. He became very condescending, belittling, talking down to me, being hurtful. He would do and say things intentionally to upset me. It's like it thrilled him to see me " react ".
Life became so unhappy for me anytime I was in his presence.
My kids are my life and my purpose but I also gained a great supportive group of friends , whom I can count on , which he doesnt like either.
Financially dependent on him so I stay in this unhappy, lifeless marriage. But my kids and friends get me thru.
I'd just like to talk to other women who can relate to the way I'm feeling
Thanks
Karen
This isn't a chat room although it appears to function like one. It's a forum. Are you looking for more ways to feel connected or are you looking for tips on how to support yourself even if part time? Your youngest is 13 so he/she probably still needs a lot of help and guidance with homework and meals etc. Have your oldest ones left home?
Your marriage is abusive and you should be leaving this person but I don't know what your circumstances are aside from not being able to support yourself. If you don't have the desire to leave your spouse, you are probably looking for coping techniques for abuse and how to live with abuse. It shouldn't be tolerated and I'm sorry you're stuck like this.
I hope you do realize your worth and leave. Stay with family if you have family or look to getting some work and support yourself.
Other options may be to go for marriage counselling together and see whether he is open to that.
Coping techniques would be ideal.
I need to learn ways to not react to his triggers and ways to deal with his nastiness and lack of support.
I'm looking to connect with others who are dealing with similar circumstances.
Go to this website: The Nation's Leading Grassroots Voice on Domestic Violence. It is dedicated to helping those who are experiencing domestic violence. I suggest that you call them ASAP. Violence does not have to be physical; emotional abuse can be just as bad and in many cases, far worse. I hope, hope, hope that you can get out of this situation. Do you have family or friends who would be willing to help, if needed?
This isn't a chat room although it appears to function like one. It's a forum. Are you looking for more ways to feel connected or are you looking for tips on how to support yourself even if part time? Your youngest is 13 so he/she probably still needs a lot of help and guidance with homework and meals etc. Have your oldest ones left home?
Your marriage is abusive and you should be leaving this person but I don't know what your circumstances are aside from not being able to support yourself. If you don't have the desire to leave your spouse, you are probably looking for coping techniques for abuse and how to live with abuse. It shouldn't be tolerated and I'm sorry you're stuck like this.
I hope you do realize your worth and leave. Stay with family if you have family or look to getting some work and support yourself.
Other options may be to go for marriage counselling together and see whether he is open to that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoesJava
Go to this website: The Nation's Leading Grassroots Voice on Domestic Violence. It is dedicated to helping those who are experiencing domestic violence. I suggest that you call them ASAP. Violence does not have to be physical; emotional abuse can be just as bad and in many cases, far worse. I hope, hope, hope that you can get out of this situation. Do you have family or friends who would be willing to help, if needed?
These are two excellent posts, and they say it all. OP, please do seek professional help with your situation. We wish you well.
Female members, feel free to DM the OP if you wish to chat with her about your experiences and hers. Thank you.
Thread closed.
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