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No it was not going great. Once a week meet up and texting every few days? No, it was not going great. I did not have read more than the first 3 lines and knew this was not leading anywhere.
If a guy is really interested in you, he will try to see you as often as he can and texts you every day.
Be it if you are right or wrong, I suppose doesn't matter anymore.
Although I could disagree at certain points. At the time I mentioned to him I was planning on going to Miami for a month in January and working from there. He asked if he could join me, that it would be cool to go to Miami for a month (as he could work remotely too). I told him that we weren't quite there yet, but if we were something more serious by then, I would be open to it (he said this on our third date so I had to push back). I didn't mention that I was thinking of moving to Miami, rather as I was going to escape winter in our current city during pandemic times. Just to clarify the Miami move is not 100%, again if I meeting someone that I seriously date here in my current city, I would hold off on the move. But if still singly by May, then Miami it is in September 2021.
The night before my trip, a hiking trip, he gave me heaps of trail mix, a book to read and wanted to lend me his camping bag (I declined, was too big). He was very interested and supportive of what I was doing. While on my trip he was sending me pictures of his home project he was working on and what not.
He definitely acted interested in me, a month ago at least. Maybe he wasn't and was just acting. I don't think you would do those things or say those things if you weren't interested in the person. However, doesn't mean he didn't lose interest. Perhaps the two weeks of us traveling apart, made him lose interest. Maybe in the beginning he did like me and as he got to know me liked me less. Only person that knows is him and it's a moot point now.
To your point, a guy that I am just getting to know who is constantly texting me and wanting to see me more than once a week in the first month would be such a turn off and suffocating. I actually liked that we only spoke every few days and saw each other once a week. To me that is more sustainable and healthy.
Last edited by thinkertinker; 10-01-2020 at 04:52 PM..
No it was not going great. Once a week meet up and texting every few days? No, it was not going great. I did not have read more than the first 3 lines and knew this was not leading anywhere.
If a guy is really interested in you, he will try to see you as often as he can and texts you every day.
If it were a relationship, I'd agree with > 1x a week. But they've only gone out 5 times. Once a week seems perfectly reasonable, especially if he doesn't live nearby. Will agree that only texting a couple times a week is less normal, though.
At any rate, OP, I agree with your assessment - he probably got bored without seeing you for so long. Not everyone will be like that, but he was.
Unless you're dying to read the book, I'd suggest returning it to him ASAP, though. If he lives nearby, just text him and ask if you can stop by for a minute to return his book.
I have been dating a guy since the last week of July, and we had a cadence where we were seeing each other every week (at least in August). It was going great and we would text every few days. I then went on week long trip the first week of September, and then he was out of town the week after I came back. But throughout our trips we texted each other as normal. We have gone on about 5 dates so far.
Once he got back I told him we should set a date to meet up. However, that week was also my birthday week, so I was only open Tuesday and Thursday and booked the rest of the week as friends were taking me out or I had family commitments for my bday. I told him if Tuesday or Thursday didn't work I could work something out. He said it was fine no rush that we could do next week and he was looking forward to seeing me and wanted to hear all about my trip.
A few days later, I texted him to set a date for the next week. I proposed Friday to him via text, which he then took three days to respond to. In his response he told me that, that weekend would not be good but that he would let me know if anything changed and didn't propose alternative dates. He then proceeded to send me pictures of plants that he bought (I am obsessed with plants and have a ton at home a hobby he knows about). I congratulated him on his plant purchases and I told him I was available during the week too if the weekend didn't work for him. He hasn't responded to me since and that was now close to a week ago.
My assumption is he has lost interest so I am not going to reach out to him anymore. Sounds about right on my end or am I overreacting?
When you came back from the trip and you didn't make the effort to meet up with him because your friends and family and everyone else were more important to you to see and spend time with, that would make me think if I was dating you, that I wasn't very important to you and if you valued our relationship so lightly so should I.
If a woman did this to me, I would think this isn't a serious relationship and I would move on. I think he has moved on and quite honestly so should you.
I do have his address. But you are right, it might seem like an attempt at something or desperation for attention if I mail it.
I will just hold on to it for a few months, and if he asks for it, I will leave it in my mailbox for him to pick up. If after a few months he doesn't ask for it or anything like that I will just donate it or give it away. I am a bit of minimalist so I try to minimize what I have lying around in my apartment and this book is not one of those desired things.
At the end of the day it's just a book, so he can always buy a new one if he wants it back if I already donated it. Most books aren't that expensive.
I see no reason you can't just text him again: "Hey, do you want your book back?" But I'd do it immediately-- I'm thinking you should give up on plans for reading it unless you can do it before he responds to you and makes plans to get it back. If done immediately, I don't think it would come across as needy or desperate or grasping-- more like, you're accepting that it's done.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkertinker
He asked if he could join me, that it would be cool to go to Miami for a month (as he could work remotely too).
Okay, that sounds odd. He said it would be cool to go to Miami for a month, not that it would be cool to hang out with you for a month? I mean, maybe it was simply awkward wording on his part, but it sounds like he wants to go for an excuse to be in Miami (possibly for cheaper than if he went on his own), not because he wants to *be in Miami with you.*
Why don't you just ask him whether or not he decided not to see you again? What are people so afraid of?
As for the book, a loan is a loan. Value has nothing to do with it. I would return it with a thank you. Why care if he thinks you are seeking more? If you and he aren't going to see each other again it doesn't matter what he thinks.
I have been dating a guy since the last week of July, and we had a cadence where we were seeing each other every week (at least in August). It was going great and we would text every few days. I then went on week long trip the first week of September, and then he was out of town the week after I came back. But throughout our trips we texted each other as normal. We have gone on about 5 dates so far.
Once he got back I told him we should set a date to meet up. However, that week was also my birthday week, so I was only open Tuesday and Thursday and booked the rest of the week as friends were taking me out or I had family commitments for my bday. I told him if Tuesday or Thursday didn't work I could work something out. He said it was fine no rush that we could do next week and he was looking forward to seeing me and wanted to hear all about my trip.
A few days later, I texted him to set a date for the next week. I proposed Friday to him via text, which he then took three days to respond to. In his response he told me that, that weekend would not be good but that he would let me know if anything changed and didn't propose alternative dates. He then proceeded to send me pictures of plants that he bought (I am obsessed with plants and have a ton at home a hobby he knows about). I congratulated him on his plant purchases and I told him I was available during the week too if the weekend didn't work for him. He hasn't responded to me since and that was now close to a week ago.
My assumption is he has lost interest so I am not going to reach out to him anymore. Sounds about right on my end or am I overreacting?
i want to point this out. He said fine, no rush, next week ok. He was either untruthful or after saying that he then changed his mind about wanting to see you any more. But what he didn't do was be a MAN and tell you personally it wasn't working for him, and to thank you for time and attention you gave him.
If you date someone and then want to stop, be honest and tell the other as one person to another, with dignity and respect, and don't ignore what you had going as if it never happened.
That said. If you are exchanging texts and not calling, it's POSSIBLE he didn't get your texts because texting is not foolproof. There is that slim chance.
When you came back from the trip and you didn't make the effort to meet up with him because your friends and family and everyone else were more important to you to see and spend time with, that would make me think if I was dating you, that I wasn't very important to you and if you valued our relationship so lightly so should I.
If a woman did this to me, I would think this isn't a serious relationship and I would move on. I think he has moved on and quite honestly so should you.
First, I was already booked that week and it's not like I left him hanging. I gave him some options that week (while limited) and suggested dates the following week as it would be better. And he said that was fine.
Second, you are damn right I prioritized my friends and family that week. Many of those friends I hadn't seen in months, and they wanted take me out for my birthday. And my family is my top priority as of now. Him and I are NOT in a relationship, we had only gone on five dates.
So you are correct, he was NOT that important to me, but that's also because I only knew the guy for 1.5 months.
If a guy told me "Hey I have a lot going on with my friends and family this week can we do next Monday instead?", I would respect that so much. Because that tells me he isn't needy and has a life of his own.
It's about balance. You could be right and maybe he was feeling what you are saying, but if that's the case then we aren't a match, because someone that I have only known 5 weeks will not come before my friends who I have known for years, some of them decades, or family who is the upmost important to me.
Now if we were 6 months and in a real relationship? Yes, I will prioritize him more over family and friends. But IMO we were nowhere near that point yet.
I see no reason you can't just text him again: "Hey, do you want your book back?" But I'd do it immediately-- I'm thinking you should give up on plans for reading it unless you can do it before he responds to you and makes plans to get it back. If done immediately, I don't think it would come across as needy or desperate or grasping-- more like, you're accepting that it's done.
Okay, that sounds odd. He said it would be cool to go to Miami for a month, not that it would be cool to hang out with you for a month? I mean, maybe it was simply awkward wording on his part, but it sounds like he wants to go for an excuse to be in Miami (possibly for cheaper than if he went on his own), not because he wants to *be in Miami with you.*
TBH I really don't remember the exact wording (too many margaritas that night ). But basically he wanted to join me on my trip. Although he asked if it could be December instead of January as his job only confirmed that he could work remotely until end of December, even though he believes it will be extended to mid 2021. That's when I pushed back and said my plan was January and if we got more serious we could discuss that month long trip more down the road. Again this was only on our third date he said that, and I felt that was way too soon to discuss that.
Heck, some of my closest friends I wouldn't do a month-long trip to Miami, so definitely not with someone I don't really know.
One thing I should point out - I've been having a lot of glitches with my phone lately where it does not notify me when someone has texted me. It doesn't even show up as unread. When that happens, the only way I can find out that someone texted me is by checking my conversation history with that person. I have an Android phone, BTW.
And a girl I'm talking to (also using an Android phone) has been having the same issue, so we now chat on FB messenger instead of text msg. Much more reliable.
Just pointing this out because it's possible he's experiencing the same issue and doesn't even realize you're messaging him.
i want to point this out. He said fine, no rush, next week ok. He was either untruthful or after saying that he then changed his mind about wanting to see you any more. But what he didn't do was be a MAN and tell you personally it wasn't working for him, and to thank you for time and attention you gave him.
If you date someone and then want to stop, be honest and tell the other as one person to another, with dignity and respect, and don't ignore what you had going as if it never happened.
That said. If you are exchanging texts and not calling, it's POSSIBLE he didn't get your texts because texting is not foolproof. There is that slim chance.
I don't think it's that. I think for whatever reason he just lost interest. Before my trip when we would text he would respond within a couple of hours.
Since the trip his response time has been terrible, taking him days to respond. So I think he might be dragging it out for whatever reason. Technically he hasn't ghosted me (well at least not yet), but is really dragging out the time in his responses.
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). But basically he wanted to join me on my trip. Although he asked if it could be December instead of January as his job only confirmed that he could work remotely until end of December, even though he believes it will be extended to mid 2021. That's when I pushed back and said my plan was January and if we got more serious we could discuss that month long trip more down the road. Again this was only on our third date he said that, and I felt that was way too soon to discuss that. 
