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I am 68 and my longterm boyfriend died 3 years ago. Since then I had a 6 month relationship that ended because of the pandemic. He was in love with me, and I liked him but not enough to have sex. So he was not happy about that, and anyway it's over.
Then, during the pandemic, I was fine with being alone and working on my projects. I am retired and my hobby is music. I was not looking for romance. However I happened to meet this guy Larry on facebook. He wrote to me first, something related to music. We've had a couple other long text conversations, and one long phone conversation.
Larry has told me his life story, but doesn't ask about me. That's ok, I don't really like talking about myself that much. I don't know if it means he isn't interested in me, or if he's just like that.
In the course of all this, I got to like Larry, a whole lot. This has been unusal for me, because I don't ever fall for someone that fast. But I watched his youtube videos and got to see what he's like.
I decided to tell Larry how I feel, if nothing else to get it off my mind because I was becoming obsessed. He said he has not had a relationship in decades (divorced), and now he thinks he is too old (71). He said maybe we will end up drifting into something, but does not sound enthusiastic.
So I feel like I should try to stop thinking about him, and I shouldn't call him, and just see if he calls me. I told him I would like it if he calls, anytime.
I was happier before I fell in love with Larry, but now I keep thinking about him. But I am trying to not be too hopeful. He is afraid of covid and if we get together, it would have to be after getting vaxxed.
Does this sound hopeful at all? I mean, either way I'm ok because I don't need a relationship. I was surprised how fast I fell in love and started daydreaming and obsessiing. I sort of feel like I'm possessed. I guess it's better that I told him, and got that out of the way. It's up to him now, nothing I can do.
HELP. Please, if you know how these things normally go. I was in a very longterm relationship, and this kind of thing is not familiar to me.
Well...I think it's kind of delicious. You met a guy that you really like. Isn't it nice that at our age, these things are still possible? Granted, I'm a married woman, but it seems like having a little spice like that isn't a bad thing. IF it were me, I don't think I would've told the guy how I felt...but that's water under the bridge.
Is there anything hopeful? Maybe...but if so, I think you need to pull back. Let him ponder on if you're worth it or not, and you take the mindset that your life is going swimmingly, with or without him in it.
I do think the signals he's giving seem to indicate an "arms length" mindset.
I would say first, and foremost, you are not in love with him, you don't know him, at all. People's online persona can be much different in person. You could totally dislike him in person.
If he thinks he is too old for a relationship, I would believe him. BUT, it looks like he is trying to keep you on the hook with a tepid "maybe we will drift into something." If you find ambivalence sexy, then he is a stud.
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I would say first, and foremost, you are not in love with him, you don't know him, at all. People's online persona can be much different in person. You could totally dislike him in person.
If he thinks he is too old for a relationship, I would believe him. BUT, it looks like he is trying to keep you on the hook with a tepid "maybe we will drift into something." If you find ambivalence sexy, then he is a stud.
He started the whole thing, and has been talking about sex (among other things) from the beginning. Normally I would find that obnoxious, but I didn't mind it from him. I even got into it a little.
Like so many of the old guys, his health is not good, and he is worried about not being so good in bed. I told him that doesn't matter to me (it doesn't). But he's probably afraid of failure in that department.
And yes I know maybe i wouldn't love him as much in real life. He had told me at the beginning we would find out if we have chemistry when we meet.
I don't know why I fell so fast. I really was not looking for this. Most guys don't interest me, even if they're single.
Well...I think it's kind of delicious. You met a guy that you really like. Isn't it nice that at our age, these things are still possible? Granted, I'm a married woman, but it seems like having a little spice like that isn't a bad thing. IF it were me, I don't think I would've told the guy how I felt...but that's water under the bridge.
Is there anything hopeful? Maybe...but if so, I think you need to pull back. Let him ponder on if you're worth it or not, and you take the mindset that your life is going swimmingly, with or without him in it.
I do think the signals he's giving seem to indicate an "arms length" mindset.
It is kind of fun, but when I start obsessing and worrying, it isn't fun.
I kept telling myself I shouldn't let him know how I feel. But then I thought maybe it would help me to stop obsessing if I just got it over with. I didn't say "I love you." But I made it very clear that I would gladly jump right in bed with him. And I am NOT like that AT ALL. I surprised myself.
I gave him lots of compliments, told him he's cute, that I love his sense of humor, that he's a really good musician. Any chance I got, I gave him a compliment. But he didn't compliment me back. So that's a bad sign, I think.
He started the whole thing, and has been talking about sex (among other things) from the beginning. Normally I would find that obnoxious, but I didn't mind it from him. I even got into it a little.
Like so many of the old guys, his health is not good, and he is worried about not being so good in bed. I told him that doesn't matter to me (it doesn't). But he's probably afraid of failure in that department.
And yes I know maybe i wouldn't love him as much in real life. He had told me at the beginning we would find out if we have chemistry when we meet.
I don't know why I fell so fast. I really was not looking for this. Most guys don't interest me, even if they're single.
You might not have minded, but it shows you where his mindset is. Confused.
Starts sexual stuff that he is not sure he can follow through with. I find that odd.
Why haven't you met yet? You could easily meet, with masks, for a hike or something.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
It is kind of fun, but when I start obsessing and worrying, it isn't fun.
I kept telling myself I shouldn't let him know how I feel. But then I thought maybe it would help me to stop obsessing if I just got it over with. I didn't say "I love you." But I made it very clear that I would gladly jump right in bed with him. And I am NOT like that AT ALL. I surprised myself.
I gave him lots of compliments, told him he's cute, that I love his sense of humor, that he's a really good musician. Any chance I got, I gave him a compliment. But he didn't compliment me back. So that's a bad sign, I think.
Yeah...I guess I'd take that as a red flag, at least. It kind of sounds like he's used to groupies, and he thinks of you like he thinks of groupies. (Maybe that's just where my mind goes because he's musician.)
I am 68 and my longterm boyfriend died 3 years ago. Since then I had a 6 month relationship that ended because of the pandemic. He was in love with me, and I liked him but not enough to have sex. So he was not happy about that, and anyway it's over.
Then, during the pandemic, I was fine with being alone and working on my projects. I am retired and my hobby is music. I was not looking for romance. However I happened to meet this guy Larry on facebook. He wrote to me first, something related to music. We've had a couple other long text conversations, and one long phone conversation.
Larry has told me his life story, but doesn't ask about me. That's ok, I don't really like talking about myself that much. I don't know if it means he isn't interested in me, or if he's just like that.
In the course of all this, I got to like Larry, a whole lot. This has been unusal for me, because I don't ever fall for someone that fast. But I watched his youtube videos and got to see what he's like.
I decided to tell Larry how I feel, if nothing else to get it off my mind because I was becoming obsessed. He said he has not had a relationship in decades (divorced), and now he thinks he is too old (71). He said maybe we will end up drifting into something, but does not sound enthusiastic.
So I feel like I should try to stop thinking about him, and I shouldn't call him, and just see if he calls me. I told him I would like it if he calls, anytime.
I was happier before I fell in love with Larry, but now I keep thinking about him. But I am trying to not be too hopeful. He is afraid of covid and if we get together, it would have to be after getting vaxxed.
Does this sound hopeful at all? I mean, either way I'm ok because I don't need a relationship. I was surprised how fast I fell in love and started daydreaming and obsessiing. I sort of feel like I'm possessed. I guess it's better that I told him, and got that out of the way. It's up to him now, nothing I can do.
HELP. Please, if you know how these things normally go. I was in a very longterm relationship, and this kind of thing is not familiar to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Good4Nothin
He started the whole thing, and has been talking about sex (among other things) from the beginning. Normally I would find that obnoxious, but I didn't mind it from him. I even got into it a little.
Like so many of the old guys, his health is not good, and he is worried about not being so good in bed. I told him that doesn't matter to me (it doesn't). But he's probably afraid of failure in that department.
And yes I know maybe i wouldn't love him as much in real life. He had told me at the beginning we would find out if we have chemistry when we meet.
I don't know why I fell so fast. I really was not looking for this. Most guys don't interest me, even if they're single.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Good4Nothin
It is kind of fun, but when I start obsessing and worrying, it isn't fun.
I kept telling myself I shouldn't let him know how I feel. But then I thought maybe it would help me to stop obsessing if I just got it over with. I didn't say "I love you." But I made it very clear that I would gladly jump right in bed with him. And I am NOT like that AT ALL. I surprised myself.
I gave him lots of compliments, told him he's cute, that I love his sense of humor, that he's a really good musician. Any chance I got, I gave him a compliment. But he didn't compliment me back. So that's a bad sign, I think.
The guy is older and he hasn't been in a relationship in decades. I suspect this guy likes you, but is just feeling really insecure about things getting sexual.
As men get older, our plumbing doesn't work like it did when we were younger both because of age (and declining testosterone levels) but also possibly because some of the side effects of meds that he may be taking for other health problems.
This guy hasn't been in a relationship in decades. He keeps talking to you because he likes you. But he likely remembers how his body used to function in contrast to how it works now and that might make him feel fairly insecure about how well he will perform now. Again he hasn't dated in decades.
But good sex is just sex that you both enjoy. If his equipment isn't working, there are ED meds that might be helpful and there are also just other ways for the two of you to enjoy sex. But if you made it clear you are willing to work with him through these issues and that you aren't going to shame him if his body doesn't work like it did when he was 19, I think you could get him out of his head for him to relax and be vulnerable enough to be sexual.
You might not have minded, but it shows you where his mindset is. Confused.
Starts sexual stuff that he is not sure he can follow through with. I find that odd.
Why haven't you met yet? You could easily meet, with masks, for a hike or something.
The guy is 71. He hasn't dated in decades. He likely has sexual feelings but he may not be sure that his body will work like it did when he was younger.
I don't see his behavior as odd, I see it as age appropriate for his age, but he may have dated someone like you, who shamed him for his equipment not working and now he is insecure about performance issues, which is why he stopped dating. Think about all of the erectile dysfunction ads on tv. Its a fairly commonn issue for older men.
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