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I met this amazing guy online and went on 4 dates with him over the course of 3 weeks. There is incredible chemistry between us which I think is mutual because this is how it feels and also because he says so...However, I’m starting to think that he actually doesn’t like me as much as I hope he does because he almost never texts between dates and leaves me on delivered or read for days when I text. I will not see him again until a week from now and I’m pretty sure he will just text right before we are about to meet.
We talk for many hours during the dates and he shared about his very difficult childhood last time and the relationship problems he has had as a result. He said he is going to therapy and willing to work on these issues.
Would you consider the lack of communication between dates acceptable? He is older than me, in his 40s and very busy and maybe he wants to take things slow but I don’t want to be naive about the situation...
Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated!
I personally don't like texting. I can't make myself abbreviate (I'm a stickler for correct spelling) and I don't like typing on the tiny keyboard. I also don't like the urgency- if someone texts me I feel like I have to respond RIGHT NOW.
I've been dating a very nice guy for over 2 years and we never text. We e-mail at least daily- that's how we are. For my side, it lets me collect my thoughts, select the best words, and compose longer messages. Topics include what I've done during the day, something interesting I read, something I learned in a podcast. No way I'd text all that. It works for the two of us.
I agree with MrRational- how do you feel about communication overall? Is the problem that he won't text or that you don't get enough communication from him in total? And sometimes there's just a mismatch. The guy I'm dating ended a previous relationship because she wanted to talk on the phone at least daily. He wasn't into that and neither am I.
Next time that you see one another, tell him how you're feeling; that you feel as though you've been "put up on a shelf" between meetups. If he doesn't make an effort to meet you halfway with this issue, he's either not the man for you (chemistry isn't a solid enough base for an entire relationship) or, as another poster surmised, there's a very good chance that he's married.
OP, honestly, I don't see how the lack of texting is relevant. Pay attention to what/how he communicates when he's with you. It seems, that he's sending positive signals when you're with him. Isn't that what matters? does he call you to talk, ever? You know, by phone, the "old-fashioned" way? Is he interested in you as a person: in what makes you tick, your interests and goals in life, etc.? IOW, does he actually listen to you, and respond with interest, or does he tend more to be all about him, like some guys?
You need to figure out what's truly important, what criteria to measure a budding relationship by. Hint: texting isn't one of the top metrics to use.
Not everyone is a textaholic. You also are sounding a little needy.
Now that I went back and looked at the O.P.'s posting history where she revealed that she was in her early thirties back in 2012, which now makes her in her late thirties to early forties, I now tend to agree with you and a few others on this assessment. It's only been a handful of dates in as many weeks so far, so playing things cool and just slowing her roll might be the way to go.
I was willing to give the O.P. the "oh, she's young and used to communicating with texting and emojis rather than via occasional phone calls" pass given that my first impression that there was a large age difference between her and the man in question.
Now that that it's clear that the two parties concerned are in the same age cohort, it's either that she's not clearly relayed to this man her preferred communication style, he goes fully radio silent on all fronts (email/phone/text/smoke signals) between dates, or he's partnered. Like many things in relationships, this could easily be resolved via clear communication next time the O.P. and this man see one another.
Here's the thing, though: it seems as though lack of texting communication could prove to be the least of the O.P.'s problems with this guy. While I know that everyone has and has had their problems and struggles in life, when a person reveals too much, too soon such as the O.P.'s love interest, it often does not bode well for the relationship. "Amazing guy...relationships problems in the past....willing to work on those issues..." goes incommunicado when it suits...
Do the two of you email, message in other ways other than texting, or talk on the phone every so often, O.P.?
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