Husband buying 25k car for someone else (boyfriends, how to, marriage)
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Hello everyone, I just need some different opinions. I feel upset that my husband wants to buy his grandmother a car in his name for 25k. Am I overreacting? I don’t feel we are in a position to do that. My reasons are 1.) we have 4 kids of our own and due to the pandemic he is the only one still working 2.) we were supposed to purchase a home this year but we are not because we don’t qualify for what we are looking for 3.) we have never financed a car EVER. We are not broke, we have a decent savings account a little over 80k. My issue is why does she need an expensive car like that? Before you guys say I sound bitter or jealous or whatever term you are thinking my husband owns 2 used car dealerships in CA. Originally he said he would get her one for 8-10k seeing as how he has access to private dealerships and gets cars for better rates. I don’t have an issue with him getting her a car but the price is ridiculous. He came home and said he is just going to flat out finance it and pay the insurance. When he said that I completely shut down, he asked me how did I feel and I said I feel you need to get her something cheaper that is a lot of money. His reason for doing it is life is too short. I absolutely agree, when he said that I didn’t know what else to say.
His grandmother is in her 60’s and I’ve been around the lady for 10 years. She has a much nicer house then ours and she has lots of kids and grandkids but for some reason she is always begging my husband for stuff and it rubs me the wrong way, for her birthday she always asks for money, and she asks him for money on a lot of other occasions. How should I handle this? It’s his grandma so I don’t want to come off any type of way but truth is I’m very upset. She makes about 3k monthly. I’ll never forget a few years ago when I was working we needed her to babysit. That’s what she does she gets paid to watch kids. At the time I was only making $2400 and she wanted $200 weekly for babysitting. She would down talk us to other family & complain that we weren’t paying her enough to babysit, I eventually quit that job due to babysitting issues. She is just greedy and always has her hand out & expects people to take care of her. My thing is she has 8 children and 14 grandkids. I suggested to my husband “ why don’t you ask everyone to pitch in? Put in what they can for birthday it’s 3 months away I’m sure between all of you guys everyone can put in something? He said no, they wouldn’t want to do that and shut the idea down. Not sure how to go about this
Apparently he loves his grandmother. She will probably be living with you when she can no longer take care of herself.
It does not look like your husband takes your concerns very seriously, and there is a definite power imbalance. Perhaps he doesn't desire to buy a home as much as you do. If the two of you are saving for that, and if there is any plan to send children to college, he should find her a decent used car for less. He certainly shouldn't be buying a car he needs to finance, and she should be paying for her own insurance. I assume you are not needed to sign for the loan.
Do you love your husband? Is it just this thing with the grandmother that is the issue? Because if you aren't happy in the marriage you could consider this the final nail in the coffin.
Apparently he loves his grandmother. She will probably be living with you when she can no longer take care of herself.
It does not look like your husband takes your concerns very seriously, and there is a definite power imbalance. Perhaps he doesn't desire to buy a home as much as you do. If the two of you are saving for that, and if there is any plan to send children to college, he should find her a decent used car for less. He certainly shouldn't be buying a car he needs to finance, and she should be paying for her own insurance. I assume you are not needed to sign for the loan.
Do you love your husband? Is it just this thing with the grandmother that is the issue? Because if you aren't happy in the marriage you could consider this the final nail in the coffin.
Great points.
Heck. I'm in my 60s, too. I can't even imagine begging a family member for a car or for financial help for non-essential wants and desires. Even, with my severe health issues, I would get a job to pay for it myself. Of course, if it was a medical issue, for example, Grandma needs helps paying for medicine or proper medical care, that is a different situation. Or maybe the entire family sharing the cost of a car for a needy parent/grandparent. But, begging one grandchild to finance a $25,000 car on their own, taking food out of the mouths of their own family. Hell, No.
I am so glad you guys chimed in as I am at a total loss for words.
The OP asked how she should go about this as in what should she do?
I have NO idea. I would be livid after he shut down the idea of asking whole family to chip in and refused to look for a cheaper car. That is just...Idk...odd on his part. I need more help understanding his background....like was he raised by his grandmother?
I am so glad you guys chimed in as I am at a total loss for words.
The OP asked how she should go about this as in what should she do?
I have NO idea. I would be livid after he shut down the idea of asking whole family to chip in and refused to look for a cheaper car. That is just...Idk...odd on his part. I need more help understanding his background....like was he raised by his grandmother?
I was absolutely livid it could have went one of two way, if I didn’t shut down I would have got annoyed and hostile and it would have caused a huge argument, it somewhat did cause an issue he went to bed without saying goodnight to me, he obviously sensed I was upset. To answer your question, yes his grandmother helped raise him he didn’t get along with his moms boyfriends growing up as a result his grandmas house was his freedom home. She let him come and go as he pleased and let him do whatever. I’m asking what should I do as in what should be my approach? I don’t want to argue but I don’t know how to express to him that he needs to either ask for help paying for the car or get her something cheaper. My husband is the type of guy that once his mind is made up that’s what it is. Knowing that I feel helpless I know he loves his grandma who am I to come between that it’s just a lot to deal with
Apparently he loves his grandmother. She will probably be living with you when she can no longer take care of herself.
It does not look like your husband takes your concerns very seriously, and there is a definite power imbalance. Perhaps he doesn't desire to buy a home as much as you do. If the two of you are saving for that, and if there is any plan to send children to college, he should find her a decent used car for less. He certainly shouldn't be buying a car he needs to finance, and she should be paying for her own insurance. I assume you are not needed to sign for the loan.
Do you love your husband? Is it just this thing with the grandmother that is the issue? Because if you aren't happy in the marriage you could consider this the final nail in the coffin.
Yes, he adores the women, I have no problem with that what kind of person would I be to come between the relationship of a grandmother and grandson. I feel certain lines need to be drawn. I even spoke to my sister in law, my husbands sister and she agrees that it is selfish of the grandma to ask for something so big and that she’s always been like that. I don’t like the idea of my husband slaving himself to pay such a big debt for someone else it’s insane to me. As far as purchasing a home we want to, with me not working and pulling in income it’s a little on the back burner, my income would qualify us for more. With that being said I feel his priorities are off I love my husband we are like every couple we have our issues. Nothing worth ending it over or nothing we can’t work out this is just added stress. He has a needy family everyone looks to him for help what’s next? Buy mom and aunts a car? As I mentioned he has a dealership when 3 of his sisters graduated he got them all used cars. He is so loving in that way it’s just a time and place for everything what makes her so special to get a car of that value while we are struggling? Sure he’s doing well but my feelings aren’t bein taken into consideration
I understand your anger but it seems like you guys do very well financially. Your husband has cardealerships and you can afford to be a stay at home mom for 4 kids. He only reached that success by having been raised by a good woman ... who is ... his grandma apparently.
It takes at least $25k for a reliable car. That's not even anything fancy. And it seems like his grandmother raised him, so he is thankful forever. I think you are more angry about her getting what she wants (AGAIN!) with her greediness.
How is it possible, that the grandmother is only in her 60s??? Did she have your husband when she was 16??
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