Not sure if asking much older former coworker out for coffee would be a good idea (date, sugar coating)
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I'm 40 and he's 60ish. We shared some crazy cases and had a mutual crush ages ago before I left the agency for 6 years.*There were a ton of things that made his obvious but I want to keep this short. I came back to my current job right before the pandemic and I got to catch up with him for one day before the shutdown happened. He seemed thrilled to work with me. I saw him one more time after he sped around a corner. We almost collided and froze a foot apart for what seemed like eons. Then I said excuse me and started to move again while he
simultaneously blurted out "Thanks for the email! (approving his stuff)". The way he said it sounded giddy or nervous.* I turned to look at him and he was waiting for the elevator and trying not to smile. I thought it was sexual tension especially because I caught him checking me out a few hours later. Never got to talk because clients. That was the last time I saw him.* Shutdown happened.* Our schedules never lined up again because I had to work elsewhere when he was normally there. I never had a plausible excuse to call him the my current job as a paper pusher doesn't exactly inspire conversation like my old job did. His client base never recovered and he has understandably resigned. So sad.
I never forgot him and I have this urge to try to reconnect with him since I'll never see him again. But it's been 2 years since I last saw him. Plus after several weeks of me not coming to the site after that run in incident, he started to avoid ccing me on routine things. Like my plans that I asked for. He sent to my boss instead but my co-workers still got his emails with their plans. I hope he didn't think I was purposely avoiding his site.
I wrote:
I really enjoyed working with you all these years so it's sad to see you go.* I know I haven't worked with you much in recent years, but you were one of the first people I met at XYZ when I started as a case manager way back in 2008. Thanks for being a support during some of my more challenging cases back in the day. I wish you the best and good luck
I didn't outwardly say "Here's my cell".
I ended with with "feel free to keep in touch" and my auto email signature pops up with this:
My name
Title
XYZ, Inc/ABC Dept
123 Main Street.
3rd Floor
Springfield, NY 12345 myworkemail@XYZ.org | http://www.xyz.org
T: 123-456-7890 | C: 987-654-3210
Logo with confidentiality blurb
I feel like he could have easily ignored it but he responded(echoing off my comment about first meeting him):
Garfish2013
Greetings.
It was so lovely to hear from you and thanks for the kind words. I remember meeting you and our early conversations as I was impressed with your intelligence and understanding of the work we do. I am working a lot for CBA, along with ITH, Farsack, Jindle, and LLC so our paths may (hopefully) cross again.
Best wishes,
Coworker
So he likely got the hint and has no interest right? Because he could have said "Yeah lets keep in touch" if he wanted to. Then again he's 20 years older and might feel creepy doing that and my email was dry and professional. Sooo I'm not sure if I should send a message suggesting getting coffee or consider how uncomfortable that could make him. I don't want him to regret sending the nice reply if suggesting coffee would weird him out. I know you guys can give me the harsh truth without sugar coating it
His phrase of "I remember meeting you" doesn't exactly hint at a previous mutual crush as you say happened. He responded politely and professionally, but is not encouraging any further contact.
How can you get to be your age and not feel comfortable asking someone out for coffee?
Is he single? If he's married, don't bother asking. But if he's single, just ask him out for that cup of coffee. If he declines what will happen? Your teeth fall out?
His phrase of "I remember meeting you" doesn't exactly hint at a previous mutual crush as you say happened. He responded politely and professionally, but is not encouraging any further contact.
I took that as him recalling his early impression of me in response to my "You were one of the first people I met at XYZ when I started as a case manager way back in 2008"
When we caught up that one time before the shutdown the convo was pretty typical for someone who remembered sharing cases and corresponding with me weekly for 5 years. It was like the conversation I had with other longtime co-workers when I returned except I started to see some of the flirty undertones come back the longer we spoke that day. And I def didn't get that when catching up with my old boss and other coworkers lol. But flirting doesn't mean someone wants to date me, I get it.
I have to reluctantly agree with you that he's not encouraging further contact. I said "feel free to keep in touch" and his response is basically "See you if I see you"
To be fair my email didn't exactly hint at anything either. I wrote like he was just a mentor or like I'm sad to see him go because he's one of the first people I ever met here. My friend thinks I don't sound interested in him at all. I know it doesn't matter, but out of curiosity do you agree with them or do you think in context of the situation it's probably obvious to him that I was encouraging contact?
How can you get to be your age and not feel comfortable asking someone out for coffee?
Is he single? If he's married, don't bother asking. But if he's single, just ask him out for that cup of coffee. If he declines what will happen? Your teeth fall out?
I usually have no problems with it but this is a guy way older than me who I haven't seen in two years which makes asking him out potentially uncomfortable for him. Plus I wrote "Feel free to keep in touch" with all my contact info in my signature and his response was "Hopefully we'll cross paths" That isn't exactly encouraging.
I'm 40 and he's 60ish. We shared some crazy cases and had a mutual crush ages ago before I left the agency for 6 years.*There were a ton of things that made his obvious but I want to keep this short. I came back to my current job right before the pandemic and I got to catch up with him for one day before the shutdown happened. He seemed thrilled to work with me. I saw him one more time after he sped around a corner. We almost collided and froze a foot apart for what seemed like eons. Then I said excuse me and started to move again while he
simultaneously blurted out "Thanks for the email! (approving his stuff)". The way he said it sounded giddy or nervous.* I turned to look at him and he was waiting for the elevator and trying not to smile. I thought it was sexual tension especially because I caught him checking me out a few hours later. Never got to talk because clients. That was the last time I saw him.* Shutdown happened.* Our schedules never lined up again because I had to work elsewhere when he was normally there. I never had a plausible excuse to call him the my current job as a paper pusher doesn't exactly inspire conversation like my old job did. His client base never recovered and he has understandably resigned. So sad.
I never forgot him and I have this urge to try to reconnect with him since I'll never see him again. But it's been 2 years since I last saw him. Plus after several weeks of me not coming to the site after that run in incident, he started to avoid ccing me on routine things. Like my plans that I asked for. He sent to my boss instead but my co-workers still got his emails with their plans. I hope he didn't think I was purposely avoiding his site.
I wrote:
I really enjoyed working with you all these years so it's sad to see you go.* I know I haven't worked with you much in recent years, but you were one of the first people I met at XYZ when I started as a case manager way back in 2008. Thanks for being a support during some of my more challenging cases back in the day. I wish you the best and good luck
I didn't outwardly say "Here's my cell".
I ended with with "feel free to keep in touch" and my auto email signature pops up with this:
My name
Title
XYZ, Inc/ABC Dept
123 Main Street.
3rd Floor
Springfield, NY 12345 myworkemail@XYZ.org | http://www.xyz.org
T: 123-456-7890 | C: 987-654-3210
Logo with confidentiality blurb
I feel like he could have easily ignored it but he responded(echoing off my comment about first meeting him):
Garfish2013
Greetings.
It was so lovely to hear from you and thanks for the kind words. I remember meeting you and our early conversations as I was impressed with your intelligence and understanding of the work we do. I am working a lot for CBA, along with ITH, Farsack, Jindle, and LLC so our paths may (hopefully) cross again.
Best wishes,
Coworker
So he likely got the hint and has no interest right? Because he could have said "Yeah lets keep in touch" if he wanted to. Then again he's 20 years older and might feel creepy doing that and my email was dry and professional. Sooo I'm not sure if I should send a message suggesting getting coffee or consider how uncomfortable that could make him. I don't want him to regret sending the nice reply if suggesting coffee would weird him out. I know you guys can give me the harsh truth without sugar coating it
Your email and his were both very nice and professional, but yours wasn’t a clear sign of wanting a date.
If you want to ask him out, ask him. It’s normal for former colleagues to keep in touch and a coffee meeting could be seen as just a professional way to keep a professional connection. No harm in asking him for that. But be clear about what you want: if you want to meet for coffee, say that.
Love your frequent and random use of asterisks throughout your post. Seems so familiar...
I don't know where those came from. They appeared after I hit submit but maybe it's because I wrote it on Quickmemo first and pasted it over. I do that all the time because I've had the page reload on me and delete all my progress. First time it did a weird asterisk thing..
I usually have no problems with it but this is a guy way older than me who I haven't seen in two years which makes asking him out potentially uncomfortable for him. Plus I wrote "Feel free to keep in touch" with all my contact info in my signature and his response was "Hopefully we'll cross paths" That isn't exactly encouraging.
You're an adult, he's an adult. So he's way older. My late husband was 25 years older and we got along great.
If anything, no longer being coworkers should make asking him out easier. Send a friendly email. Hey Bill, it's been a couple years since we've had an opportunity to talk. Would you like to catch up over coffee Saturday morning?
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