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I almost think that if you focus on the kids enough as a priority, you could have very little common ground in terms of hobbies/interests and make it work.
This works for a while, but unless you really have a huge family spread out over many years, the bulk of the child raising is over in less than 20 years. Which seems like a long time at the outset, but when you get to 40 or 45 and your kids are more or less grown, you realize that you are still relatively young yourself and are going to have a long time to focus on your spouse. And if you weren't that compatible to begin with, you've kicked that can down the road for quite a while but it comes back to haunt you now.
I think having kids puts more strain on a relationship. Your life is filled with "must dos", work, commuting, taking kids to doctors, feeding, playing..... You end up short on sleep, get up the next morning, wash, rinse, repeat. The wants and needs of either individual suffers. You even have TIME to discuss things.
Childless couples have the luxury to nitpick things like having different pursuits and interests. Which is not even really a problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by katharsis
Raising children is hard enough without having compatibility problems. Parents must present a united front, or the kids will pick up on it to "divide and conquer".
And to point out something else which comes up often in Relationships and Parenting forums, a big thing once one has kids if getting the spouse to help more with housework chores, which it seems many men are still reluctant to do, (not to be sexist, but judging by many posts). If a couple isn't compatible in that area before having kids, I would think that this incompatibility would be a major issue once kids enter the picture.
I agree! I remember when I was back in HS (high school). One of the elective classes I took was a Family & Home Economics type class (don't remember if that was the exact course title) & the teacher was saying that adding babies into a relationship makes things harder, which I knew & it's definintely logical. That's why it's stupid when a woman gets herself pregnant in attempts to hold a man when she thinks the relationship/marriage is going sour. (And I strongly believe that my fiance's mom did that to his dad, her cheating, controlling, loser of a husband & one of my fiance's cheating, controlling, loser brother's wife did that to him too. And surprise, surprise, both couples have been divorced.)
I'm in a relationship & we don't have kids either & probably surely won't by now. We could have way by now, but don't. We just want to travel & go a LOT of other things & w/ this pandemic, who knows when we'll get around to it now. However, I would have liked to have a pair of twins.
When you say "compatibility" that is a very vague and broad term.
You have stuff where it could be a core belief, or just a difference in hobbies.
I've known plenty of couples who like to do different things, or even work for different political parties, and they are happily married.
Others where they compromise on the time they spend doing things the other person enjoys.
Others who do everything together and they would want to be doing the same things even single.
There is no right or wrong way.
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I agree! I remember when I was back in HS (high school). One of the elective classes I took was a Family & Home Economics type class (don't remember if that was the exact course title) & the teacher was saying that adding babies into a relationship makes things harder, which I knew & it's definintely logical. That's why it's stupid when a woman gets herself pregnant in attempts to hold a man when she thinks the relationship/marriage is going sour. (And I strongly believe that my fiance's mom did that to his dad, her cheating, controlling, loser of a husband & one of my fiance's cheating, controlling, loser brother's wife did that to him too. And surprise, surprise, both couples have been divorced.)
This works for a while, but unless you really have a huge family spread out over many years, the bulk of the child raising is over in less than 20 years. Which seems like a long time at the outset, but when you get to 40 or 45 and your kids are more or less grown, you realize that you are still relatively young yourself and are going to have a long time to focus on your spouse. And if you weren't that compatible to begin with, you've kicked that can down the road for quite a while but it comes back to haunt you now.
yep I'm thinking the only reason past generations made it to "death did they part" is because people died in their late 40's to mid 50's so by the time they finished raising their kids they weren't long for this world anyway, so they might as well ride it out together.
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