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I really have never felt like this before and I’ve been in relationships and even at the end it wasn’t anything like this feeling.
We started talking on a dating app and few days later I set up a date with her (lunch) just to get acquainted and get to know each other more. When she met me, she instantly liked me and more of a shocked on how much better I was looking and what she expected (she told me this on the second date). We had some lunch, drinks, and walk around a lake. I could tell at that point she really liked me with the way she sat next to me and things we talked about and I started to get warmer to her by end of that date. She never used her phone during the state and had full on lock with eyes with me everywhere as I did too). We ended that date amazingly and I didn’t realize how much I wanted to see her again for the second date. I wasn’t really obsessed over her at that point as she was with texting me and putting hearts in almost all the texts.
Second date came just 3 days later and we did an activity roller skating and then dinner. It was fun and I got to hold her hand few times and when we took a break, she would come as close as she can right next to my shoulder. Then after dinner she wanted to sit at plazas dark spot where there not many people. We’ve talked for hours and I mean 4 hours just sitting there getting to know each other more. Only thing is she kept on asking me about any other girls and my past dates, we got into getting to know each other’s family and family dramas and by the end she was giving the signs of “are you going to kiss me” with overall body language. It sucks that I didn’t make a move there and definitely learned my lesson. We then hanged out at a parking lot and I decided to shoot for kiss but this time she put a lip gloss on right before we were leaving the plaza and she told me that she can’t kiss now. I really did not want to screw anything up as I began liking her more and more thorough out that second date.
It wasn’t until after the second date I realized how much I like her and regretting not following up on the signs she was giving me earlier. Next day she texts me she is not ready to be in a relationship because of her work she is starting and also moving to a major downtown city from a very quiet town where she grew up and we met. She just finished law school and will be working as associate attorney and telling me that she will not have time for anything serious like a relationship the first year or so and proceeding with the fact that she didn’t know that she will find someone she really liked and wanted to go to the next level with so fast but worried about her carrier just starting out. (To note, I am in grad program as well and finishing next summer). I started questioning this whole thing and thought over and over and I think she just wanted to have casual physical connection while she is slammed with work.
We agreed on staying friends and go on hikes in the future and on Tuesday which was few days after I get a job offer for a company I applied for a while ago and also in Downtown 45 minutes away and literally where she moved just last week too. I am really on the verge of telling the company I wanted to work for that I won’t take the offer as it’ll hurt me the fact of running into her often or living in such a close proximity after having spent last few days completely out of my mind thinking about her.
The problem here I’m having is I cannot get over her for some reason, yes, we talked yesterday over text, but I’ve never felt anything like this for someone I just gotten to know. I started using date apps again and I absolutely have no interest whatsoever even with 10/10 girls I match with, same applies in public. Worst part of all is our first date was near the lake I go for a run at and it brings me memories of times with her there and worst part is the old guy that sat next to us when we were eating and talked to us and how cute we both are on first date is at that spot every single day all day, so seeing him is only making it worse now too. I do go there too as I have a favorite drink place there.
I don’t know if it matters but she is Korean (grew up here) and I’m American, I even thought that maybe she talked to her friends and family about me and it’s just not something they advised or something.
For some reason all I went is a text or reply from her now a days and it’s driving me crazy. Again, we ended on good terms and became friends on social media and she liked my last post and congratulated me with something as well as other friends
My options are to cut the ties with her or stay as friends and just move on and finish my studies and just go on hikes with her (she really wants me to). Then, maybe we never know what happens as time Managment is lot longer an issue.
Again, I know I missed out and didn’t take my chance to respond to her how I feel and I surely learned from it now. But I am also grateful for her because after the “no relationship” text I started to really take care of myself and started working on things I have been delaying for a while, as well as working out a lot more. I’m not sure if it’s just me trying to impress and win her back or if it’s real me. She is having like a new place welcoming party which she invited me to but it was pushed back a little bit, but I’m not sure as I won’t know anyone there and I bet people will know about me already as she talked to her friends about me on the second date, she was so open sharing everything with me. Her family and friends are also down here where I’m at and she will most likely be coming over every weekend or two weeks as she is very family oriented. It’s like one way or another I will be seeing her because the places she goes are actually where I hang out a lot too.
I apologize for long text and honestly I wish I shared more but I think I covered most of the important stuff. I would truly appreciate any inputs on how do I get over it or just take time off and give it some time as maybe this will less to a better ending eventually.
When a woman says that she doesn’t have time, it really means she’s had a change of heart and wants to move on.
Honestly, you’ll heal quicker if you go no contact.
Pretty much this.
As always, I know that's not what the OP wants to hear, but most likely the OP will continue to pursue this in some way regardless of our opinions.
If I were the OP I wouldn't put too much into what he interpreted as the girl wanting a kiss. It seems like he's assuming that she was turned off because he didn't kiss her and became cold after. It doesn't work like that though.
Her saying she didn't want to kiss and then texting she wasn't ready for a relationship now due to her career is classic doublespeak for "I'm just not that into you." I get it that he was over the moon with her after only two dates, but that doesn't mean she truly felt that way. It's obvious he's in the friend zone.
I keep seeing this pattern over and over on this section of the forum where guys overestimate or miscalculate how much the object of their affections 'loves' them. The simplest thing to do is to ask yourself, does she act like someone that is madly in love? Or does she act like someone that is distant, vague, and friendly in a non-platonic matter?
As ellie states, if you truly want to move on, you will go no contact. That means politely declining her future hiking requests and no more chatting. And no need to open your heart to her if she asks why you no longer want to hang out or chat, that unless you two can be lovers, then you'd rather not be friends. For whatever reason, some people seem enthusiastic for one or two dates, then reality hits them that they are just not into that person. And you can't win over someone who friend zoned you, real life is not like the movies.
I suspect though the OP will not let this go. I wouldn't say it's normal or healthy to become so obsessed over a woman after only two dates, that you look at your phone every few minutes to see if she texted you, and agonizing over whether to send her a text or not. Also not normal or healthy to not want to take a desired job offer simply because of the thought of potentially running into her downtown. I can somewhat see this kind of behavioral pattern and emotions if the OP was in a committed long term relationship with this girl. But it's not, it's just two dates.
You don't know to his person and you may very well have been seeing signs that were in your imagination. If she was that into you she would have taken the lip gloss off.
You have let yourself get way too invested in her . Slow down Romeo. If she wants to see you again she'll let you know.
You're doing good in life. If it doesn't work out, no big deal, you'll find someone else to date.
Have low expectations on future dates, treat the women like a friend, and just go with the flow. No point stressing out so much over a date. Gl
Just wanted to express a huge thanks to everyone for tour thoughtful and insightful inputs!! Something happened with me today after I wrote that post and for some reason I feel relieved for the first time and actually start having interest in other women now and should have few dates coming up in the next week.
Lesson learned is that I should not be getting attached to people that quick and make a goddamn some kind of move already if you like a person and not be stubborn being the nice guy.
I truly don’t know what happened, I really feel relieved for the first time in Agee days
You barely know this woman, you've gone on a few dates with her, and you're already this deep? She's not interested in you. When someone really wants to be with you they will make the time even when they are very occupied.
I really have never felt like this before and I’ve been in relationships and even at the end it wasn’t anything like this feeling.
We started talking on a dating app and few days later I set up a date with her (lunch) just to get acquainted and get to know each other more. When she met me, she instantly liked me and more of a shocked on how much better I was looking and what she expected (she told me this on the second date). We had some lunch, drinks, and walk around a lake. I could tell at that point she really liked me with the way she sat next to me and things we talked about and I started to get warmer to her by end of that date. She never used her phone during the state and had full on lock with eyes with me everywhere as I did too). We ended that date amazingly and I didn’t realize how much I wanted to see her again for the second date. I wasn’t really obsessed over her at that point as she was with texting me and putting hearts in almost all the texts.
Second date came just 3 days later and we did an activity roller skating and then dinner. It was fun and I got to hold her hand few times and when we took a break, she would come as close as she can right next to my shoulder. Then after dinner she wanted to sit at plazas dark spot where there not many people. We’ve talked for hours and I mean 4 hours just sitting there getting to know each other more. Only thing is she kept on asking me about any other girls and my past dates, we got into getting to know each other’s family and family dramas and by the end she was giving the signs of “are you going to kiss me” with overall body language. It sucks that I didn’t make a move there and definitely learned my lesson. We then hanged out at a parking lot and I decided to shoot for kiss but this time she put a lip gloss on right before we were leaving the plaza and she told me that she can’t kiss now. I really did not want to screw anything up as I began liking her more and more thorough out that second date.
It wasn’t until after the second date I realized how much I like her and regretting not following up on the signs she was giving me earlier. Next day she texts me she is not ready to be in a relationship because of her work she is starting and also moving to a major downtown city from a very quiet town where she grew up and we met. She just finished law school and will be working as associate attorney and telling me that she will not have time for anything serious like a relationship the first year or so and proceeding with the fact that she didn’t know that she will find someone she really liked and wanted to go to the next level with so fast but worried about her carrier just starting out. (To note, I am in grad program as well and finishing next summer). I started questioning this whole thing and thought over and over and I think she just wanted to have casual physical connection while she is slammed with work.
We agreed on staying friends and go on hikes in the future and on Tuesday which was few days after I get a job offer for a company I applied for a while ago and also in Downtown 45 minutes away and literally where she moved just last week too. I am really on the verge of telling the company I wanted to work for that I won’t take the offer as it’ll hurt me the fact of running into her often or living in such a close proximity after having spent last few days completely out of my mind thinking about her.
The problem here I’m having is I cannot get over her for some reason, yes, we talked yesterday over text, but I’ve never felt anything like this for someone I just gotten to know. I started using date apps again and I absolutely have no interest whatsoever even with 10/10 girls I match with, same applies in public. Worst part of all is our first date was near the lake I go for a run at and it brings me memories of times with her there and worst part is the old guy that sat next to us when we were eating and talked to us and how cute we both are on first date is at that spot every single day all day, so seeing him is only making it worse now too. I do go there too as I have a favorite drink place there.
I don’t know if it matters but she is Korean (grew up here) and I’m American, I even thought that maybe she talked to her friends and family about me and it’s just not something they advised or something.
For some reason all I went is a text or reply from her now a days and it’s driving me crazy. Again, we ended on good terms and became friends on social media and she liked my last post and congratulated me with something as well as other friends
My options are to cut the ties with her or stay as friends and just move on and finish my studies and just go on hikes with her (she really wants me to). Then, maybe we never know what happens as time Managment is lot longer an issue.
Again, I know I missed out and didn’t take my chance to respond to her how I feel and I surely learned from it now. But I am also grateful for her because after the “no relationship” text I started to really take care of myself and started working on things I have been delaying for a while, as well as working out a lot more. I’m not sure if it’s just me trying to impress and win her back or if it’s real me. She is having like a new place welcoming party which she invited me to but it was pushed back a little bit, but I’m not sure as I won’t know anyone there and I bet people will know about me already as she talked to her friends about me on the second date, she was so open sharing everything with me. Her family and friends are also down here where I’m at and she will most likely be coming over every weekend or two weeks as she is very family oriented. It’s like one way or another I will be seeing her because the places she goes are actually where I hang out a lot too.
I apologize for long text and honestly I wish I shared more but I think I covered most of the important stuff. I would truly appreciate any inputs on how do I get over it or just take time off and give it some time as maybe this will less to a better ending eventually.
I think if you're coming off this neurotic on a message board, no telling how you're coming off to her.
Cool off, man. Stop hounding her before she gets a restraining order. Circle back in a few months.
You are better off just moving on. Her little "too late" with the lipgloss thing is extremely childish, and also strikes me as being somewhat "off" somehow. She could be a good friend, but the way you feel about her makes it impossible. You should have not contact with her and just move on. In a few months you will feel better. Just stay busy and concentrate on you and your life. Enjoy your life while you can, and enjoy each day because we are not promised tomorrow. I'm sorry you're hurting but every person in the world has suffered hurt in some way and they all get over it. You will too.
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