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It seems like it's going well. We see each other 2 times a week. Text about every other day. When we do see each other we end the night either at his place or my place and we will cuddle on the couch and sometimes he will hold my hands, interlocking fingers with me. He even fell asleep in my arms and texted me the next morning he hasn't felt this relaxed in such a long time. So we spend a lot of quality time and there is some intimacy there in the form of cuddling, however, we haven't kissed nor had sex yet. Which is okay for now because he said he wants to take it slow and I am trying to not push things on him.
I am not denying he has feelings for me. Over Thanksgiving, he sent me a Thanksgiving text and shared some photos of him and his family. He also responds lightning quick to my texts and always makes time for me and is even keeping me updated on what's going in his life, he's very consistent. I am okay with this for now, but I am starting to feel the itch to want to get more intimate. On the third date he told me he really liked me. One night while we were cuddling and watching a movie I told him he could sleep over my place, and he told me maybe he shouldn't just yet, he has an early morning. It was a moment I was left feeling that I wanted more but understood.
So I am starting to wonder how slow is too slow? Granted it's been about 1.5 months now, so thus far I am not concerned. But I am feeling a kiss or something is going to need to happen soon, within the next month or so, because I am going to start to feel like it's going nowhere. I will be going back home for two weeks for the holidays, which gives us a few more weeks to see each other. I am thinking if things don't progress more in these next four weeks and stay the same where they have been the past 1.5 month maybe we should have a talk. Not to ask for a commitment, but moreso, to see how he feels about things and if he sees this growing into something more than beyond what it's been. Also to see how he's feeling. Because I also know that I am fiercely independent and guys tend to feel I am not interested in them as much.
I am starting to get attached, and see a lot of potential, and my feelings are definitely growing for him, a lot. This guy has made me forget about another guy I was trying to get over 100%. But at the same time I want to make sure that things don't progress for the sake of being too slow. I am not questioning if he has feelings for me, rather, moreso where it is going.
You were "going to hook up" but once you met, sex was off the table? I would be truly annoyed.
Not quite. It wasn't so much we said we were going to hook up. We said let's meet up, because our online chatting went well (we connected on a hookup app). He suggested for me to come over his place and this was at an 8PM on a Sunday night. In my experience and my book, usually when you invite someone over to meet you for the first time at your place on an evening, it's usually not to go on a date but to hook up. So I kind of walked in expecting this to be a hook up.
We ended up talking at first and once we realize we had a lot in common, we just talked for like 5 hours straight at his place and we both realized we liked each other more than we thought we did. Again, I was walking in expecting to hook up, and then never see him again. Wasn't expecting to have the great conversations we were having.
So I wasn't annoyed. I'd take that over an empty forgettable hook up.
So you actually LIKED EACH OTHER more than you thought you would ... so you DIDN'T hook up (by which I assume you mean have sex -- and yeah, that's NOT obvious, as there is a TON of social science research that shows that "hook up" can mean lots of different things to different people -- which of course can be very confusing!).
(Just an aside: it's still incredibly bizarre to me that anyone would be ready to just have random sex with a total stranger and never expect to see that person again ... I don't understand HOW that ever became a norm. UGH.)
I'm confused as to why YOU haven't kissed HIM yet? Why not? You appear to be able to TALK to each other, which is gigantic (well, to me, as an old fart), so at this point I would just pick a moment and, you know, kiss him. And see where that goes.
Or just ASK HIM how he thinks things are going and when things might get a bit more physical? Is that too hard? (I'm not being sarcastic -- that's a real question.)
Okay, so you met on a sex/hookup site, expecting to have sex but instead, had a good time and really liked the guy. Makes perfect sense. That's unlikely, so if this should work out you are really lucky.
First of all, taking it slow is slow. But the reason he was on a hookup site is probably because he needed sex but he wasn't emotionally available to anyone for anything more at that time. With that being said, I would presume that he is still dealing with his breakup, but doing much better. If that's the case, I would give it a few more weeks.
In the event that he makes excuses again about not being "ready" then you need to understand (and you should have in the beginning) that when someone isn't "ready" that means their heart is still busy. If he isn't ready, then you probably need to back off and start seeing other people again. That may get him to thinking.........
If things progress on their own that would be nice too. Hope this all works out, sounds like you really hit it off well in all other areas and that's so important.
(Just an aside: it's still incredibly bizarre to me that anyone would be ready to just have random sex with a total stranger and never expect to see that person again ... I don't understand HOW that ever became a norm. UGH.)
It's a guy thing and it's been going on for millennia.
So you actually LIKED EACH OTHER more than you thought you would ... so you DIDN'T hook up (by which I assume you mean have sex -- and yeah, that's NOT obvious, as there is a TON of social science research that shows that "hook up" can mean lots of different things to different people -- which of course can be very confusing!).
(Just an aside: it's still incredibly bizarre to me that anyone would be ready to just have random sex with a total stranger and never expect to see that person again ... I don't understand HOW that ever became a norm. UGH.)
I'm confused as to why YOU haven't kissed HIM yet? Why not? You appear to be able to TALK to each other, which is gigantic (well, to me, as an old fart), so at this point I would just pick a moment and, you know, kiss him. And see where that goes.
Or just ASK HIM how he thinks things are going and when things might get a bit more physical? Is that too hard? (I'm not being sarcastic -- that's a real question.)
I do wish you luck!
I was actually thinking, next time we cuddle on the couch (I am the big spoon) of just kissing him on the back of his head, see his reaction. I haven't gone in for a kiss yet, because I didn't want to put pressure on him yet. But now that we are 1.5 months in, I am going to need to start seeing some progress from where we have been thus far.
And yes, I do plan on asking him that question, but I am going to give it a couple more weeks. In reality, 1.5 months isn't THAT long. In a few weeks we will be about 2.5 months in, and I think by that point it will be fair game to ask if progress hasn't been made. Not saying it wouldn't be now, but I am okay at the moment with this.
It's a guy thing and it's been going on for millennia.
My lesbian best friend always asks me "How are you able to just show up and have sex with a stranger?" She says she can't do it. It's not my preferred method, but sometimes when you have that urge, you just gotta get it.
Okay, so you met on a sex/hookup site, expecting to have sex but instead, had a good time and really liked the guy. Makes perfect sense. That's unlikely, so if this should work out you are really lucky.
First of all, taking it slow is slow. But the reason he was on a hookup site is probably because he needed sex but he wasn't emotionally available to anyone for anything more at that time. With that being said, I would presume that he is still dealing with his breakup, but doing much better. If that's the case, I would give it a few more weeks.
In the event that he makes excuses again about not being "ready" then you need to understand (and you should have in the beginning) that when someone isn't "ready" that means their heart is still busy. If he isn't ready, then you probably need to back off and start seeing other people again. That may get him to thinking.........
If things progress on their own that would be nice too. Hope this all works out, sounds like you really hit it off well in all other areas and that's so important.
I think that's the thing. I do know he wants a LTR. He has stated it. He wants to build a life with a partner. It is something he is seeking. Even in his profile on the hook up app, he put "Pretty open, but more LTR oriented."
As much as he wants all that stuff, is he ready? And I think that is what time is going to tell in the very near future. I leave on 12/17, so assuming things stay as they are, I will then approach and ask him before I leave. Ask "How do you see this going?" "Where would you like it to go?"
If he says he's not ready or the status quo is as far as it goes, I will then back off and move on.
Kiss him properly. If he doesn’t like it, then you know you’re wasting your time.
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