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OP, you have a 16-year-old son. Please start acting like it. Your behavior and obsession with this abusive man is not healthy. Get the help of a mental health professional.
Been there, done that. A lesson for the future I found helpful - if someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time.
The first time he just dumped you, he showed you his true self. Cold.
In her other thread, she said: "The initial part of the relationship was amazing... he spoiled me rotten... took me on luxurious trips..helped me with my business.. literally spoiled me like crazy"
Sounds like love-bombing from a narcissist.
My big words of advice to everybody is to be suspicious of being "literally spoiled like crazy" because guess what? It IS "crazy," for want of a better word. It is the tactic of someone who has emotional or personality problems. Never let yourself get sucked in by stuff like lavish gifts and so on.
He did a pretty good job of targeting her, in my opinion. He found someone who would equate things with love, gave her a lot of things, then proceeded to use her and treat her like garbage, and she's still obsessing over him. The man has abused her emotionally and physically, and she wants more. He's got her right where he wants her, and like her other threads, she will now make excuses for him, ask why he is behaving this way, want to fix things, blame herself, on and on. This will not change because she is, on some level, getting something out of it. If she were truly miserable, and if she were a responsible parent, she would have gotten rid of this sociopath a long time ago.
Just a note to the OP:
Dump him and his memories. If you do not, you will suffer a long series of the same old stuff.
Hang in there and takes steps to get out and meet new people.
BOL!
I see the writing on the wall with this one, he's going to get in touch with her and tell her how he's never going to ghost on her again, she'll believe him, they'll get back together and then he'll break up with her again.
OP actions speak louder than words. He may say he's never going to leave you and all that, but he's clearly done that a whole bunch and will continue to. He sounds like a textbook narcissist, you need to break free of him fast! See a therapist if you need to, but you need to be done with him, he's not a good person.
And the bit about him trying to make you sleep with another man against your wishes.....I mean c'mon, if that doesn't speak for itself I don't know what does!
I thought this guy wouldn't have the NERVE to contact me but he sent me a love song on an email that I didn't realize he even had. He said he knew he was blocked on my text but he still loves me and when I "come to my senses" he will be there waiting!
He said I need to recognize my role in this and apologize and when I do that.. he will consider moving forward.
I am still in a bit of disbelief but I need some suggestions on how to deal with this situation.
My boyfriend and I have been together (long distance) for over a year. We would spend about 10 days a month together. We have broken up several times (he dumped me over text typically) over the last few months mainly because he didn't like my tone or he I questioned something he didn't like. Typically it happened when he was drinking which was quite common.
We had planned to go on a New Year's trip this year and about a month ago (as we were planning it) he got mad and dumped me again. Then he found out I was visiting his town to see some friends and he contacted me and we ended up back together.
During this time he apparently made other plans for NYE but told me that since we were back together he wanted to plan with me again. This was around the 20th of December. I had to undo my own plans/changes with my son and that took some negotiating with my ex husband who would need to switch AGAIN with me.
During this time, I told my BF I would let him know as soon as I could but I probably couldn't fly out until the 26th.
He came and stayed with me last weekend and told me he would never leave me again, he loved me, and wants to marry me. He was SORRY and he would never just dump me on a whim again. I forgave him and I thought all was solid. I told him at this time that I was not going to drink anymore and he was still drinking pretty steadily, so I think that also made him uncomfortable.
Well, he went home and he was preparing Christmas with his extended family and he asked me over and over when I could come. I said I was STILL waiting to hear firm details from my ex but I felt it was safe for me to leave on the 27th now and be gone until Jan 3. I told him this via phone on the night of the 23rd.
He blew up. He said I thought it was the 26th? I said I just can't leave my son until the morning of the 27th. I'm sorry. (He hadn't made ANY flights etc yet).
He said that I was dis-restful and he was extremely shocked that I was being so selfish and not apologizing for waiting so long to tell him this. I said I had to undo plans! I had traded when you dumped me last month and I have been trying!
He said I needed to apologize, that I'm acting insane and crazy and selfish.
I got off the phone and on Christmas Eve I texted him and said I've thought about it and I will not apologize.
I need him to realize that his initial DUMPING me caused all of this and I'm trying my very best by giving him the date of the 27th. I said I can leave on the 27th.
I was straightforward in the text and said my son comes first and that's a non negotiable and I felt he was acting self absorbed for not recognizing this. I said "I'm not a puppet" ...but I've been acting like one.
Again, this was on Christmas Eve. He texted back "WOW" and never said another word. TODAY WAS THE DAY WE WERE TO LEAVE AND I'VE HEARD NOTHING!!!
Never called me on Christmas, never apologized.. apparently has no desire to go on a trip with me that he was pestering me about. And clearly, has no desire to be with me.
TLR. I know I shouldn't be hurt, but I am. Should I just remain no contact or should I send a goodbye text? I assume he is on a trip with someone else now after just a week ago telling me he loves me and wants to marry me.
He has a few of my belongings. Should I ask for them back? I am truly hurt. I don't want him to know that. But I feel so taken advantage of. I believed in him AGAIN.
You should thank the Gods above that he dumped you. He sounds a Mess!
You are better off with him!
People that only argue when drunk, can be nightmares to live with (I have known one in my close circle of family) you will get nervous and anxious every time you are at a restaurant or party and he is offered alcohol...because a fight will surely ensue.
Your Son is one of your main obligations and concerns...if he can't understand that then he is selfish and immature. He sounds like a time bomb just waiting to explode. Do yourself a favor and be glad that he
ended it....he did you a huge favor!
Do not contact him and send a good text....this makes you look desperate and weak.
Trust me, you are better off without him.
Why do you want to marry someone with a drinking problem? Why do you want to marry someone that doesn't realize that things can come up where children are concerned and that you can't just leave your child without someone to take care of him?
Unless your stuff is extremely valuable, leave it. Don't send a good-bye text. Just delete his contact information and block him. Maybe you don't deserve better, but your child deserves a better step father.
This.
Quote:
Originally Posted by needtoknow0099
My son is 16.. and he has only met this man twice.
My son didn't even know we were back together because I feared this would end again.
And I'm not saying I wanted to marry him etc.. I was already worried etc.
BUT -- this is shocking to me! To ghost me on CHRISTMAS? SO DAMN COLD!
Yes, it is cold and mean and awful. Be glad that he is gone. don't try to hold on...he will only bring you misery.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reebo
Block him everywhere you can and move on. This guy is bad for you and bad for your son.
I cant believe you were surprised. Did you really think after all this time he'd be different? You should send him a "thank you" note for acting like he did and giving you the opportunity to tell him to gfh.
He told me in the email the reason he was so upset and didn't reply to my text saying I would't apologize....and ended up ghosting me on Christmas is because I cited the fact that the reason the plans changed for my son's schedule was because of him dumping me the month before and telling me to "F off"
He said in this email "you keep bringing up the past and you can't get past the drama and I'm sick of it and I didn't reply because you should know better than to try to be mean and bring up past problems"
UMMMMM It was the basis of WHY plans changed! And he clearly just wants to pretend that he is faultless and I'm never allowed to bring up the past...
whatever...
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R. I know I shouldn't be hurt, but I am. Should I just remain no contact or should I send a goodbye text? I assume he is on a trip with someone else now after just a week ago telling me he loves me and wants to marry me.
