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Ok, i’m either asking for advice on if I should try to reconcile with someone or at least get closure. This is a bit of a TL;DR, sorry before hand
So, I serve in the military and I have been in 6 months training and in 3 weeks from now I will be graduating. During my 6 months, i became close friends with a girl who I eventually fell for, so I told her how I felt. I made it clear that I was ok that she didn’t feel the same way, in addition, the training environment isn’t the place for this kinda stuff, she agreed and expressed she wanted to remain friends as well.
However, after time went by she started to distance herself from me in where having a conversation with her was getting harder and harder. I tried to keep a distance from her, I would talk to her like for 3-5 min tops and mostly once or twice a week... I didn't want to make it look I was some guy who was trying to get more out of the friendship, but just a guy who was trying to retain the friendship. Thing is, every time I tried to talk to her she would get flakey.
So eventually, I had to talk to her about it, and she just couldn’t see me as a friend anymore. She saw me as a guy who was "playing the friend card" and this lead to a huge argument with her about this which caused the communication and friendship to completely die.
It’s 2 months after and I have stopped talking to her ever since.. and I eventually came to the realization and understanding of her side of things as well. however, I am so hurt as to how I was cut off, and I can't deny that I still care about her.
We are about to graduate 3 weeks from now, in where we will part our separate ways however there is such bitterness and grief in me as to how our circumstances are. A part of me wants to have a final talk with her, in hopes we can be in good terms or (better) reconcile, however I just don't know if i can just initiate a conversation because i don't want to be a creep or commit the same mistake again.
I think, no matter how you intend any further conversation, that she will look at it as you trying to get a foot in the door.
I'm not sure what you think you need as closure. You say you understand her perspective. You realize she isn't interested in you. Isn't that closure? If you try to talk her into being friends again you will just be that guy trying to get his foot in the door. Unless she initiates, leave it be. It's time to move on. Also trying to remain platonic friends to someone you are attracted to is overrated. It will just cause you pain and irritate her.
I think, no matter how you intend any further conversation, that she will look at it as you trying to get a foot in the door.
I'm not sure what you think you need as closure. You say you understand her perspective. You realize she isn't interested in you. Isn't that closure? If you try to talk her into being friends again you will just be that guy trying to get his foot in the door. Unless she initiates, leave it be. It's time to move on. Also trying to remain platonic friends to someone you are attracted to is overrated. It will just cause you pain and irritate her.
For my side to be understood for it's truth and a way to be in good terms, if we can't be friends again, after we part our separate ways. I never had any intentions of getting my "foot in the door", it's impossible to do so anyway in the Army.
For my side to be understood for it's truth and a way to be in good terms, if we can't be friends again, after we part our separate ways. I never had any intentions of getting my "foot in the door", it's impossible to do so anyway in the Army.
Your statement about "it's impossible " is based on you not getting to second base and nothing else. Get over her and move on.
you could write her and let her know exactly why you did what you did and why you tried the friendship thing then tell her how you really feel. You are being sent off soon and now really isnt the time to worry about someone.
You need to focus on all the things you will be facing in the army
you could write her and let her know exactly why you did what you did and why you tried the friendship thing then tell her how you really feel. You are being sent off soon and now really isnt the time to worry about someone.
You need to focus on all the things you will be facing in the army
I was thinking of this too, writing a letter when i finally leave the detachment.
Your statement about "it's impossible " is based on you not getting to second base and nothing else. Get over her and move on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TX Rover
This would likely be the most ill advised thing you could ever do. All that putting something in writing does is create evidence.
You need to move the **** on and stop obsessing.
Agreed with both points.
Obviously the OP won't agree with the above and will definitely contact her again, but I guess some people have to learn the hard way.
My guess is that the OP is still struggling mightily that someone he 'loved' will not return those feelings, and so in desperation he seeks 'closure' by thinking of how he can contact her and pour out his heart, or perhaps give her some form of ultimatum that puts her on the spot ("if we can't be more than friends, I never want to see or hear from you again").
Certainly getting rejected or turned down by someone you are in 'love' with is a bruise to the ego. But men with healthy self-esteem and emotional wellness don't let these setbacks discourage or depress them. I learned long ago not to let these types of things destroy me. I prefer to ghost myself if someone starts ghosting me due to not wanting to continue seeing each other. Makes it easier on both of us, I don't need any 'closure,' I just move on to something else.
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