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Old 03-29-2022, 12:48 PM
 
368 posts, read 215,841 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AfriqueNY View Post
Yep....
They actually don't though, not after high school at least. Some men will talk details after a relationship is over, particularly when coaxed by another man (most don't really though, beyond stating / implying that they had sex with her [typically, the exchange will go something like this: 'you bang her?' 'yeah/no not yet' 'nice/oh ok']; and if they do talk details, it's almost always positive; i.e. nice / nicer than expected body etc), but rarely when it's still going on. Similarly, most men don't want other men seeing their GF naked; or stripping, doing porn, etc.; it's disrespectful to the woman and crosses boundaries.

Re: Tasha's comment, the ultra-curvy/Kardashian thing is to a large degree manufactured by the media/Hollywood; thin women are still attractive to men. 'Thick' women also often look good, it depends how they carry it / if they should be carrying it. Which I'd imagine is the same rule women apply to men. Pretty much all female body types (short tall slim voluptuous etc) can look good, but I don't think anybody's natural/healthy body type/status is morbidly obese (though of course you have a subset of men who are into that).

Last edited by pclem; 03-29-2022 at 01:17 PM..
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Old 03-29-2022, 02:09 PM
 
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,615,714 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pclem View Post

Re: Tasha's comment, the ultra-curvy/Kardashian thing is to a large degree manufactured by the media/Hollywood; thin women are still attractive to men. 'Thick' women also often look good, it depends how they carry it / if they should be carrying it.



IMO it’s not all of Hollywood….just a certain grp of ppl that like big behinds or big hips. Most men are attracted to slender women & models IMO. BUT….the O.P. deserves to be marrying a man who is attracted to her & doesn’t think of his exes when they have sex. AND somebody that doesn’t talk to friends about her in a negative way. I feel bad for her.

edit: AND…being fit & healthy AND feeling good about how we look in a bikini or lingerie or without clothes is important for ourselves 1st.
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Old 03-29-2022, 07:35 PM
 
368 posts, read 215,841 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
IMO it’s not all of Hollywood….just a certain grp of ppl that like big behinds or big hips. Most men are attracted to slender women & models IMO. BUT….the O.P. deserves to be marrying a man who is attracted to her & doesn’t think of his exes when they have sex. AND somebody that doesn’t talk to friends about her in a negative way. I feel bad for her.

edit: AND…being fit & healthy AND feeling good about how we look in a bikini or lingerie or without clothes is important for ourselves 1st.
Most men like both. Of course they're going to tell their GF/wife that they only like whatever she is...

As for OP, she dug up an email from years ago (presumably early in the relationship, maybe before they were even serious). Men don't/can't continue in relationships for years on end with people they're not sexually attracted to (unless they're already married). He was being crude and immature but probably just trying to be funny to his friend (maybe a friend who didn't appreciate her body type), he didn't necessarily mean it. Definitely not worth breaking up a marriage over.
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Old 03-30-2022, 11:31 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,771 posts, read 20,051,896 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pclem View Post
Most men like both. Of course they're going to tell their GF/wife that they only like whatever she is...

As for OP, she dug up an email from years ago (presumably early in the relationship, maybe before they were even serious). Men don't/can't continue in relationships for years on end with people they're not sexually attracted to (unless they're already married). He was being crude and immature but probably just trying to be funny to his friend (maybe a friend who didn't appreciate her body type), he didn't necessarily mean it. Definitely not worth breaking up a marriage over.
I agree to this. I am sure most men can sleep with anyone a few times. But to be interested in sex with one person long term, he needs to be sexually attracted to her body.

However, I think most of us would be devastated finding out what OP found out. It did deep damage even though it was a long time ago and even though he may be the best husband in the world and crazy for her and her body. It stings and will possibly reappear in her mind every time he gives her a compliment about her body or she undresses in front of him.
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Old 03-30-2022, 03:19 PM
 
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,615,714 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pclem View Post
Most men like both. Of course they're going to tell their GF/wife that they only like whatever she is...


Every man has a physical type IMO…AND we do too. I know that I’m attracted to tall & athletic men, strong arms & broad shoulders. I know that my husband is attracted to fit women….slender or blonde or brunette. I don’t think he is attracted to fat women or women with big hips & big behinds at all. That’s what is super weird about the O.P.s fiancé tho….if he is not attracted to her & has to think about his exes when they have sex, why is he with her? Is she supporting him?



edit:

Quote:
Originally Posted by pclem View Post
As for OP, she dug up an email from years ago (presumably early in the relationship, maybe before they were even serious). Men don't/can't continue in relationships for years on end with people they're not sexually attracted to (unless they're already married). He was being crude and immature but probably just trying to be funny to his friend (maybe a friend who didn't appreciate her body type), he didn't necessarily mean it. Definitely not worth breaking up a marriage over.

The O.P. just wrote the post a month ago….they aren’t married. She calls him her fiancé….so unless they have been engaged for yrs, it couldn’t have happened that long ago. IMO if he did it just to be immature or funny to his friend, that’s not any better. She is hurt enough to write a post about it….so I don’t think it should be dismissed that easily. He may care about her but not be sexually attracted to her…..it’s a problem IMO.
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Old 03-30-2022, 03:36 PM
 
4,382 posts, read 2,292,182 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Every man has a physical type IMO…AND we do too. I know that I’m attracted to tall & athletic men, strong arms & broad shoulders. I know that my husband is attracted to fit women….slender or blonde or brunette. I don’t think he is attracted to fat women or women with big hips & big behinds at all. That’s what is super weird about the O.P.s fiancé tho….if he is not attracted to her & has to think about his exes when they have sex, why is he with her? Is she supporting him?
Having a curvy hourglass figure doesn't mean someone is "fat."

People simply have different body types that have nothing to do with their health or fitness level.

Among female body types the hourglass is actually considered the ideal. It comes with breasts, narrow waist, and full hips/butt. Think Marilyn Monroe. She worked out and was actually pretty petite but she had a naturally voluptuous/curvy shape.

That said I think most people can have more than than one type.

Perhaps OPs guy actually appreciates her personality or character even more than her body. Maybe he was into his exes for their body only, but he actually is into OP for her personality. Shouldn't that be a good thing? It shows a deeper connection beyond the physical.
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Old 03-30-2022, 03:42 PM
 
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,615,714 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post

Perhaps OPs guy actually appreciates her personality or character even more than her body. Maybe he was into his exes for their body only, but he actually is into OP for her personality. Shouldn't that be a good thing? It shows a deeper connection beyond the physical.


Tho it has nothing to do with appreciating her personality “more”….it’s that he is not attracted to her at all & thinks about his exes when they have sex. How is that a good thing? He isn’t appreciating her when he goes behind her back like that.

edit: If he was a grown man…he would find somebody he loves, appreciates AND is attracted to. IMO…the O.P. is settling & so is he.
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Old 03-30-2022, 03:56 PM
 
4,382 posts, read 2,292,182 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Tho it has nothing to do with appreciating her personality “more”….it’s that he is not attracted to her at all & thinks about his exes when they have sex. How is that a good thing? He isn’t appreciating her when he goes behind her back like that.

edit: If he was a grown man…he would find somebody he loves, appreciates AND is attracted to. IMO…the O.P. is settling & so is he.
He must be in love with her if he asked her to marry him and she didn't say he suffers from performance issues.

The way I see it is, he respects her for more than her body. He objectified his exes.

Last edited by moongirl00; 03-30-2022 at 04:49 PM..
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Old 03-30-2022, 05:08 PM
 
1,711 posts, read 793,897 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
IMO it’s not all of Hollywood….just a certain grp of ppl that like big behinds or big hips. Most men are attracted to slender women & models IMO.
That’s not even true. A LOT of men, possibly most, are attracted to an athletic curvy look which is usually attained by working out and eating well-balanced meals instead of eating like a very slender model. This is especially so for many of the tall, strong, athletic men you reference. Many of them probably like their feminine physical equivalent, and most of the “big behinds” I’ve seen are from women who put in serious gym time and leg work.

The preference for a frail slim look is no longer as desired as it was in the past, and I’m glad of it because it caused many women to develop eating disorders for a look that isn’t healthy or attractive. Of course some people just have naturally thin bodies and that’s perfectly fine!
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Old 03-30-2022, 07:02 PM
 
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,615,714 times
Reputation: 7618
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
He must be in love with her if he asked her to marry him and she didn't say he suffers from performance issues.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
The way I see it is, he respects her for more than her body.


IMO it’s not love or respect if he is thinking about his exes or telling friends he isn’t attracted to her^^… AND…it’s not all about him. Does the O.P. want to marry a man who is not attracted to her? Does she deserve that? Does anybody? Is she attracted to him after knowing this^^?



edit:


Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Every man has a physical type IMO…AND we do too. I know that I’m attracted to tall & athletic men, strong arms & broad shoulders. I know that my husband is attracted to fit women….slender or blonde or brunette.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SerlingHitchcockJPeele View Post
A LOT of men, possibly most, are attracted to an athletic curvy look which is usually attained by working out and eating well-balanced meals instead of eating like a very slender model. This is especially so for many of the tall, strong, athletic men you reference.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SerlingHitchcockJPeele View Post
The preference for a frail slim look is no longer as desired as it was in the past


Tho I said fit & slender…not frail & “very” slender.




Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
Do you want your husband to objectify your body?


My husband is my best friend. He respects me & loves me for me…so also desiring me physically is not objectifying my body. I would never settle for less.

O.P…good luck! IMO you will totally need it if you marry a man that isn’t attracted to you & talks to his friends about it.

Last edited by TashaPosh; 03-30-2022 at 07:15 PM..
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