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My girlfriend just very recently broke up with me and I'm in a bit of an emotionally vulnerable state of mind. I don't know how exactly to describe it, but I'm just in a position where the break up has emotionally impacted me in some sort of way.
One underlying issue for the relationship with my now ex-girlfriend is that I had developed something of a crush on another woman in my life. I had very conflicting feelings on this whole thing and now I'm in a spot where I just want to confess my feelings to this other woman.
The two of us will both be attending a party this Friday night and I'm wondering if then would be the right time to make my move. I don't know if it'd be wise since I don't even know if she returns the feelings that I have for her, but I'm also thinking that I'll never know if I don't shoot my shot. But I also have to keep in mind the potential awkwardness for our friendship if I confess and she doesn't reciprocate my feelings. I wouldn't even know what to say if I do confess how I feel. Should I go for it? And what would I even say? What happens if she doesn't return these feelings?
I was in that kind of place once, my now wife said yes when I asked what she would say if I asked her out. Asking her something hypothetical broke the ice nicely for us as we had been manager and employee at work before all of this went down.
Why do you have to share your feelings? Why can't you just ask her out on a date? She will either day yes or no. If she says no at least you haven't made a fool of yourself by telling her all your "feelings.". If she says yes you can go on a few dates before sharing all the emotional stuff - although she will probably figure it out on the first date.
Why do you have to share your feelings? Why can't you just ask her out on a date? She will either day yes or no. If she says no at least you haven't made a fool of yourself by telling her all your "feelings.". If she says yes you can go on a few dates before sharing all the emotional stuff - although she will probably figure it out on the first date.
I fear that I may have buried the lede a bit. What I haven’t mentioned is that we’re co-workers and I know that some people don’t feel comfortable dating someone that they work with. I’m just trying to find the right words to say to clarify that I like her, but I don’t want to do anything that would make things too uncomfortable or awkward at work.
I fear that I may have buried the lede a bit. What I haven’t mentioned is that we’re co-workers and I know that some people don’t feel comfortable dating someone that they work with. I’m just trying to find the right words to say to clarify that I like her, but I don’t want to do anything that would make things too uncomfortable or awkward at work.
How much of a coworker and how big a company? Do you see her every single day, weekly, or less? Do you work on projects together or just pass in the same halls? Same team or different department entirely?
In a bigger company where you can kind of manage to stay apart (in the unfortunately likely case of an eventual breakup) it's a non-issue. That assumes you aren't in their line of command, of course.
I'd still advise a more neutral action of "just" asking her out without professing your feelings - there's really no need to do that and could scare her off for no good reason. You don't even have to say you "like" her - just see if she'd like to go out for coffee or whatever. And keep in mind that yes, you're just out of another relationship.
The OP will most likely not listen to any advice on here advising him not to do it, but anyways, I echo those who say don't do it.
It is kind of frustrating to see men continue to commit the same mistakes over and over and over when it comes to courtship and dating.
Courtship is really not that hard. If someone piques your interest, the logical thing to do is to determine if the object of your affections feels the same way. Just because you fancy a person, doesn't automatically mean that the other person feels the same way (stop projecting). You cannot guarantee that someone will fall head over heels in love with you simply because you pour out your heart to them. That kind of fantasy scenario mostly exists in the movies and sugary romance novels. In fact such a move could very well backfire and turn off that person because you are forcing the issue unnecessarily. And if it backfires, instead of learning from it, the rejected person feels bitter and continues to engage in the same pattern of behavior.
Not to mention that it makes you look very weak in declaring your feelings for someone out of the blue. If a guy opens his heart out to a woman like that in an attempt to 'persuade' her to love him back, why should a woman even care? He's no challenge and is someone that would be easily manipulated.
As someone mentioned above, the best thing to do in these scenarios is to ask the person out on a date. You will know right then and there if there is some potential for a relationship. Also, it's not hard to pick up on verbal/physical cues to see if someone is interested in you physically.
So in general, guys, stop projecting your 'love' for someone, as that person then having 'love' for you. Stop opening up your heart and souls to others right away, without even knowing if that person likes you. This makes you look weak.
The OP will most likely not listen to any advice on here advising him not to do it, but anyways, I echo those who say don't do it.
It is kind of frustrating to see men continue to commit the same mistakes over and over and over when it comes to courtship and dating.
Courtship is really not that hard. If someone piques your interest, the logical thing to do is to determine if the object of your affections feels the same way. Just because you fancy a person, doesn't automatically mean that the other person feels the same way (stop projecting). You cannot guarantee that someone will fall head over heels in love with you simply because you pour out your heart to them. That kind of fantasy scenario mostly exists in the movies and sugary romance novels. In fact such a move could very well backfire and turn off that person because you are forcing the issue unnecessarily. And if it backfires, instead of learning from it, the rejected person feels bitter and continues to engage in the same pattern of behavior.
Not to mention that it makes you look very weak in declaring your feelings for someone out of the blue. If a guy opens his heart out to a woman like that in an attempt to 'persuade' her to love him back, why should a woman even care? He's no challenge and is someone that would be easily manipulated.
As someone mentioned above, the best thing to do in these scenarios is to ask the person out on a date. You will know right then and there if there is some potential for a relationship. Also, it's not hard to pick up on verbal/physical cues to see if someone is interested in you physically.
So in general, guys, stop projecting your 'love' for someone, as that person then having 'love' for you. Stop opening up your heart and souls to others right away, without even knowing if that person likes you. This makes you look weak.
Yep. That entire "pouring your heart out" is the product of watching too many movies and television shows. It's an addiction drama.
Instead, relationships begin with a spark, but have to nurtured with trust. You're not trying to land Salesman of the Month honors. You are not trying to close a deal. You are creating a bond between two people.
When I met my wife, the chemistry between us was instantaneous. But at the same time, I showed restraint in my declaration of feelings. Rather than tell her how i felt, I demonstrated it.
There are so many emotional cripples on this forum who simply cannot or will not change their approach to dating and relationships. So they have the same basic nightmare over and over and over and over again.
They come on here with the latest chapter in their long saga of dumb relationship mishaps. We tell them what they're doing wrong and how to fix it, and they refuse to listen. Because in their heart of hearts they are either too arrogant or too stupid to change.
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