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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Everyone has their own preferences, but it's so odd to me that people would react so strongly to the prospect of a vintage heirloom piece that has a family history. To me, that's much more desirable and meaningful than some blood diamond that came from a mall jewelry store.
Tho ppl can do their homework so they know they aren’t buying a blood diamond….like my husband did a couple of yrs ago. It’s been so exposed & customers want transparency.
ITA everybody has their own preferences tho. IMO a family heirloom is lovely but an engagement ring is personal…so they don’t always go together. I think about Kyle on Love is Blind when he gave Shaina his mother’s ring & told her she reminded him of his mom. IMO a man giving his bride to be a ring is not the time to be all emotional about his mom or grandma or give away her jewelry.
But the O.P. needs to be on the same page with the woman he wants to propose to ofc. It’s not normal to be “panicked”…or mad…. about it & if they can’t get on the same page financially, then IMO he shouldn’t propose. You’re supposed to be able to plan & talk about stuff like this AND want to make each other happy….not stressed & panicked. That’s immaturity & selfishness.
OK, you do realize, that the bolded price is a far cry from the tens of thousands she's expecting the OP to spend, right?
I also advised him to find a girl who would be happy with a $10K ring. He said he found a $10K ring he liked. I was responding to a poster who wrote about his grandparents just getting a thin gold band. I think a $10K ring is a reasonable amount today, based on the quality and price of the ring I bought 50 years ago for $550 and the rise in prices over that time.
I thought about this too, but unless you can get the jeweler to hide all the other rings, her eyes are gonna wander around the store and land on a big rock.
My advice about this is that if you don't know a person well enough to discuss budget and finances with them, you don't know them well enough to marry them. Tell her that the jeweler has rings within the budget to look at and if she starts whining about needing a ring that costs twice that budgeted amount, call off the engagement and dodge the bullet. A partner who refuses to live within a budget isn't going to be a good long term marriage partner.
Not to mention that it is nuts to want to live with a person who whines and throw a tantrum anytime they can't exceed the budget by a huge amount. Does the OP really want to put up with that behavior?
I've looked at rings and there are lovely rings and ugly rings at every price point. Any person should be able to find a ring that they like in any price range. OP is already talking about a very substantial amount of money and if his darling can't find something she loves at that price point, she is going to be impossible to please all of her life.
This is off topic, but my SIL wore a huge diamond ring and became hard up for money and tried to sell it. The most any jeweler would give her for the ring was $300, and this thing had a giant diamond.
I've looked at loose stones in the wholesale market and diamonds are not all that expensive. You can get a large and very nice stone for not a lot of money. $30,000 for a diamond ring is just nuts and the mark-up is astronomical. But, by golly, if the OP wants to spend $30,000, the bride-to-be really ought to be able to find something she likes without going over that limit.
(and colored gems don't cost much more than good rhinestones. It's crazy what the prices are, and most stones are now laser cut by computers. None of this "talented old specialist stone cutter" sitting on a wooden stool careful tapping away at a stone and sweating buckets for fear of ruining the stone)
My advice about this is that if you don't know a person well enough to discuss budget and finances with them, you don't know them well enough to marry them. Tell her that the jeweler has rings within the budget to look at and if she starts whining about needing a ring that costs twice that budgeted amount, call off the engagement and dodge the bullet. A partner who refuses to live within a budget isn't going to be a good long term marriage partner.
Not to mention that it is nuts to want to live with a person who whines and throw a tantrum anytime they can't exceed the budget by a huge amount. Does the OP really want to put up with that behavior?
I've looked at rings and there are lovely rings and ugly rings at every price point. Any person should be able to find a ring that they like in any price range. OP is already talking about a very substantial amount of money and if his darling can't find something she loves at that price point, she is going to be impossible to please all of her life.
In all fairness, we don't know that his GF is whiny, or throws tantrums. He said she was nice.
OK, she wants what she wants, but if he never adjusted her expectations, and allowed her to think all these grandiose things...that's on him.
This is off topic, but my SIL wore a huge diamond ring and became hard up for money and tried to sell it. The most any jeweler would give her for the ring was $300, and this thing had a giant diamond.
I've looked at loose stones in the wholesale market and diamonds are not all that expensive. You can get a large and very nice stone for not a lot of money. $30,000 for a diamond ring is just nuts and the mark-up is astronomical. But, by golly, if the OP wants to spend $30,000, the bride-to-be really ought to be able to find something she likes without going over that limit.
(and colored gems don't cost much more than good rhinestones. It's crazy what the prices are, and most stones are now laser cut by computers. None of this "talented old specialist stone cutter" sitting on a wooden stool careful tapping away at a stone and sweating buckets for fear of ruining the stone)
Size isn't the only factor in price... You can have two diamonds of the same carat but one will be $300 and the other will be $20k. Color and clarity weigh in just as much....
A D color just over 1 carat in near flawless clarity can be over $20k on even the wholesale market.
Size isn't the only factor in price... You can have two diamonds of the same carat but one will be $300 and the other will be $20k. Color and clarity weigh in just as much....
A D color just over 1 carat in near flawless clarity can be over $20k on even the wholesale market.
But again this is a relationship forum....
Well, for some people, diamonds are inextricably intertwined with relationships.
Well if she is right for the OP or in general if the bride is right, why would either party want the spending to be of the magnitude of emptying a large portion of savings?
I don't get it. Sorry.
The generation of my grandparents (you know, when marriages had longer expiration dates than milk) spent something like $100, thin gold ring, no stone, and they held together.
I might spend a bit more than that, but not more than my surplus on a months salary after taxes and bills. Savings can be used on so much better things, like real estate, vacations, etc, things to actually enjoy together.
Maybe it's a Swedish thing! Jewelry of any kind holds no fascination for me and I agree it is a huge marketing ploy by deBeers, re diamonds.
My partners were guys who worked with their hands so did not care for rings. I feel the same way. Anything too flashy and you become a target in certain places. No jewelry frees up a big pile of money for other, more meaningful experiences.
But I know I'm in the minority, about this and lots of other "ordinary" stuff, lol.
This seems like a gigantic red flag, OP. And why are YOU paying for the wedding? I thought the bride's family did that. Or has that gone by the wayside too?
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,571,902 times
Reputation: 7613
All the posts about Insta worthy diamonds or what we shouldn’t do. Do ppl really think it’s better if women are not excited about their engagement or their man? What woman isn’t excited or happy? I know I was…to the moon & back. I still am & always will be. AND I love to see my friends get engaged or married & happy too. Nobody who values themselves would ever get married just for a ring IMO.
If she isn’t happy & doesn’t want to share her engagement with her friends & family….they shouldn’t get married IMO.
Mod cut: Quoted post deleted.
Look at both extremes tho. There are a lot of men who expect not to spend a cent or complain about men who do or make it the woman’s fault. It’s up to the man if he is the one buying it AND can easily afford it.
It’s not normal tho that the O.P. is panicked or that they aren’t talking about their budget or his fear. Red flags all over.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-14-2022 at 03:28 PM..
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IMO a man giving his bride to be a ring is not the time to be all emotional about his mom or grandma or give away her jewelry. 
That’s immaturity & selfishness.
What woman isn’t excited or happy? I know I was…to the moon & back. I still am & always will be. AND I love to see my friends get engaged or married & happy too. Nobody who values themselves would ever get married just for a ring IMO.
